I am validated

left human hand

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Research shows, Piss and Moan is good for you.

Angry? Cynical? Pessimist? Grumpy? Ill-tempered?

All good for you, according to research.

Since we’re so into science these days and scientists know all, and should be trusted at all times, so you know this is quality stuff. How could they possibly be wrong? Well, honestly, they’re not. They know their stuff!

So, Bobby McFerrin, you can take your “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” and shove it! According to research, that crap is bad for your health and is more likely to kill you.

Need some help getting into the Piss and Moan mood? I have a few helpful hints to get you there, because I am also an expert in this area.

Try these responses to common, courtesy phrases:

They say: “Good morning!”  /  Your response: “What’s good about it?”

They say: “Have a nice day!”  /  Your response: “Don’t tell me what to do.”

Try these thoughts as you go out in public:

Good grief, people are really stupid.

You know, if half these people died right now I wouldn’t miss them.

Based on today’s display of humanity, would pre-historic times really have been that bad?

Try these thoughts about family:

They say: “We’re coming over.”  /  Your response: “Do you really have to?”

When, for all that is holy, can I stop parenting for 20 minutes?

How are these losers really my kids?

I’m not really genetically related to these people, am I?

You say: “Can you all just leave now?”  /  They say: “But, we haven’t been here that long.”

See how easy that is? Piss and Moan more. It has been validated and scientifically proven to be good for you.

You’re welcome.

 

Glitter

Maybe this is a weird topic, maybe it isn’t. I don’t have a lot to say about it. I may have even talked about it already on the ol’ blog, but I was reminded again this weekend…

I hate it. With passion.

It is evil.

If ever there was someone who deserved to be drawn and quartered, it would be the inventor of glitter. I don’t even have to look up who invented it because I don’t care. 1000 cursed deaths upon whomever it is.

I can’t even continue writing this post because it upsets me so much.

I’ll be back tomorrow with something less traumatizing. I apologize if this triggered something for you.

 

Reverse lights

monopoly car piece

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There are lots of things that are extremely irritating in life. This blog is kind of dedicated to finding and expressing our frustration with such things. I can across one the other day that just about had me come unhinged – temper went from 0-83 in less than 1.4 seconds.

You see them in parking lots all the time but maybe you don’t give them much thought.

Reverse lights.

Those white lights on the back of vehicles that are your signal that said vehicle is about to begin backing up. Great idea, those lights.

But, what isn’t a great idea is that someone who has put the vehicle in reverse, thus turning the lights on, can also IMMEDIATELY begin backing up without any regard to what may be behind them.

I am sure this is no secret since nearly anyone who has ever driven a car has probably experience this in a parking lot at some point in their past. What is most frustrating is that it seems to be happening more and more. I can’t explain it, but I sure want to punch people when it happens. To be fair, I am not really a violent person but there are some things that really get my blood boiling, and this is one of them.

I have nearly been hit while driving a car and while walking. It’s happened in parking lots. It’s happened on the road as someone backs out of a driveway. It’s happened during broad daylight and it has happened at night. Good thing I am aware of my surroundings!

Anyway, I propose there be a 10 second waiting period , a delay if you will, on Reverse. The car goes into reverse, the lights come one, and you have to wait 10 seconds before the car will move. That should force someone to have a look around (I hope). Oh, and while we’re at it, how about a sensor in the seat that can read the body language or tell if someone looked out the back window before the car will move? Yeah, now we’re on to something.

OK, let me know in the comments if you have experienced this? Were you able to avoid the collision or were you one of the unlucky, wrong place at the wrong time kind of people?

 

Is that really necessary?

aerial photo of buildings and roads

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Alright, if you are one of these people, I will not be apologizing for my attitude this morning.

If you are one of those people that has to ride on the back bumper, climb inside the tailpipe, or (a more generic term) tailgate – I really don’t like you.

I mean I REALLY don’t like you. You are a straight up jackwagon.

Do you think the world revolves around you? Do you think you are so important that you feel the need to try to push people out of your way? Do you think you are so high and mighty that you would risk causing an accident, or worse – hurting people, just so you can get somewhere faster?

Let’s be real. You aren’t going to push me out of the way. You aren’t going to make me move. You will, in fact, cause me to go slower, especially if there is traffic. Especially if there is traffic!

Maybe that makes me a jerk. Don’t care.

If you can clearly see there are cars next to me and in front of me, I obviously have nowhere to go. So explain to me how exactly riding my ass is going to motivate me to get out of your way? It won’t. Let’s be clear. I will make me more obstinate that I already am.

Listen, people, if you are one of those drivers that just can’t peel yourself off the bumper in front of you – pray you never drive behind me. Your head will pop, and I will smile.

Have a nice day.