male | Piss and Moan

Follow the instructions they said

Posted on April 4, 2019 by backuphill

Photo by Negative Space on Pexels.com

Follow the instructions.

Generalizing, this is a tough thing for us males to do. We just want to jump right in and make things happen. We know what to do instinctively. Now, that generalization might be true of many men but it is not true of me. I actually like to read the instructions and user manual so I can get the most out of something I just bought.

So, we have replaced a couple appliances in the kitchen recently and two of them arrived yesterday. I was left to replace the microwave after all was said and done (the store wanted $150 for the install). I looked at the instructions and measurements. I looked at the space and did the measurements. It would fit and it would work nicely in the space the old one filled.

Commence the two hour microwave wrestling session. I drilled new holes (because of course the old ones won’t work). I mounted the new bracket. I measured twice and sometimes even three times to make sure everything was going to line up. With some help, because I am not Superman, the microwave was hefted into position. It attached to the bracket just fine, but otherwise wouldn’t fit.

At this point I was wishing I had four arms and was three people. Off the microwave came. I measured some more. No, it is should fit just like it says. I measured again. Yes, it will fit. The microwave was hefted again and set on the bracket. Still no fit (of course, because I didn’t change anything). While while holding it in place I was formulating a plan – the plan was coming together…SHOVE until it fits. This is gonna work.

So, shove I did. No budge. Shove some more. Still no budge. Rest. Shove again, harder. No budge. Shove some more. Still no budge. Let’s try greasing the edge a little to help it along. (yes, I greased an appliance. You read that correctly.) Grease, in the form of Crisco, applied. Shove again. It moved right into place. Excellent. Now to finish the mount by attaching the screws on the top.

The holes don’t line up.

Damn, Koreans. This thing was probably built by North Korea or something…

Pull it back down. Re-drill the holes. I am just gonna guess this time since the template obviously was NO HELP the first time. Shove the microwave into place. The screws match perfectly. Microwave mounted.

The lesson: skip the instructions and template. Just eyeball it and give it a shot.

I guess I should just go with my maleness.

It’s lost on me

Posted on March 20, 2019 by backuphill

Photo by Anastasiya Lobanovskaya on Pexels.com

Mysteries of life. Mysteries in life. Whatever, just mysteries.

In my years of life I have many things that cause me to pause and wonder. There are just some things I just don’t understand and I guess I probably never will. Why do people do the things they do?

Today’s mystery? Why do women color their hair a color that isn’t a hair color?

Maybe it’s because I’m “a dumb boy.” Maybe I really can blame it on my maleness. Or, could it be that women are just incomprehensible? There is no way to figure out women so why bother? Maybe it’s a combination of both. I don’t really know. But what I do know is that I am seeing more and more women color their hair in NOT natural hair colors and I wonder why.

Example: I saw a picture on Instagram of a former student who is now in her late 20s who is the mom to several children and she just dyed her hair a bright pink color. I am not talking highlights. I am talking flat out, all the way, bright pink – there is no hiding it pink. She says, “It makes her feel more like herself.” What does that mean??

I have never understood why people feel the need to dye their hair a color that isn’t natural. Is it for attention? It is to be unique? Is it to stand out in a crowd? I understand that some people would want to hide the gray or maybe want to have highlights or even just want to try a different natural color. But, to do something that is just so radical, well, it just doesn’t compute.

So, what makes a woman feel the need to make such a change?

Inquiring minds want to know.