Magical calories

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You know, math is hard. I really think very few people like it. I suspect many of my readers are probably in the same boat as I am when it comes to math. You’d just rather not do it. Sometimes, I just don’t get it. This, however, seems to be simple math and since I am no math prodigy I think I can handle it.

The label on this bottle of carbonated and flavored water is a mathematical mind-bender. Or, perhaps someone just doesn’t have any labeling sense. Or, maybe, they’re just magical calories!

There are three servings in the 36 oz. bottle (12 oz. per serving). According to the way I read this, if you drink one serving at a time, there are ZERO calories. However, if you drink the bottle all at once (or over time?) you will get a whopping 15 calories . Duly noted. Don’t consume the entire bottle. Ever. You will avoid all calories if you leave one ounce in the bottle.

But wait!! There is something funny going on here. It just doesn’t add up. If there are three servings for a total of 15 calories, how does the math break down to ZERO calories per serving? Wouldn’t that be 5 calories per serving?

Anyone else confused by this math?

Do I really want an answer? NO! How about we just apply those magical calories to pizza? I am thinking, ZERO calories per slice and only 80 calories if you eat the whole thing. That would be satisfying.


Have you ever run into a dieting math problem that didn’t make sense?

I’ll stalk you for power

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Photo by Rahul on Pexels.com

That’s right, I’m watching. All the time.

I am just waiting for you to make a move. A move out of the room you are in to another room. I am waiting for you to fail at something you have been instructed hundreds of times, at varying volume levels, to do and yet still forget to do.

Again, I am one of those dads…

If you leave the room and leave the light on, you better dang well know I will be right there within minutes to make sure you know you left the light on. TURN OFF THE LIGHT!

I am not Tom Bodett, and I will NOT be leaving the light on for you (in case you didn’t get that reference).

Why is it so hard to remember? Why can’t you turn off the light when you leave the room and turn it back on when you come back in? Why do I have to be the power police?

Perhaps I will install motion detecting light fixtures and remove all the light switches…Oh, then that might actually have to make the teens get up and move once in a while. I might be on to something here…

Anyway, can we just do one thing today? Turn off the lights.

Who else has to deal with this, every. single. day.?

I am not a fan

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How did you spend your Labor Day weekend?

Me? Oh, well, thanks for asking…I spent it laboring way too hard. It was one of those projects where I had no choice. You know, forced to do something you really had no intention of doing but are forced to do it anyway? Sucks hardcore and that ain’t no lie.

If you can read and understand the picture above, 2016 & 2017 are pretty normal readings for our house. Obviously then, you can understand that starting in February of 2018 something is going wrong. August broke the camel’s back…

No, that little blue dial isn’t a fan, it’s the water meter for the house and it isn’t supposed to look like that!

So, there was nothing left to dig, dig like you are Indiana Jones on an archeological hunt for the lost leak. By the way, whomever planted all those rocks in the yard is a damn idiot! But, that is a subject for another day. Anyway, I dug. And dug. And dug some more.

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It’s hard to get the scale from the angle of the picture, but that is about 20′ and about 36″ deep. Dug by hand, well, not just my hands but my arms, shoulders, back, and a shovel. Yeah, can you feel my pain now? No, literally, the pain…my arms and hands go numb now…anyway…

The leak has been repaired and hopefully the water meter readings go back to normal. What sucks is the repair was relatively cheap ($35) in comparison to the bill ($295+) and effort (pricele$$) to find the leak.

So, to sum up, Labor Day shouldn’t be taking quite so literally.