toilet | Piss and Moan

Cookies tossed

Last night was miserable. I started feeling a little dizzy around 5:30-6:00pm. I decided I better take it easy and retired to the couch for the evening. When I closed my eyes the world would spin like I was in one of the Mad Hatter’s Tea Cups, the ride at Disneyland. So, I tried to watch the TV and hope that it didn’t get worse.

It was about an hour later that I realized that my stomach was not good. Here comes the TMI portion….one trip to bathroom for the runs, then 20 minutes later a trip to toss the cookies (there goes some of dinner!). About 40 minutes later, more dinner and a toilet full of vomit. Needless to say, my stomach was not a happy camper!

I normally have a pretty iron stomach, so if I am tossing my cookies I know something isn’t right. Perhaps I picked up a little food poisoning after stopping at a DQ on the way back from eastern Washington the previous night. I haven’t a clue.

So, off to bed I went. Preparations were made just in case I found that I couldn’t make it to the bathroom… The room only spun for a little while and it wasn’t long until I was out.

A storm came through last night so other than about 30 or so minutes in the middle of the night, I slept most of the night and slept pretty well. Perhaps I was a little extra tired? Maybe. Perhaps my kneck is really really out and I was feeling the effects of being misaligned? I suppose that is possible too, though that doesn’t explain the evacuation of the bowels…anyway…

This morning, it seems things are back to normal. Coffee has been consumed and I haven’t had any issues keeping it down at this point. I guess it was just a passing storm in the stomach too.

Pooped

Posted on November 13, 2020 by backuphill

Maybe this falls into the TMI category, maybe it doesn’t. I am sure the male readers in the group can probably attest to something of a similar experience, and if nothing else it might provide for a little comedic reading.

So, I am an early morning pooper.

I really prefer to get to my squatting done before my shower. I mean, that way I can head into the day with a freshly clean keister and don’t have to worry about unintentional stankiness (at least for the first part of the day).

So, typically the day begins after crawling outta bed with a squat on the porcelain throne. The amount of time can vary, but usually the business is done in 15-20 minutes and then I can proceed to the shower.

Today, I spent my usual time on the commode and then proceeded to hop into the shower. Not 10 minutes later, I am getting the painful feeling that I need to cop-a-squat again. Now I am feeling those gaseous pains and squeezing the cheeks together hoping that I am not gonna drop a package in the shower. Thankfully, it subsided briefly and I was able to finish my shower.

After getting outta the shower, no pressing feeling to visit the “thinking throne” is persisting so I am thinking I am gonna be able to start the day as usual. I get dressed and make coffee.

HELLO! I am reminded that the gas has not passed and either I am gonna have to do the penguin waddle to the water closet or find something to lean up against and endure the sharp pain in the middle region again. I wait because no waddle will happen without an accident. After the gurgling stops and the pain is tempered, I quickly head for the pooper.

Wait…the gas pains have returned, literally just before the pants come down and I am left staring at the crapper whilst I grimace through the next wave of internal chaos. WTH! Literally a foot from the squatter and I can’t use it….yet…

I am not sure why decided to turn my bowels into a problematic mess that required multiple visits to the porcelain bowl. Either way, that last trip seemed to do the trick. The main tank has been completely emptied.

I still would have liked to done it the first time and not had to put on pants feeling “unclean.”

There ya go! A little Friday the 13th potty humor/giggle/TMI for you.

Anyone else have similar experiences or habits?

Something you ate?

Posted on July 10, 2019 by backuphill

Photo by hermaion on Pexels.com

Ever have that queasy feeling that you just can’t shake?

Like, it just hangs on but doesn’t really have an effect until later? Yeah, that is me today.

I started feeling it last night before bed. I was hoping maybe sleep would help so I just skipped most of the evening and headed for the pillow. Unfortunately, that just turned into a night of tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable. There is something going on in there and it doesn’t feel right. But, I wasn’t so uncomfortable that it caused me to get out of bed.

Well, this morning it came. Maybe it was something I ate yesterday or last night. I normally have a pretty iron clad stomach, but his morning…well, let’s just say everyone wanted out of the pool.

Multiple visits to the throne room already. It’s gonna be a long day at work. Luckily (if, in this situation, that’s possible), it happens to be just one end – the bottom end – and not both.

There. I said it without saying it. Enough to get the picture but not too much.

Have an uncomfortable Wednesday, people.

Ugh

Posted on May 31, 2019 by backuphill

Photo by Min An on Pexels.com

It’s meeting time again and I just don’t wanna go.

‘nuf said.

Perhaps I can hide on the toilet like I do at home when I don’t want to do something.

Get the flush out

Posted on January 23, 2019 by backuphill

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Pexels.com

This probably falls into the TMI category, but it is no less irritating either way.

Have you ever walked into a public bathroom to use the facilities, open the stall door, and find that the crapper has already been crapped in but the final flush failed (whether they didn’t do it themselves or it plugged) to get done? So you end up turning up your nose, maybe curse under your breath a little, and then move on to the next stall? Yeah, me too.

Now, get this. While that previous scenario is frustrating, what’s worse is to find a toilet in your own home in a similar condition…open the lid to sit down and SURPRISE! Now you have to risk flushing and hope that the swirling water stays in the bowl and doesn’t end up on the floor making an even more inconvenient event.

I tell you, I am pretty sure teens have brain damage.

Perhaps we should do like some suggest with animals that pee or poop in the house, rub their face in it. Maybe it we rubbed the teen’s face in it they would get the picture? Yeah, you’re right. The brain damage is too significant. They likely wouldn’t get the picture.

Here goes nothing…

#SMH

TMI?

Posted on December 13, 2018 by backuphill

Photo by Foodie Factor on Pexels.com

Are you all ready for this?

It perhaps falls into the TMI category…

What is the deal with the biology or science or chemistry or whatever behind this?

Consume asparagus = Get stinky pee.

Why?

And I am not talking like hours later. I am talking like within 30 minutes. So weird.

Why?

I suppose I could Google it, since it is the knower of all things. But I wanna know your explanation. Make something up! Tell me the truth. Just give me an answer because, like the old commercial used to say, “Inquiring minds want to know.”

Why?

bathroom interior interior design restroom

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

My love/hate relationship with toilet paper

Posted on August 7, 2018 by backuphill

What to do…what to do…well, this blog is going in the toilet…

The picture above was from a recent trip to the men’s room at work. Yes, I needed to “cop a squat” and empty the main tank. There were so many choices for toilet paper that it was a little overwhelming. However, there wasn’t really a choice because they all were of the same relative quality, which got me to thinking about my love/hate relationship with TP.

It’s too thin. It’s too thick. There is not enough on the roll (or worse, there are no rolls at all). The roll is too big to fit in the dispenser. Use too much and you plug the toilet. Use too little and you’re sporting a brown racing stripe in the undies. Sometimes protects the fingers and other times you’re using TP to wipe the fingers before your next wipe on the rear end.

At least one of these problems occurs during each visit to “the can” and you *literally* sit there fuming. So why is that we can’t figure out an alternative to this stuff? Yes, there are “adult wipes” but they plug the toilets or sewer systems. There are bidets, but that hasn’t caught on in the US and I am still not sure what you are supposed to do about a wet ass…(as you can tell, I have never been presented with this option).

Anyone else feel me on this love/hate relationship? What do you think is the solution?