Dear Washingtonians and businesses,
As your governor, I have done my best to ruin you and your lives this year (and, quite frankly, hopefully an hope of a financial future for you too). I have been successful in many aspects, as I have seen thousands of you just up and quit under my rule and rules. Quit your business, quit school, quit life, quit everything.
I am now instating a second, financially destructive lockdown. If you barely survived that last one, congratulations. I was hoping you wouldn’t, but your resilience and perseverance are admirable. I underestimated you, your supporters, and those of you who would dare to question me. I won’t let you succeed and survive this time.
Really, we don’t need the mom and pop shops and restaurants and such. We need big businesses to be more successful so I can tax them and require them to pay higher wages. I am trying so hard to make more people dependent on the state by covering the gaps that I haven’t forced you to cover yet. Financial recovery and actually letting Covid run it’s natural course like the flu isn’t acceptable. Hopefully this is the final and proverbial “last nail in the coffin” for you.
I’ll let you know in three weeks that I am extending the lockdown, just before the new current four weeks is about to expire, for no good reason other than there are lots of sheep who will follow my every word.
Listen, I have won re-election by catering to the extremely liberal, and Socialistic voter base in three counties. I really don’t have to beat around the bush now and pretend that I care about you, because I don’t. This is what’s best for my agenda and that of the Socialist/Communist movement.
Your unquestioning compliance is appreciated.
With my sincerest, insincere vocal tone and look,