Listen

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It really sucks to see stuff happen to people.

But then again, there’s a reason the phrase “I told you so” often comes up in conversations after the fact. So, maybe it doesn’t suck. Dare I say it’s deserved?

It’s weird, isn’t it? How someone may (or may not have) ask for advice and you give it, and they ignore it. Then, almost as predictable as a fat kid near cake, what you predicted would happen happens and the only thing you can do is shake your head and bit your tongue as you think, “I told you so.”

When you ask someone with more life experience and they give you advice I would recommend you listen. Don’t just ask because you think it is the right thing to do or because you are looking for confirmation on the answer you want to hear. And if you don’t hear the answer you are looking for, certainly don’t go charging into the *insert problem/issue/dilemma/etc. here* without some serious other considerations. Ask more people. Sleep on it. Consider other options. Change course and see if something else will happen or something better comes about.

I hate being right.

No, actually, I don’t. I like being right.

Call me a jerk, if you want. But deep down, I know you like it too. And, secretly, we all like to be vindicated when we give advice and someone ignores it.

Are we bad people? No.

Should we celebrate in it? No. But we can secretly break our own arms patting ourselves on the back…go ahead and do it.

Feels nice, right?

At least that is better than sitting in public, pointing, and laughing. Of course, there may be a place for that too. But that’s a topic for another day.

Got away

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I’m late.

Sorry.

The day got away from me. I started working on a project for work and just lost track of time. I supposed that means I won’t Piss and Moan about anything…

Or maybe I will!

Life sucking, or money sucking, family members.

There. How do you feel about that?

There are members of families all over the world that seem to be the parasite, a leech, a blight upon the family. The neediness doesn’t stop and when some people in the family try to stop it, others of the family continue to enable it.

It might be the individual’s fault, or maybe just bad luck (or no luck at all), or maybe they are just the victim of circumstances, doesn’t really matter because they still seem to need something all the time. Want. Need. Whatever. Hand’s always out, looking for something.

“Help.” “Can you lend a hand?” “I was wondering…?” The approach may be different and sometimes it’s even a little veiled to make it look like they aren’t asking for help, but in reality they are. It’s always the same, but different.

Tiring. That’s what it is.

Day 5

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Vacation, Day 5:

The last day of official vacation.

It has been one for the record books. Not so much that it was epic but more like it was about as uneventful and boring as if I was sitting at home on the couch. Oh wait! I was doing that…mostly.

Today’s plans? More of the same. The sun is out but should I be optimistic about sticking around? Come on, do you know me by now or what? LOL Maybe I’ll go for a drive and reacquaint myself with some countryside I have seen in a while. Maybe not.

The only thing that isn’t the same today is that it is my youngest’s birthday. She is 17 today. There was already a Zoom birthday party for her in the middle of last week (queue the cancelled vacation plans this week), so I am not even sure I’ll get to see her today other than virtually. That sucks, but as she is getting older with more responsibilities so I know it will become more common regardless of a lockdown or not. Still, not sure what today holds for that and her.

I am pretty sure I’ll end today with a fire and a beer. Can’t decide if the fire should be in the fire pit or just set the house on fire and enjoy the fireworks from the front lawn.

This was the most uneventful and worst vacation ever.

Expenses and new adulthood

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Here’s a TOUGH question for you?

At what point do you have your adult children fend for themselves?

Specifically, a child has graduated from high school almost a year ago and is now 19. Oh, and I’ll add that the child is not currently living in your home. Said child has college expenses covered already (tuition and housing), but has no job.

What do you think?

What do you continue to support/provide and what do you not? What would you consider “extra” versus necessary?

There are some difficult discussions coming up and I am curious how you see this topic. I realize this is a bit of an open ended question and can be taken in a lot of different directions, so I am open to any and all responses.

Not in the mood

man sitting on concrete bench

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Before your brain goes there, let me just say that is not what I am talking about.

I just simply not in the mood to deal today.

Honestly, I’d just like to insulate myself from the world and do nothing.

I don’t want people around. I don’t want interaction of any kind.

I only want to do what I want to do, and it has to be something that is mindless and relaxing. It has to be fun (by my standards).

I am not in the mood to adult. I don’t want any responsibilities today. None.

Can I just sit here and sulk while I am at work, while I have to do everything that is exactly opposite of what I just said I wanted?

Stolen retirement?

Retired

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This morning’s irritation doesn’t really have anything to do with me, so much as it has to relatives. Well, this isn’t really an irritation for just this morning. This is an ongoing irritation that flairs of on a regular basis, especially when I feel like someone is being taken advantage of.

I have some family members who are generous people. They like to help others.

I have some family members who make poor choices and like to ask for help when things get tough.

As you can see, this combination of two types of family members makes for some behavior enabling and as a result, I don’t think anyone in the situation wins.

The biggest problem here, as I see it, is that the family members who think they are being generous and helpful are the grandparents of said family members who can’t seem to get their adult life and behavior figured out. Sure, the grandparents are free to spend their money as they see fit. They are adults and they are still of sound mind and body (at least as far as any of us are).

