Paranoia

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I went to Costco this last Sunday. It was a regular trip for me. Nothing of immediate need and I was actually going to do some research on a possible big purchase.

It just so happens that this was also the day the moron of a governor was announcing his new mandates for the next foreseeable future. Those mandates would go into effect the following day, or the day after. Lockdown Part Deux.

Anyway, it seems others who were visiting Costco that day were simply there to buy toilet paper and paper towels again. REALLY? Gosh you people are stupid. Panic buying.

Oh, and the panic was on the outside of the building too. The line, in the wind and rain, to get into the fricking place was the entire length of the building. Also, the sheep were wearing their masks while standing outside in the wind and at least six feet apart.

Apparently the fear is so great or they have now been so conditioned to wear the mask that they don’t even mind wearing it outside in the fresh air! Gosh you people are stupid.

Well, I was the only person in line that I could see that wasn’t complying with the mask thing. I stood there, with my mask off, will I got right up to the door. Yes, I will wear it inside (though I don’t really like it) to help others and also help businesses stay open. I am not going to intentionally get people in trouble (well, at least not yet…).

I just couldn’t believe all the stupidity on display. Actually, I guess nothing really surprises me. No, actually, there are still things that surprise me. I guess this was one of them.

How quickly people let the paranoia set in and control the.

Who did this?

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WHO DID THIS?!?!?

…leaving a square destroyed like this is just not acceptable. It’s unusable at this point!

I may hyperventilate at the wastefulness. This impacts resources. Seriously. This stuff doesn’t grow on trees…and neither does the money needed to buy this it…

Wait.

Wipe that…from the memory banks…

Maybe both do grow on trees.

OK, “toilet paper math dad,” what do you do with this? How does this calculate into your figuring? And does the average person actually need (or use) 20 squares? But I digress.

All right, what do you do with these wasted squares? Do you put them inside the next wipe, do you tear it off and drop it in the toilet so you have a nice neat edge for the next wipe, or do you tear it off and re-purpose it? Any other ideas you can think of?

TP

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What the heck ya’ll doing?

I hope you aren’t one of those crazy people out there hoarding toilet paper for no damn reason! Seriously! Covid-19 ain’t got nothing to do with your pooper, people. You all are just going “5150” on us.

People fighting in the aisles of stores? Costco limiting purchases and having to hand out the TP? Empty store shelves wherever you go? Good grief people, TP isn’t gonna keep you from getting the virus and it sure as hell isn’t needed if you had the virus. All you really have done is create a black market for TP.

Ya’ll done “wiped” out the stores. I wish I was making this sh*t up. Get your mind “outta the toilet” and wash your hands instead. Let’s “flush” this nonsense asap.

See, now you got me all making puns for funs because people ain’t got the runs.

If you are one of those hoarders, STOP! Ain’t no poop emergency.

 

Over/Under

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If you are betting person, you probably think this is about something you do. It isn’t. I am not really a betting person, but I’ll take the Over on the fact that you likely have an opinion on today’s topic. Almost everyone does, they just might not like to admit it.

It goes a little like this…

You walk into the room. You really aren’t paying but you find a seat and go about your business. As you finish, you notice the toilet paper is wrong. Wrong, as in someone has put the roll in backwards. You try to ignore it but you just can’t. You have to try and switch it so it meets your preference. Over or Under.

I had to deal with this in my own house recently. Someone who doesn’t live here put the new roll of toilet paper into the dispenser the wrong way. I immediately had to fix it. I couldn’t even start the process by sitting down first.

Me? Well, I prefer Over. It is, after all, the only right way to do it.

How about you? Does the Over/Under bother you? Do you have a hard time resisting fixing it, even in someone else’s house?

**PSA: Parents, if you are teaching your children the Under, you are doing it wrong. Please don’t subject the rest of the public to your malfeasance. No one, especially your children, deserves that kind of abuse.

My love/hate relationship with toilet paper

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What to do…what to do…well, this blog is going in the toilet…

The picture above was from a recent trip to the men’s room at work. Yes, I needed to “cop a squat” and empty the main tank. There were so many choices for toilet paper that it was a little overwhelming. However, there wasn’t really a choice because they all were of the same relative quality, which got me to thinking about my love/hate relationship with TP.

It’s too thin. It’s too thick. There is not enough on the roll (or worse, there are no rolls at all). The roll is too big to fit in the dispenser. Use too much and you plug the toilet. Use too little and you’re sporting a brown racing stripe in the undies. Sometimes protects the fingers and other times you’re using TP to wipe the fingers before your next wipe on the rear end.

At least one of these problems occurs during each visit to “the can” and you *literally* sit there fuming. So why is that we can’t figure out an alternative to this stuff? Yes, there are “adult wipes” but they plug the toilets or sewer systems. There are bidets, but that hasn’t caught on in the US and I am still not sure what you are supposed to do about a wet ass…(as you can tell, I have never been presented with this option).

Anyone else feel me on this love/hate relationship? What do you think is the solution?