Batten down the hatches

silhouette photography of boat on water during sunset

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Crap. This “boat” was sailing in one direction only to have the wind change and now the “sails” are all messed up and there’s a “storm” on the horizon (ok, maybe this was a bad metaphor to use since I am not a sailor…).

Anyway, have you ever gone to bed prepared and juiced up to do something in the morning at work? Like, you totally have all your ducks in a row and you’re psyched to get stuff done! Yeah, that was me last night. I have some projects I need to work on and am excited about doing…

ONLY to find out in the morning your boss has given you a different assignment and your plans are totally out the door? Damn. So much for that “wind in my sails” crap. Deflated and definitely not excited about the day ahead.

So much for progress.

Like a wrecking ball

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Anyone else feel like they hit a wall the moment they left the bed?

The urge to return to the warm confines of the sheets and just melt back into the mattress was very strong this morning.

MONDAY came in like a wrecking ball. It never hit so hard…

*There ya go, get that little ditty outta your head now*

You’re welcome, and unhappy Monday to you too.

Now, where is my intravenous coffee pot?

Keep your paws off

woman opening refrigerator

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There are certain things in life that just shouldn’t be. And, to be fair, there are probably things in life that just should be. As humans, we like things to be a certain way – our way.

I am right and you are wrong. Plain and simple.

I just want to point out a place where I just want it to be a certain way. If I am honest, it is that I just don’t like sharing certain things. It’s mine and I want it to stay that way! To what am I referring?

Restaurant leftovers.

Petty? Yes. Piss me off? Definitely.

Keep your paws off my leftovers. I ordered it and I brought it home, for me to eat, not you! Just because it is in the fridge doesn’t mean it is fair game to anyone that opens the door. Got it?

Unless I have given explicit permission, it is not yours to eat. Period. So, stay away!

How do you feel about your leftovers? Have you ever experienced this outrage, at home? At the office? Shared apartment with roommates? What’s your worst experience with this?

It cuts not so deep

straight razor kit

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The morning ritual of shaving (something my face can’t handle on a daily basis so I alternate) has got to be one of the worst forms of torture. Can I just stop hair growth on my face?

For a tiny little razor, it sure makes my face bleed red. How is that possible?

The blades are minuscule, and for the most part they lay flat on my face. I try to keep the angle correct, yet somehow I end up with red spots and scrapes and my face looks like I was attacked by a lawnmower. Those little cuts are just enough to be annoying but not deep enough to be a medical emergency.

Ugh, I hate it. And yet, I don’t really have an alternative. So, the torture continues…every other day.

Is that really necessary?

aerial photo of buildings and roads

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Alright, if you are one of these people, I will not be apologizing for my attitude this morning.

If you are one of those people that has to ride on the back bumper, climb inside the tailpipe, or (a more generic term) tailgate – I really don’t like you.

I mean I REALLY don’t like you. You are a straight up jackwagon.

Do you think the world revolves around you? Do you think you are so important that you feel the need to try to push people out of your way? Do you think you are so high and mighty that you would risk causing an accident, or worse – hurting people, just so you can get somewhere faster?

Let’s be real. You aren’t going to push me out of the way. You aren’t going to make me move. You will, in fact, cause me to go slower, especially if there is traffic. Especially if there is traffic!

Maybe that makes me a jerk. Don’t care.

If you can clearly see there are cars next to me and in front of me, I obviously have nowhere to go. So explain to me how exactly riding my ass is going to motivate me to get out of your way? It won’t. Let’s be clear. I will make me more obstinate that I already am.

Listen, people, if you are one of those drivers that just can’t peel yourself off the bumper in front of you – pray you never drive behind me. Your head will pop, and I will smile.

Have a nice day.

Choices vs. Choices

There are days were choices are just hard. It’s always this versus that. Me versus them. Us versus them. Me versus that.

So today, the choices seemed harder than most days:

Get up, work out, have a fabulous body (some day, because it isn’t right now).

OR

Stay in the warm, comfy bed and sleep more.