However, the issue I have is the frequency with which the grandchildren take advantage of their grandparents’ generosity. Less than six months ago, one of the grandchildren got a huge chunk of money (to the tune of about $3500) so they could move their family into a different rental house, one that was really beyond their means. Now that same grandchild is in need of a more fuel efficient vehicle (rental house is too far from job) and they don’t have the money for that either…and so an offer from the grandparents is on the table again…

I just can’t help but wonder if the grandparents are being robbed of their “golden years”? They live within their means and they obviously know how to manage their money, but we are often told they live meagerly and they can’t afford this or that, or they can’t get a better car for themselves, or they don’t go to doctor because they don’t think they can afford it. It’s stuff like that. Is that really how they should be living in retirement?

As the parent (step-parent/SNL, at that), when is it appropriate to say “Enough is enough” or to “Stop” or to “Step back”? Or, do I just stay out of it and let it go…none of my business kind of thing?

 

Getting real

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Let’s get real for a sec. Can we do that?

I am about to step on some toes, I am sure, but that’s OK. I do what I do.

OK, real. How’s this for real? I am going to go out on a limb here and make a bold statement:

If you are an adult and you are still having your mail delivered to mommy & daddy’s house as the main location of your mail delivery, you’re a loser.

There I said it.

I don’t feel bad about it.

As an adult, you should take responsibility for certain things. I believe being responsible for changing your mailing address after you move is one of those responsibilities. It’s not a hard thing to do. They have forms for that. Better yet, you can do it online and be done with it in a matter of minutes. Stop being so damn lazy that you can’t be responsible for your own mail.

Oh, and here’s a bonus bold statement:

If you’re a parent who allows your grown child to have mail delivered to your house when they have moved out just so you know they will have to stop by once in a while to get the mail, well, you’re just as lame.

Cut the damn cord already!

Good grief. If you are one of those parents who don’t mind getting your kids’ mail at your house then you are part of the problem too.  Help them get a freaking life! Oh, and while you’re at it, get one of your own too!

Ugh! Really. Just do it.

You both need to grow the hell up.

 

Pick up

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Time for a good ol’ fashioned rant about kids.

What is the freakin’ deal with kids these days? Specifically my own, but really it must be more than just my own. I may be a matter of culture at this point.

Here’s the thing: It doesn’t matter how old they are, they just don’t/won’t pick up after themselves.

When the adult children come over, they leave crap laying around. Stuff they used – dishes, a towel, a coat, shoes, personal possessions…then throw in if they have kids and then there is all their crap spread all over the place like the dang toy chest exploded. The adult kids don’t even pick up after their own kids. They leave stuff in the yard and spread out all over. They leave stuff in the driveway. They leave stuff in the bathroom, living room, etc. You get the point.

We got after them as kids to clean up after themselves. We disposed of things when they didn’t pick up after themselves and being warned. We grounded them. We yelled. Why did the message not get through? Wait, maybe it did. Maybe they are just that lazy that they don’t care. From the oldest to the youngest, it’s a problem. Not they have multiplied and their minions are doing the same thing.

Ugh.

I think I’ll move to Siberia. As least there it will be minimally populated and I won’t have to pick up after people.


 

Whether they are adults or not, what do you kids do that annoys you?

Seat for one

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It has been a summer of doing stuff on my own. Mostly traveling to different extended family events in other parts of the state. Back forth I go!

Once again, I am off on my own this weekend. The family is going in many different directions and when the kids get to be of the age where they have cars and jobs, they have to start making choices between participation and doing this “adult-ish.”

So, once again, I have reserved a seat for one at a family gathering.

I am not sure if I am complaining or bragging. Sometimes I wish it wasn’t that way, but at other times I don’t mind it because I don’t have to be accountable to or worry about anyone but me. There is freedom in that. I can eat when I want. I can stop on the way there when I want. I can take my time and get there when I want.

OK, I guess I am not really complaining on this when I look at it that way.


 

Do you value your time alone when you are traveling or would you prefer to do it with others?

Wolf in sheep’s clothing

brown wolf

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If you have watched any TV, either live or on a paid service, you have probably seen an ad for something that was vague enough to be intriguing but also vague enough to seem just a bit shady.

I saw the commercial again last night and I just gotta think that someone is marketing the hell out of dangerous app. Dangerous? Why? Well, because it is just a pay day loan repackaged to look like something else. I would recommend you stay a long ways away from that app called Earnin. Here is a review, or the BBB, take if for what it is worth.

Now you don’t have to actually walk into one of those Money Tree stores or find the local loan shark to get your legs broken, you can just get money via your phone. Yeah, brilliant. Except that it preys on people, especially low-income people. It just creates a dangerous cycle that is hard to get out of.

**Quick disclaimer: I am not speaking from experience. I am not stupid, or desperate.**

I have known people who get stuck in these cycles and it rarely seems to have a pretty ending. How about we teach people financial responsibility instead of sucking them into spending money they don’t have?

Watch out people. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Cliche, I know, but there is a reason these cliches exist.