Feeling it

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Snap, crackle, and pop.

Grunt, groan, sigh.

OH, that hurts!

Wait, why does that hurt? I didn’t do anything! It didn’t hurt earlier in the day when I was shoveling gravel for 30 minutes and climbing in and out of a dump trailer at a 30 degree angle. Why does it hurt now?

All I did was slide into bed…

This getting old thing is not something to shake a stick at. I guess neither is the outta shape thing either. Combined, they make for the perfect pairing of mysterious hurts, aches, and ailments.

Last night I suddenly felt a twinge of pain in the left hip area when I slide into bed. Weird. I didn’t have that before. Needless to say, it woke me up a few times as I shifted positions.

It hasn’t bothered me much today but it was just one of those reminder pains that let’s me know I am getting old.

What reminds you that you are getting old?

The worst bed

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I’ve done it folks! I think I have discovered the worst bed in Arizona.

This trip to Arizona hasn’t exactly been a relaxing one. As you may have read in a recent post, dividing time between two parts of your family who haven’t seen you (in person) for at least a year is a challenge to say the least. On top of that, they both want you to stay with them so they get a little time with you while the other part of the family isn’t around.

We started out at my sister-in-law’s house. Big, spacious, and pretty much a space that was just for us in the downstairs portion of the house. All the amenities and most importantly, a bed that was comfortable. Sure, it wasn’t home, but it was at least as good as a hotel.

Now, we are at my in-laws and they have a hide-a-bed to sleep on. This is the first time I have been to their place since they moved down here so I didn’t know what was in store for me. When I walked into the room and saw it folded out I knew I was in trouble. I could already see from the mattress that there was a curve in it and “the middle” would become a dreaded sleeping space. There isn’t the usual bar to sleep on, so there is that. But, the bed is too soft and the pillows too flat. It is killing my back and my neck. The neck issues I am having are now only amplified, which means ibuprofen every day and an unplanned trip to the chiropractor when I get home.

Sleep has been tough to come by.

So, if ever in AZ, don’t stay at my in-laws. You have been duly warned.

Minty eye

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There is some danger in brushing your teeth. I know this isn’t probably widely talked about, but your toothbrush and toothpaste container may have it out for you if you’re not careful.

I was brushing my teeth a couple days back (yes, I brush them every day. Gross. Don’t make it sound like it is an occasional thing…) and I had something happen to me that I haven’t had happen in 48+ years. It was surprising to say the least and it STUNG LIKE HELL (like heat cream in the jock strap kind of sting!).

Here’s how it went down:

Minding my own business and going through my morning routine. Picked up the toothbrush, picked up the tube of toothpaste, and proceeded to carefully apply said paste to brush. I have done this a lot, so I don’t take a lot of particular care in application but I always try to make sure there isn’t a bunch of leftover hanging out of the tube when I close the lid (no one like the toothpaste crust on the outside of the nozzle). As the toothpaste reached the last few bristles of the brush, the bristles caught the edge of the tube opening…

Catapult!

Picture the films of back in the day when they used catapults to throw big rocks over the walls of castles and forts and whatnot. Only this time the catapult was flinging toothpaste.

In less than the blink of an eye (I literally watched the white glob fly at me) minty-fresh, teeth-whitening Colgate landed in the corner of my eye.

There was no Matrix effect for me to dodge it. There was no time to blink. There was no time to flinch.

“Eye, meet toothpaste. It’ll be staying for a while, and it will be uncomfortable, so buckle up for this ride.”

Stinging, blinking profusely, scrunched face, I tried to complete the job of brushing my teeth. It was tough. It took 23 minutes for the stinging to go away.

So yeah, if you want to sniff my minty eye some time let me know.

Wink wink, blink blink, wink wink.

Earache

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Perhaps the ear aches because I am tired of hearing stupid people, stupid media, stupid social media, stupid celebrities, stupid athletes, etc.

Perhaps it’s just because I need to see an ear doctor because my right ear hurts when I chew.

Perhaps I’ll use a hammer and an awl to fix the problem once and for all.

Or, go to a doctor.

Kinda of irritating though.

The phone call we all dread

man person face portrait

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Yep, it happened. I got the call we all dread over the last weekend. The one that you just wish you didn’t answer the phone. The one that makes you regret getting up in the morning.

“Hi, it’s your sis. Are you available next weekend? We are gonna move and need some help.”

And there it is…yes, you are free and no you don’t want to help. You don’t want to help because moving sucks, always. It is no fun moving yourself, let alone someone else. So, no, I am not free and no I don’t want to help.

“Yeah, I am free. What time do you need me to be there?”

Damn it! That isn’t what I was going to say. Stupid family relations. So you go help.

While you’re there and after having moved stuff all day, your mom says, “While I have you all together, can you do me a favor? After we’re done here, can you all come over to the house and move the piano out of the house? Someone is coming to pick it up.”

Are you serious, mom? We just spend all day moving someone else’s crap and now we gotta go move a piano? I swore off moving pianos the last time I moved a piano. I am NOT doing it this time.

I hate being a good family member. 2500 pounds of piano later…I need pain killer.