feelings | Piss and Moan

Something different

Posted on May 17, 2023 by backuphill

Ever get that nagging feeling like you just want something different? Like, you don’t know what exactly but everything feels like if you could just do something, have something, something different than what you are doing or have now that things would feel better?

Nagging.

I just have this feeling.

Unsettled about something. I feel like I need a change, for something different that whatever is going on in my life right now. I don’t know.

Stagnation at work? Home life just not cool? The weather getting nice and I am stuck inside all the time? *shoulder shrug*

Can’t put my finger on it. Can’t wrap my head around it.

I just feel it.

Self-inflicted

Posted on December 19, 2022 by backuphill

Anyone else find it really hard to find sympathy within yourself when you watch people cause their own self-inflicted pain? Maybe I am cold-hearted. Maybe I am callous. Maybe I am jaded. Call it whatever you want.

I just find it really hard to watch someone make bad decisions, sometimes directly against/counter to advice they were given, and then suffer the consequeces of the bad decisions. It’s as though they would purposely chop off their own arm just so they can prove they didn’t listen to a word you said.

I just can’t find anywhere inside of myself any sympathy where someone continually subjects themselves (and typically others) to the consequenes of their ignorance/stupidity/willful disregard for wise counsel. It’s as though they would purposely chop off their own arm just so they can prove they didn’t listen to a word you said.

Anyone else have a similar problem?

Should I feel bad about not feeling bad?

Just can’t do it.

Overly distracted

Posted on April 5, 2022 by backuphill

Photo by Miguel u00c1. Padriu00f1u00e1n on Pexels.com

It’s hard to focus today. There are so many things going on in the office today that it doesn’t help. They have been shuffling, reimagining, rearranging, moving, reorganizing, whatever you want to call it, the office space. Cubes are moving people are shifting noise is being made. Besides all that distraction, there is more going on inside me.

It seems like there are a hundred different things going on in my head at any one time.

I can think of 30 other places I’d like to be other than at work.

I have 50 things I’d rather be doing than working.

I can think of probably 5 (maybe more) people I’d rather be spending time with.

Can’t say that I am the ideal employee today.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Zero reaction

Posted on December 15, 2021 by backuphill

I am pretty good at the poker face. I probably can brag that I have a pretty good RBF too. I can literally make it so people are not sure if I am joking or serious. It’s come in relatively handy in the past.

I admire people who can give no reaction to things that would normally generate a reaction. Today, not so much. I actually found it rather interesting that a joke I told generated next to no reaction, even though it’s a pretty good one.

I sent 10 different friends on Facebook each a different pun, hoping it would possibly help at least one of them to laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

I mean, come on! How can you not get a laugh out of someone? How can you not get even an eye roll or a groan? How???

I guess I am not the only person with a poker face. I bet they were laughing inside…

Can you (or did you) keep a straight face?

It’s cold

Posted on July 21, 2021 by backuphill

Photo by Download a pic Donate a buck! ^ on Pexels.com

It’s cold in the house, and I am not talking about the actual temp.

Cold shoulder.

Silence.

Contempt.

Avoidance.

I know the reason, though I don’t agree and it certainly isn’t fair.

This isn’t a coldness that a blanket or a jacket can cover up. There is no bundling up against this kind of cold.

It cuts to the bone and straight to the heart.

Winter has set in during the middle of summer.

They really know

Posted on February 15, 2021 by backuphill

Some people just really know how to push your buttons. Some people just really know how to make you feel lower than low. Some people just don’t show you any appreciation or love. Some of those people are people you just know, maybe they’re coworkers or acquaintances. But sometimes they are people that are supposedly close to you.

Step-kids.

Yesterday was the beginning of my 49th trip around the sun. It was a quiet day since the day before we were blanketed with about 9″ of snow (and the ensuing compact snow and ice on the roads). So, much of the day was spent watching tv, taking a nap, playing video games, and eating food.

Lots of people on social media, family and friends alike, issued wishes of cheer and congratulations on the day. That felt good.

Only two of the nine children (our six kids and three spouses/significant others) managed to communicate with me. MY daughter and the second oldest of the step-kids. That doesn’t feel nice.

They sure know how make me feel like crap…

Six(ty) Word Story

Posted on February 4, 2021 by backuphill

We have talked about it over and over again. You know I don’t like it.

I have asked you not to do it. You agreed you wouldn’t.

Yet, you do it anyway. Are your actions that important to only you?

You just ignore me and my feelings, my requests.

I don’t understand. I’m confused.

I’ll just sit here hurt, alone.

Grumpy pants

Posted on January 21, 2021 by backuphill

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

OK, I’ll admit it. I’m feeling a little like a grumpy pants today. Did I wake up on the “wrong side of the bed”? Nope. Just feeling grumpy. Not sure why. Just am.

Do you have days like this? Where all you want to do is scream from the top of your lungs, “LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Yep. Today is one of those days for me.

Not that anyone is really bothering me, per se, but there is much to do at work and I don’t want to do it. There is much to do at home and I don’t want to do it.

I would prefer not to have anyone call me, see me, email me, message me, talk to me, look at me.

Actually, now that I think about it…I kinda feel like Bernie Sanders looked yesterday at the inauguration. Not that he was actually grumpy (at least not that I have heard), just that he didn’t look like he was all that pleased or excited to be there. He was probably just cold, but the image and all the memes being generated kind of says it all.

Just leave me alone and all will be good. Just let me hang out in my grumpy pants and be me.

That is all.

Enthused?

Posted on October 9, 2020 by backuphill

Enthusiastic. Enthusiasm. Enthused.

Something that I am “less than” of.

OK, that last sentence is admittedly weird. But, maybe you got the point. There are things and people in my life that I am having a hard time getting enthused about or having any enthusiasm over. I am just feeling…blah…

Someone earlier in the week suggested meeting up. Nah. I’m fine. Didn’t feel any enthusiasm at the prospect.

Someone is visiting this weekend. Not all that enthused about it. I should be, since I haven’t seen the person since March and he’s my best friend in the world. But, I am just kind of…blah…

Is something wrong with me? Am I just going through a phase? Could it just be that I am so tired of people that relationships of any kind are just not worth the effort or excitement?

Anyone else experiencing this loss of enthusiasm over things they normally would feel enthused and energized by? If so, can you pin-point why you don’t feel the way you normally would?

If you need me, I’ll be over here the corner, not being enthusiastic about anything.

Shoulda

Posted on June 25, 2020 by backuphill

Photo by ??? on Pexels.com

I shoulda just called in sick today.

That’s not really the right attitude to have, but work sucks today.

I can think of hundreds of other things I’d rather be doing, or hundreds of other places I’d rather be.

Having a hard time dealing with it.

Just not motivated to exert myself in employment today.

My brain already hurts and I’m tired.

Shoulda. Shoulda done a lot of things. Shoulda, shoulda…