Extreme dislike – Morning Routine

straight razor kit

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You know how you have that one thing that you really just don’t like doing? Do you wish there was a permanent solution so you didn’t have to do it? Yeah, me too.

In this case I am talking about – SHAVING!

Ugh, I hate doing it. I hate that it takes so much time to do it in the mornings. I hate that I have to buy razors and handles and cream/foam/gel (whatever). I hate that I have to look at my ugly mug each morning and debate, “Is today the day? Should I shave or not? Can I get away with not doing it today?”

OK, ladies, I know. I know! Stop complaining, right? I realize I have way less surface area to shave. But, I also can’t (realistically) hide my noggin in pants, or under a skirt (or even in a mask). You at least have that! I don’t have the option to hide it if I don’t want to shave.

And, yes, I could just go full lumberjack (or worse, hipster…), but this just isn’t really acceptable in the business world quite yet and I also have some health issues that keep from doing it long term. So, yeah, there are limitations that make it necessary to shave.

I just hate it.

 

Hack hack cough cough

action celebration club crowd

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afe;anu;aenuBGJVABFV;A;nabn;uanb;nr;an. anfaournajnv. uanpouvannurafknajhrh. $$%$^&#!

Oops, sorry…

It’s so damn smoky here in WA that I can’t hardly see my keyboard. Air quality sucks and visibility sucks even more. Those beautiful mountains that are normally in the distance, snow capped peaks and such, are all gone. It is like we are suddenly living on a flat Earth (stop it! Stop. It. I know what you’re thinking – that was a simile).

I.Can’t.Breathe.

I.Can’t.Think.

Someone stop putting the fires out every year so we can breathe a little easier next year. Yeah, that is actually how it works. Just saying…

Anyway, give me a shout out if you can’t breathe as well. Or give me a shout out because you can take in lungs full of clean air and have the energy to shout.

 

The only safe place on Earth

alone bed bedroom blur

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Monday morning and there seems to be only one safe place left on Earth. Ok, to be fair, each of us only has one safe place left…

BED.

I don’t want to get up. I don’t want to go to work. I don’t want to do anything today. I don’t want to see people. I don’t want to talk to people. I don’t want to sit in traffic. I don’t want to…I just don’t want to…

WAIT. Maybe bed isn’t the safest place any more. I think I have just been assaulted by my alarm clock. Damn. So much for this safe space.

Cockroaches, AND weeds

white dandelion

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Alright, you all know the joke about the only living thing being able to survive a nuclear holocaust is a cockroach, right? Well, I think we can add one more thing to that list…and they’re living in my yard (and likely yours too). As we work in the flower beds or mow the lawn, we all refer to them as – “F$%*#@ weeds!” We just get tired of them always being there.

Weeds. Weeds! How is it that the grass can turn brown and die, but there are weeds flourishing in my yard? One the side of the road? In fields everywhere? How is it that they can get NO WATER and still live? They can’t be killed! You spray them with killer. You burn them with flamethrowers. And they just keep.coming.back. How can this be?

So, I think we need to change the joke. We can just simply say that there will be two living things on Earth after a nuclear war…cockroaches and weeds. It will be a perfect world where two of the most unwanted, least desired, most indestructible life forms will live in our place. Perfect.

I wonder if it really makes a difference

smartphone car technology phone

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On any given work day, I have nearly two hours of commute (round trip) time. Yeah, I can feel your groans. I do it too. To be honest, the commute is the worst part of my job and if I could not do it and make the same income I would change in a heartbeat. But, it is what it is.

So, I have been using the Waze app to see if it can help alleviate the commute time a little. Supposedly it is “real time” traffic routing based on user reports. It is owned by Google, so all it does it take the traffic reports and move it to a different app instead of the regular Google Maps app. Anyway, I am not sure it is helping.

Why is it not helping? Or at least, why do I not think it is helping? Well, it takes me just as long to get home when I use it and when I don’t use it. By time it routes be down some obscure neighborhood road, or through every traffic light in town, it has taken me roughly the same amount of time to get to the exact same choke point at just going the most direct route, via the highway where all the other cars are sitting in traffic. Maybe it is just the nature of the necessary route to get home (there are literally only two ways to get home via two choke points). But, one would think that you could at least get to the choke point a little faster using the app. Not so.

Anyone else have a similar experience?

#trafficiskillingme #smh

That zit, I’ve had it!

pimple-forehead-13000754

Stock photo from some random Google search.

Of course, I wake up and there is a freaking beacon of red, flashing on my forehead this morning. Of course. Where the hell did that come from?

Zit. Pimple. Blemish. Skin eruption.

Is it me, or do guys/men have a distinct disadvantage when dealing with this kind of stuff? I mean, if something of this sort happens to a woman (ok, I am generalizing here), they have products to deal with it, AND at the very least something to cover it up. Guys, we don’t have those kinds of products…or at least a vast majority of men don’t. So, now what?

To add to this already relatively unattractive mug, I now have something to stare at as I present in front of a group or talk to clients. Great. Just great. As if I didn’t already have a reason to feel self-conscious.

Oh, you must be exempt from traffic laws

auto automobile blur buildings

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Wanna know who is exempt from traffic laws? Cops, apparently.

You see them speed all the time on the highway. You see them make a flagrant u-turns in traffic. You see them park on the side of the road (especially on overpasses) with a portion of their vehicle in traffic. You see them park in “No Parking” or “Fire” zones. You see them park on sidewalks. You see them using their computers and their cell phones while driving. You see them not use their signals properly. So, they must be exempt, right?

I was always under the impression that the only time they were exempt from traffic laws was when they had their lights on and were responding to a call. They don’t even have to have their siren on, but they at the very least had to have their lights on. Otherwise, I was under the impression they should act as though they are the same as any other citizen. Well, we clearly and regularly don’t see this happen, right?

So what gives? I have never had a law enforcement official clearly explain this to me. When asked if they are exempt from the law, they say no but they can’t explain why it is acceptable why they violate traffic laws on a regular basis. Anyone got an answer?