Tough conversations

Photo by NEOSiAM 2021 on Pexels.com

Anyone else tired of having tough conversations?

If you fall into the above category, would you just rather punch people in the throat instead?

Yeah, me too.

If you don’t fall into the above category, would you just rather punch people in the throat than have a conversation?

Yeah, me too.

The truth of the matter is that if you punch someone in the throat, having any conversation is just difficult for them and they just have to listen.

“Conversation had.”

Let’s move on.

What changed?

Photo by Maria Tyutina on Pexels.com

Dear family, friends, and co-workers,

I haven’t changed.

I am the same person you liked. The same person you enjoyed hanging out with. Dare I say that you may have even “loved” me?

I still strive to do my very best every day. I still make the same lame jokes you’ve laughed at in the past. I still have hopes, dreams, fears, and challenges, just like I did when we last talked or saw each other. I still make mistakes. I still have successes. I am the same today, as I was yesterday, and will be tomorrow.

I haven’t become the evil you seem to think I have, or that the world is telling you that I am.

So what has changed for you?

I feel your stare when I walk into the room. I hear your whispered conversations when you think I can’t hear you. I feel you treating me, seeing me, thinking of me differently than before. I feel the weight of your opinion about me.

You’ve always told me not to discriminate, to not treat people differently, to “walk in their shoes” for a while. You’ve always told me not to judge people based on their skin color, their economic status, whether they had a home or not, their sexual preference, their religion, their sex, their national origin, their political party, their language, or any number of other things.

Why has that changed for you now? Is it ok to discriminate against me because my choices are different than yours?

Whether I am not vaccinated or I am, does that make me a different person than I was the last time we interacted?

Why is it now necessary for me to feel the need to announce my status when I walk into a building? Attend a function? Arrive at work? Go out to eat? Receive medical treatment? Hang out with you?

Why is it ok for some to give me unlimited access and for others to deny me access completely? Why do some get special treatment and others no treatment at all? Why is this type of discrimination acceptable but others aren’t?

I haven’t changed.

But, for whatever reason, your fear seems to have changed you.

I am the same as I was before. You are not.

I still want the same things you want. That hasn’t changed.

So why are you letting something so little stand in the way of how it used to be?

I am not vaccinated.

I am vaccinated.

Does it really matter in the end?

I am human. You are human. Let’s treat each other like it.

That is all that really matters.

It’s cold

Photo by Download a pic Donate a buck! ^ on Pexels.com

It’s cold in the house, and I am not talking about the actual temp.

Cold shoulder.

Silence.

Contempt.

Avoidance.

I know the reason, though I don’t agree and it certainly isn’t fair.

This isn’t a coldness that a blanket or a jacket can cover up. There is no bundling up against this kind of cold.

It cuts to the bone and straight to the heart.

Winter has set in during the middle of summer.

Some days

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

There is an old saying, “Some days you’re the bug and other days you’re the windshield.” Heard that one before?

Well, these days I am feeling more like the bug.

Life comes at your awful fast and there is just so much crap going on. The “windshields” of life are coming faster and more furious and avoiding them is getting harder and harder. Actually, avoiding them is next to impossible at this point. It seems I am bouncing from one to another…

Pleasing anyone and everyone seems to be impossible and there are people in my life that are supposed to be rooting for me who just aren’t. Instead, they have become the windshield and there is no pleasing them and no relief from their scrutiny or criticism. I can do nothing correct in their eyes.

It’s frustrating. It’s tiring. It’s relentless. It’s making me just want to hunker down and avoid everyone (more so than usual). The problem is I can’t avoid them since they are here, around me, all the time.

So, instead of just hiding, I stagger from failure to failure, always being told that I have yet again done something that doesn’t meet with approval or at expectation. Words of praise or acceptance? Absent. Non-existent.

Today is no different. Feeling defeated.

Hypocritical complaints

Photo by Adrienne Andersen on Pexels.com

I am know I am guilty of it. I am not exempt from it. I’ll admit it. I’ve got some hypocritical complaints about family members. It’s just really rich when someone will point them out to me, but not recognize that they themselves are doing exactly the same thing.

As you can imagine, blended families are a challenge. Actually, challenge may be the wrong word. It’s actually a special kind of hell, really. It’s a love and hate relationship x100. It’s unbearable and maybe survivable. It’s an age old story, but typically you don’t treat your non-biological children the same as you do your biological ones. It’s terrible.

