Coffee art

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I’ve watched videos. I’ve seen pictures.

I had questions and even briefly thought, “That’s kinda cool,” until I experienced it. I’ve had it handed to me over the counter at a couple different places and now I just kinda think, “Stop doing this crap.”

Who exactly is this for, me or the barista?

I don’t really think it is for me, honestly. I has to be for the barista but I can’t pin-point why…

For me, it doesn’t increase the taste of the coffee. It doesn’t increase my enjoyment of the coffee. It doesn’t give me “the feels” to have some cutesy picture or image in my coffee as I proceed to consume it. It does, however, appear to make by steaming hot cup of joe…cooler, and less enjoyable. I wanted it hot, not lukewarm because it took you an extra two minutes to draw a picture in my beverage.

For the barista, does it make you feel good about yourself? Does it help your self-image to give someone a cooler cup of joe? It there some special place in heaven (or hell) that awards you for your handiness with cold foam coffee art?

I don’t know. I just can’t stand it and it bugs me to no end that people waste time and good coffee to practice this stuff.

JUST GIMME THE JOE AND STOP PLAYING WITH MY FOOD/DRINK.

Influencer tendencies

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I am not totally sure how the whole “influencer” thing start or how you achieve “influencer” status. Is it something you aspire to or do you just fall into it by having something go viral? I guess it doesn’t matter as I haven’t much desire to be an influencer, though having money for seemingly doing nothing would be nice.

A couple things that I have noticed about influencers:

  • Female influencers tend to
    • Post a lot of clothing “fit check” photos
    • Post videos of their makeup/skincare/hair routines
    • Show more skin to get more clicks/looks/views/likes/shares
    • Share a lot of food videos/pictures
    • Shopping “haul” videos
    • Product reviews…solicited and unsolicited
  • Male influencers tend to
    • Post a lot of car videos photos
    • Post a lot of prank videos
    • Post “fit check” photos
    • Share food and alcohol videos/photos
    • Generally are way shallow in content

Did I miss anything? Is this how you get to be an influencer?

Anyway, I don’t know why I wrote about this today. I guess it was just on my mind and was wondering what others thought about the trend of “influencers.” Do you foresee a future with this trend continuing or do you think it will eventually tire itself out?

Cravings hate

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Anyone else have episodes where cravings just wanna take over their life? I mean, like, you just wanna eat everything in sight or have a craving of something very specific and it can’t be satiated even when you are consuming it?

The last couple weeks I have had a severe craving for crunchy and salty.

Terrible. Terrible for me (not that I am a health nut or anything).

I seriously could mow through a whole bag of chips or pretzels or bags of popcorn or whatever. Doesn’t really matter as long as it is salty and crunchy.

Anyone? Anyone else?

Is the change in weather? Is it the change in body needs? Is it just all in my head?

I don’t know. I just wanna snack away…

Therefore, I am going to bury my head in a bag of something…I’ll come up for air when it is gone, or EMS will find me with my head at the bottom of a Lays bag with my mouth full…

**PS – I am not a bioligist, but I know without a doubt that I am a male and I am not pregnant.**

I’ll go

Some days….lately, a lot of days…

There are a lot of days as of late that I have to admit I feel like Cameron, from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, when Ferris is trying to get him to go out for the day.

So many things these days put me in this mood – I don’t want to do it, I don’t want to go, I don’t want to see/hear/talk to people. I don’t want to work. I don’t want to do responsibility. I don’t want to adult. There are lots of reasons for feeling this way and I am in no way sick or anything like that. I just don’t want to.

But, guess what? Just like Cameron in the movie, I go.

I do it. Because not doing it means that stuff would just fall apart.

Damn responsibility…

Good eating

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I like to eat way too much.

Check that statement. If you read that or make that statement in the wrong way, there is the impression that I consume more than I should (which, I suppose, is true to some degree), but that isn’t what I mean.

I like the act of eating and the taste of good food, way too much.

I was thinking last night about a kind of strange thing, or maybe not. It was in reference to food, good food. So, I’ll pose the question to the group, and don’t take health considerations into account. Ignore that for a moment and purely make a decision on variety, quality, and taste.

If you could only consume food from one restaurant menu for the rest your life, what restaurant would it be?

This is a challenging question. I would think you would want to choose one that serves a variety of types of food. Limiting yourself to one style or type of food would get rather mundane. As much as I may like Chick-Fil-A or Taco Bell or Wendy’s or whatever, the variety of food offerings isn’t diverse enough.

Instead, you probably would consider places that have more casual dining menus, places like Denny’s or Applebees or Red Robin or IHop or …. I am sure there are more to choose from and the list could go on.

For me, I guess the first choice I would make would probably be Applebees (unless presented with a better choice). I like the variety they offer and I have never really had a bad meal there.

So, what about you? What would you choose?

Unnecessary apology #5

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Kinda late with this one today, but I was busy…

Once again I am here to humbly ask your forgiveness. Once again I am sure I have offended and disappointed someone out there, so let me issue this unnecessary apology just so I can cover all my bases in all instances from now until the end of time.

