Tag-alongs

five white sheep on farm

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Nope. I’m not talking about small, over-priced cookies distributed by your little local vested gang…

I am talking about family members (adult children, really) who don’t ever make any plans on their own, but just “tag-along” on the plans of others.

Birthday parties, Thanksgiving, Mother’s/Father’s Day, etc…never their own plans, always the question that comes one of two ways, “What are the plans?” or “What are you doing?”

Both of those questions are then followed up by the assumption that they are automatically invited to the event (even if it doesn’t really involve them) and don’t have to put in any effort into it. Sure, sometimes they offer to bring something minimal but most of the time they just show up and consume with little to no appreciation.

I have watched from afar and up close and personal, so here’s an example of which I speak:

Mother’s Day planning is done for an elderly mother. Plans are made, set, decided upon, and food is purchased for said get together. Planning has been done by the child of this mother BUT what soon follows is the children (the adult grandchildren of the elderly mother) of said mother doing the planning don’t plan anything for their own mom. Instead, the children just horn in on the plans for the grandmother – they don’t make any effort to plan anything for their own mother, other than just going to the gathering for the grandmother.

Does that make sense? I tried to explain that as clearly as possible, but I am not sure I did it successfully.

Anyway, this kind of tag-along thing happens all the time and, quite frankly, the mother needs to say something about it but doesn’t have the heart to speak up and tell the kids they need to do their own planning.

Of course, I can’t speak up either because that is a battle I can’t win no matter how I approach it. I am sure you can assume you know how that would all go over.

Irritating, really. And all I can do is sit back and watch it happen…

Unsolicited Advice? If you have are an adult child with parents who are still around, make your damn own plans! That might be challenging depending on family situations and timing, but the effort is noticed and appreciated. DON’T just tag-along (even if you are invited to). Grow up, be responsible, and truly appreciate your parents instead of just relying on them.

 

Uninvited

close up photography of bird nest

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OK, am I crazy here? Am I being unreasonable?

If you have guests staying in your home, do you think it is inappropriate for them to invite guests over to your house? Essentially, guests are inviting guests into your home.

Furthermore, what if all the guests are family?

So, some family is now living in my home for an undetermined amount of time. It’s been less than a week since this change. One of the conditions of moving in was that they were not allowed to have guests over, because having people in your space is one thing but then to have those people inviting strangers into your home because they are their friends, is just a whole other problem. This condition seemed to be understood.

Anyway, last night I overheard a conversation where the newly homed family members (in my home) were making plans with other family members who don’t exactly live nearby, but are within driving distance of their own home, to stay at the house. I believe the conversation went something like, “Well, you can come and hang out for the evening and we can probably find a place for you to crash. Driving home that late doesn’t make sense. I am sure we can find room. It’ll be fun. You can just go home the next day.

Excuse me? Fun for whom? Have you checked with me yet? Is this OK with me? You are making plans for me and my home without checking with me first. How is that OK? I mean, I have already altered my life to allow some family to stay in the house, do I really need to rearrange my life just so more family can stay in my house? Really?

Does it make a difference in this situation if the family members involved are your adult children and grandkids? One adult child has moved in with her 11 year old daughter. They are inviting our middle son and his family (wife, 3 boys under 7) to stay at the house too. Mind you, there is barely enough room for the people already staying in the house…

Am I crazy here? Am I being selfish?

I liked my nest empty. I want it back that way. That’s not to say I don’t love the kids and grandkids, but come on…it’s kind of the principle of the thing, isn’t it?