Anyway, the youngest (my bio kid) just moved in after her graduation from high school. The relationship between her and step-mom is strained (at best). Of course, you can imagine all the reasons why…many of the same reasons why my relationship with my non-bios is strained. She can see the obvious differences between how she gets treated and how they get treated.

So, someone last night had the gall to complain about a “missed laundry day” and what we should tell her if she wants to do laundry outside of her designated day. Mind you, two of the three locally living non-bios do laundry at our house on a fairly regular basis even though they don’t actually reside in the house. The suggestion was that she should be told to go to a laundry mat to do her laundry…you can imagine that I pointed out that she does actually live here and that if she chose to do laundry at a time no one else was using the machines and did it in a timely manner so that it didn’t interfere with anyone else, I didn’t see a problem if there was a legitimate reason for missing her designated day.

I caught hell for that.

Heaven forbid that I mention anything about the non-bios and their status of being adults and lived outside the home for more than two years.

Never mind the fact that someone is secretly paying the leftover bills of another non-bio and his family who just moved out of state.

So, hypocritical complaints? Yeah. We have them. I bite my tongue on most of them until I can’t do it any longer.

It’s just laundry. It’s not a bad financial choice that will leave her asking for help years down the road, on a continual basis.

Give it a rest and me a break…

Hey there

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels.com

Hey there! How’s about you have a great weekend…and for those of you in the US, have a great 4th of July!

I have posted far less than normal last month, but things have slowed down now and it looks like there will some time over the summer to work on projects and get caught up on stuff.

With a long weekend coming up, I wanted to wish you all a happy and safe one.

I don’t really care. It just sounds nice. Let’s go with that.

See ya next week!

Baked ham

Photo by Matheus Gomes on Pexels.com

OK, it’s hot! It’s really, really hot!

These temps, up here in the Northwest corner of the United States, are not normal. If anyone asks, it rains all the time. Don’t move here. But, seriously, there are nice days here…except the the last two, and probably tomorrow too. It’s just unusually hot.

It isn’t the hottest part of the day, but the forecast is calling for a high somewhere in the neighborhood of 104 (105 depending on where you look) today. Of course, we all know those guys are rarely correct, so it will be hotter, for sure. At 12:31pm, it is currently 95 degrees outside.

Now, if you have been reading this blog for the last year and a half you will know that I have been working from home for the time of the “flu that is known by another name.” And, you will also know that my home office is in my garage. To further give details of my situation, know that my home and garage have no AC.

So, currently, at 12:31pm, the garage temp where I am working is 88 degrees and the house is 85 degrees.

I know know what a baked ham feels like, or a baked chicken. My family would probably say turkey. A baked turkey.

Anyway, stay cool out there…

Destructive behavior

Photo by Markus Spiske on Pexels.com

Have you ever had a sudden urge or desire to engage in destructive behavior, either physically or mentally?

I am not sure what triggers the feelings (and I am totally in control, mostly), but two destructive behaviors I am currently contemplating:

  • Eat everything in sight.
  • Fight, either physically or verbally, everyone.

I know there are lots of other destructive behaviors out there and these are relatively minor compared to some, obviously, but today this is what I am dealing with.

Anyway, maybe it’s the fact that my “don’t give a damn” meter has reached beyond critical. Maybe it’s that I am tired, super super busy, and only marginally motivated.

I don’t know.

How do other people deal with this?

I know this is a passing feeling. It won’t last. But today, the feeling is strong. very strong.

What do you do?

Bad motivator

I seem to have a bad motivator. Yet, I have so much I could be doing. Anyone else having a hard time getting started today?

After a LONG, short week of work and every evening being dominated by gazebo construction (no, not done yet), I am just having a hard time focusing on what needs to be done at work today. I am already thinking about what I may be able to accomplish after work today, and yet there is a part of me that says, “You should just sit on the couch tonight.”

Perhaps another droid would like to take over and finish out the day for me.

Anyone?

Warped

Photo by FWStudio on Pexels.com

Continuing on the projects theme from yesterday, the gazebo has been started and so far things are going fairly well.

Except…

Except that there are quite a few pieces of the wood material that is warped. Not horribly, but enough that making the gazebo square, which it needs to be for the roof, which could prove to be a major challenge.

I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything less. That’s the problem with these prefab kits you buy. Sure, all the pieces are cut to the right size, pre-drilled, and have all the components you’ll need but there is that one factor they just can’t account for – how much the wood will continue to warp once it is packaged.

Working on this kind of project also warps something else…my attitude.

I already have a warped sense of humor, so it doesn’t nothing for that.

Seriously though, warped wood sucks.

Here’s to straight boards, straight cuts, and no knots.