Effort and exertion versus rest, comfort, and warmth.

Dang it.

Fine.

I got up.

But I hated it.

Stupid choices.

Why can’t we just have both?

Choices suck.

 

Snow day telecommute

black vehicle traveling on road near person walker

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Well, the snow came just as they predicted and it hasn’t let up yet. This is somewhat unusual for the Pacific Northwest and there was a collective “YES!” across the region as schools are mostly closed today.

As you may recall from earlier posts, I drive about an hour to work every day. Weather like this makes it a challenge, to say the least, so I have decided to telecommute today. That makes work much easier and less stressful that trying to battle the roads and elements.

Quite frankly, I didn’t want to drive today. NOT because of the weather. I can handle that and have enough experience to handle what the roads may throw at me.

However, what I can’t account for are the other idiots on the road! I gotta tell ya, for a region that does a lot of driving in less than ideal weather, people are freaking stupid when it comes to this stuff. I see more four-wheel drive vehicles on the side of the road, in the ditch, upside down than I see any other vehicles. Guys (and I do mean that literally), just because you have a four-wheeled vehicle doesn’t mean you are invincible. You still need to use your brain, and a little less of that lead foot.

So, playing it safe from the other drivers today. And, if you live in the NW like I do, take it easy if you have to go out. The object is to get there. It isn’t about how fast you got there.

 

I have a proposal

alcohol anniversary beautiful beverage

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No, not that kind of proposal.

I know there will be some blow-back on this, but I would like to propose a new weekly work schedule. And while I understand there will be some resistance to this, I also know I will get a ton of support. If that support turns into millions of dollars in donations, well then I will run for president and make it happen.

Wanna hear it? I thought so.

I propose that we have Fridays every three days. None of this wait till the end of the week thing or working for the weekend. We should just adjust the schedule so that every three days is a Friday. Work one day, then a weekend. Work one day, then a weekend. Work one day, then a weekend. Understand? Yeah, I think you do. I can feel your support for this proposal growing by the second.

So, if you would like this to happen, donate money to me and I’ll kick off my presidential campaign as soon as I hit $10 million. That math is easy…I need 1 million people to donate $10 each or 2 million people to donate $5 each. See how easy that is?

OK, if you are with me, donate now!

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Guess we’ll starve

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Ok, I know this is a question for the ages and it is as much a mystery as finding a sasquatch…

Why, when you are with a group of people or family, is it so dang hard to decide on a place to go to eat? Why does it have to be an exercise in patience and tolerance, with a side of not murdering someone?

I mean, really? Is it that tough to decide? Everyone put an idea on the table. Is there a common thread to the ideas? Similar location? Wide variety of food options at your idea? Could everyone find something on the menu to satisfy their taste?

Sheesh, people.

My family is the worst. I honestly think it would be better to starve than try to make everyone remotely happy.

“Fine. Stay home and starve. I’m out the door and I’ll eat by myself.”

The evil that lurks inside

woman dark eye spooky

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There is evil in the house.

It resides in a place you never thought to look, yet it rears it’s ugly head at the most inopportune time and it strikes fear in all who encounter it. It most often shows itself in red, digital form but has been known by other identifications as well. It squawks. Sometimes it plays music at unimaginable volumes of incoherence.

The evil of which I speak?

The Saturday morning alarm clock.

Why is it that the man-child in the house can’t figure out his damn alarm clock but can figure out how to subvert Netflix security?

The alarm clock has a week day setting so it only goes off on school days, but NO he has it set for every day of the week. So, Saturday morning rolls around and the 6:00am squawking of a high pitched chirp can be heard throughout the house. There is no escaping it and there is no ignoring it, unless you are he who sleeps right next to it.

I swear if I have to stumble out of bed, half asleep, through a dark house to unplug (yes, I didn’t even bother with switches and nobs) the thing, again, I am going to blow a gasket. I mean like really.

Wait, maybe I’ll self impose the dog house. There are no alarms in there…