New car clean

automobiles automotives black and white black and white

Photo by Torsten Dettlaff on Pexels.com

You know how bright and shiny that car looked when it came off the lot? You know, sparkling, dust free interior, the chromy parts chroming, and the black plastic on the outside hasn’t started to fade to gray…

Is it ever like that again? I mean for a BRAND SPANKING NEW CAR?

Probably not. I don’t have time to wash it daily and I don’t have time to clean the inside on even a weekly basis…so it gets dirty, like the car I just got rid of. That old car rarely got washed and rarely got cleaned on the inside. I mean, it was old, so who cares, right?

But this new car…can I just put a bubble around it?

All I want is for it to stay clean!

Is this what Hell looks like?

apartment chair clean contemporary

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I think I was being punished yesterday.

Why, you ask?

I attempted what no rational adult should attempt.

I went shopping at IKEA with kids. OK, there, I said it. I have known it for a while but I am irrational.

It is a HUGE mistake to take your kids shopping with you at IKEA. They whine. They complain. They constantly have to be taken to the bathroom. They touch things. They run around. All while you are slowly losing your mind and repeating yourself incessantly. Yes, they do have a “play area” for kids. BUT, get this…apparently there are so many rules that few kids even qualify. And if they do, they can only stay there for an hour. Yeah, you read that right, AN HOUR!! It take like three hours just to walk through the store, let alone try and shop.

No rational conversations can be had. No decisions can be made.

All you wanna do when you’re done at the place is smash your head against something hard until you pass out. Yes, that must be what Hell will be like…eternally shopping with your kids.

Here’s an IDEA…IKEA should be a kid free zone.

Pets, kids, and parental stupidity

girl lying on white surface petting gray rabbit

Photo by Anastasiya Gepp on Pexels.com

OK, parents, why do we do it?

Do we do it just for the moment of joy we see on our kids’ faces, or are we just secretly gluttons for punishment?

You know we all have gone through the debate with ourselves while at the pet store, or at a neighbor’s/friend’s house, or a relative’s house…the debate is always the same. Ami I right?

I don’t really want to get this animal because I am gonna end up taking care of it. But it would make my child so happy and I do want them to be happy. But, I am gonna be the one feeding it, walking it, cleaning up after it, paying for it, etc., etc., etc.,…Oh, look at her/him smile! This would make me such an awesome parent (maybe even their favorite???). I should totally do this. NO, WAIT, what I am saying, I don’t want more animal puke, animal drool, animal poop and pee, animal whatever whatever whatever. Dang, it is kinda cute. Couch snuggles would be nice. UGH, I am stupid because I know that joy on the face will only last for two days and then it will be battles trying to get him/her to take care of it. I don’t want it. I hate animals. But, it is awful cute. Where will be put it? Who will care for it when we are out of town? This is a really bad idea. I am just gonna say no.

OK, we’ll take it. 

Followed by screams of joy and many smiles and “Thank you, thank you, thank you”s.

And now all you can think about is, What have I just done???

Followed by dread and loathing until the animal dies or disappears.

Parents, why are we so dumb? I don’t want more pets and yet the kids still get them and we still end up taking care of them. We knew it and we still did it anyway.

We are lame.

Kids’ sports and rain

black and white hand raining

Photo by Tookapic on Pexels.com

Why does my kid have to like soccer? Why can’t it be an indoor sport?

Yes, I know, soccer can be played indoors too but the reality is that more often than not it is played outdoors, where it rains, a lot.

As a parent, and I don’t care how much you love your kids, it totally sucks to sit/stand/wait on the sidelines while it is pouring down rain. What’s worse, it is also cold (as in under 40 degrees) and the wind is blowing. Doesn’t matter if you have an umbrella or not, you’re getting wet. Period. Yeah, so cold sideways rain is just fun…never.

Find a different sport, kid, preferably one that involves warmth and is dry.

Weekend’s gone in a flash!

adult analogue break focus

Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

Hey, wait! Can we have a do over? I am not ready for the new work week to start yet. I have too many projects I need to work on.

Man, anyone else notice that weekend went really dang fast?

Saturday was a insulation and sheet rock project in the garage, as well as a birthday party. Sunday was a soccer game and yard work.

I.am.not.ready.

How about we take a couple more days of weekend and call it good for this week?

A bladder the size of a walnut

white ceramic male toilet

Photo by Markus Spiske temporausch.com on Pexels.com

OK, so this getting old thing is getting old.

Is it a requirement that as you get older bladder gets smaller? I swear it must be.

I used to be like a damn camel when it came to holding my…water. Now I might go to the bathroom 3 times a night (sometimes not at all) and during the day, well let’s just say I might be wearing a path in the carpet at work from my cubi-cell to the bathroom. There are times where I find myself turning into the 8 year old I used to be and doing the “bathroom dance” because I am in the middle of something and don’t want to stop yet.

Yes, I drink a lot of coffee. Why wouldn’t I? Yes, I know it is a diuretic and it will cause me to pee a lot. But seriously, one cup could cause me to take four trips to the bathroom! LOL I think the problem here is my bladder has gotten smaller. That has to be it.

By all means, have my parking spot.

parking multi storey car park

Photo by Jaymantri on Pexels.com

OK, so I like don’t park in the same place every day.

Oh, wait, I do! My mistake. That’s my spot! Get your jalopy outta my spot!

So why the hell are you parking in my spot? Just because you got here a fraction of a second before me? Yeah, ok, like I don’t let the air out of tires every day either…

 

It’s rain people…

blur cars dew drops

Photo by Kaique Rocha on Pexels.com

News flash: We live in the Northwest and it rains here. It rains here a lot.

Now, I know that isn’t news to those who live here but DANG it already! Why do you all have to forget how to drive in the freakin’ rain??? We have rain pretty much 9 months of the year (yes summers are not as rainy) so why is it so hard to remember how to drive in such conditions?

I swear, for so many smart tech people in this area, they are a bunch of idiots behind the wheel of a car. Drive slower, leave more space between vehicles. Simple. When you do that, you have to step on the brake less and you don’t bash into others as often. Duh!

Now do it.

#SMH

I like big(ger) bowls and I cannot lie

cherries chilled chocolate close up

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Sorry if that triggered you and your musical sensibilities…

Ice cream.

We all scream.

There is just not a big enough bowl for ice cream. No matter how much you have, there is always the desire for more and the bowl just isn’t big enough. You finish your helping and the immediate thought “Why is my bowl empty? Is there more?

Someone invent a bottomless, auto-refilling bowl of ice cream and you will make millions…just saying…