I bathed. Yes, I took a bath. It was a full bath tub and I actually enjoyed it.

Sorry if that makes you mad. Sorry if that makes me “less manly” or “more feminine.”

I didn’t take it to get clean. I took it to relax. I took it because it was time to be alone and in the quiet. Call it “self-care,” whatever the heck that is.

But, here’s the thing, and I am sure there is the part that will really rile some environmentalist or climate change activest’s feathers…

…the bath tub was FULL! And, it was full with HOT water!

Like, I put as much hot water in there as possible without making it spill over the edge as I lowered my body in.

What a waste, right? Too much water and too much energy was used. I am such a bad, horrible, irresponsible person.

I am sure there are poor thirsty people somewhere in the world where I could have sent all that water. Probably some farm or garden or some dried up lake/stream that supports a lower life form that could have used that water.

What’s that you say? Oh, sorry, I had my head underwater. I couldn’t hear your protests…

Not sorry, sorry.

Unnecessary apology #4

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It was the 80s. What can I say? We all did things back then that we probably look back and cringe with disdain. 1986 was the transistion year between middle school and high school. It was awkward. Despite being fitting for the time, I look back at my former self and realize now that if I judge myself through the current “progressive” lens (even though I am not) that I really should be ashamed of myself. So, today’s unnecessary apology goes out to…

Egyptians.

Yes, Egyptians.

Why? Well, if you knew then what you know now, then today that the little dance you did in your bedroom or lockeroom or living room or bar would be prohibited. Why? Because of some kind of appropriation. I am not sure if it would be cultural or national or something else, but it is just so regretable now.

I am guilty. I am guilty of walking like an Egyptian.

Therefore, though I am not sure I really need to, I want to apologize to all the Egyptians (past, present, and into perpetuity) for doing this silly act.

I was young. I was impressionable.

I blame it on the Bangles. Their “Walk like an Egyptian” song is totally at fault. It was just such a catchy little tune. And, hey, if my silly and awkward movements might have caught Susanna Hoff’s attention somehow, well, that would have been just awesome.

So, yeah, sorry about that, Egyptians.

Just try not to get your groove (and appropriation) on when listening…

Unnecessary apology #3

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You don’t have to admit it, but I know you have done this one too, especially if you have your own children. I’ll admit it for you. Today’s apology goes out to all primates because it’s probably not fair or cool or proper or appropriate or politically correct of us humans to imitate your eating of a banana (or at least what we think you might look like when eating a banana).

It all started that one day, way back when my daughter was just a wee one and she was finally able to eat semi-solid food. Of course, one of the softer foods to serve a wee one is a banana.

So, as she was strapped into the high chair and I was doing the thing from Unnecessary apology #2, I was prepping for my primate impersonation….

…Assume the posture, make primate noises and sounds, imitate primate mobility, make primate faces, consume banana in the primate way…

All for the entertainment of a wee one. Smiles, giggles, and claps ensue from the wee one.

Goal achieved.

Except, now thinking back, it was wholey inappropriate of me to assume that I could or should take on primate charateristics. How rude and insensitive of me. I am sure they (the primates) would be offended had they seen me.

Apology served.

Unnecessary apology #2

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I don’t know if there is a term for this, but I probably have to apologize to someone, somewhere for it. Maybe the apology is owed to the young for being patronizing or maybe it is to the older folks for stooping so low as to “not act my age.”

So, today, I apologize to whomever needs to hear it – young or old.

I am sorry for talking like a baby (or very small child) to a baby.

Again, I have to admit it, but it comes as a rather natural reaction to revert back to this way of communication when someone small is involved. I just can’t help myself. The “goo-goo, ga-ga’s” just kind of fall out of my head. Is baby talk natural? It must be because we all tend to do it…and I don’t even really like babies all that much.

I find that I hate myself a little more after having regressed back to infantile language skills, but for whatever reason it seems to work in my meager attempt at communication to elicit a smile from the newly present humans.

So, please, small human, accept this unnecessary apology.

Unnecessary apology #1

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I’m sorry. I did it inadvertently. It was just a knee-jerk reaction.

During this month of honoring women, I want to apologize to all women.

I have been or am guilty of gender appropriation.

You see, when I have climbed under the house to access a dark, dank, and mildy creepy crawl space I have at times “screamed like a woman.”

I know, I know. I am not proud of it.

I shouldn’t do it because I am a man and things like this shouldn’t faze me.

To be honest, spiders don’t really freak me out. BUT, in the context of being in a dark, confined space and feeling the creepy crawlies on the back of your neck or by your ear, well, that is just going to get a reaction most guys aren’t proud of.

Please, accept by sincerest apologies for oppressing you by appropriating your screams.

I’ll do better.

**There will be more posts in a new series I am going to call, Unnecessary Apology. Keep an eye out for them and let me know if you agree or not.**