Yes, please, treat me

baked baking bread breakfast

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Actually, don’t. Stop it already.

Yes, I want all your office treats that you don’t want. No, I don’t want all the office treats that you don’t want. I mean really, it’s a battle that I have been waging for a long time.

Fellow office mates, “Hmm, I am not really into chocolate. I’ll give it to, Grumpy. He eats everything.”

Fellow office mates, “There are leftover cupcakes from the party. Grumpy, do you want them?”

I am trying to lose weight, so why does everyone bring their crap to me? Oh, well, maybe I should actually tell them NO instead of eating it. I just hate to waste food.

I am my own worst enemy.

Yep, I’m THAT dad

blue and gray concrete house with attic during twilight

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Temperature is an important thing. It can’t be too hot and and it can’t be too cold. That is why I commissioned as scientific study (not really) of the atmosphere in the house and I have set the thermostat to the perfect temp for every occasion and every moment of the day.

So, SO HELP ME if someone touches the freaking thermostat! Period. It was perfect where it was at both in temperature but also on energy consumption. Leave it alone!

I swear the next person I see touch the thermostat…IMA BOUT TO COME UNCORKED!! I’m gonna break their fingers, and the next person after that (since they didn’t learn from the previous example) will get their fingers cut off and feed to the dog (ok not really, but it sounds good)!

Just. Leave. It. Alone.

If you’re hot, wear less clothing. If you’re cold, wear more clothing. Just don’t touch the thermostat.

Anyone else have to deal with this? Am I insane? It is really that hard to just not touch?

 

I am a shoe person

black brown classic close up

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Ok, the title is (purposely) misleading. No, I am not the kind of guy that collects shoes just because they are cool or because I need one for every occasion. Read on for the explanation.

I was recently invited to a party. It was a gathering of about 40 people (adults and children) getting together to celebrate a special occasion and it was at the host’s home. they have a nice place and the carpet/floors are fairly new.

Usually when you go to their place the first thing you have to do when you get in the door is take off your shoes. This is rather irritating to me, for several reasons. One, I am a shoe person. I don’t like going barefoot and I don’t like just walking around in socks. Two, I am short so my pant legs either drag on the ground or I have to roll them up like a nerd waiting for a flood. Needless to say, it annoys me.

Anyway, I showed up and got to the front door and, sure enough, there were piles of shoes in the entry way. Dang it! Why invite hordes or people over and then make them take their shoes off?

I looked around. Hey, not everyone had their shoes off!

I didn’t remove mine. Because I am a rebel.

What do you think? Is the practice of asking your guests to take their shoes off OK or do you find it annoying too?

I didn’t order the combo

person riding a bicycle during rainy day

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Ever get something you don’t want?

Living in the upper left corner of the US means we get a lot of a combo I don’t like.

I don’t mind rain.

I actually kinda like wind.

I DO NOT like them together.

When rain falls, it should fall straight down. Then it is easily avoided (for the most part) by making sure you are under something.

When it is windy AND raining at the same time, well that presents a problem. No longer can you get under something to avoid getting wet. Instead, the wind causes the rain to go sideways and even sometimes lifts rain that has already fallen on the ground right back off of it! That is just plain ridiculous.

Anyway, the upper left corner could use less of the sideways rain and more of the straight down rain.

What weather combo do you not like?

TMI?

asparagus bunch bundle close up

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Are you all ready for this?

It perhaps falls into the TMI category…

What is the deal with the biology or science or chemistry or whatever behind this?

Consume asparagus = Get stinky pee.

Why?

And I am not talking like hours later. I am talking like within 30 minutes. So weird.

Why?

I suppose I could Google it, since it is the knower of all things. But I wanna know your explanation. Make something up! Tell me the truth. Just give me an answer because, like the old commercial used to say, “Inquiring minds want to know.”

Why?

bathroom interior interior design restroom

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Hail (to) the garbageman

scrap metal trash litter scrapyard

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If you are a home owner, you have probably done this at least once. My guess is probably more than once. What is it, you ask?

It looks a little like this…

You’re laying in bad dead asleep. Blissfully not a care in the world when you are awakened by a familiar noise. You listen for a second and then realize that familiar noise is the garbage truck up the street. IT. IS. GARBAGE.DAY. and you forgot to put out the can(s)!

So, you bolt from bed, desperately trying to clothe yourself (or maybe not, if you’re that kind of person) and put on some sort of foot covering as you awkwardly and progressively work your way through the house to the cans that need to be taken to the street.

Now, if you are quick, hopefully you made it to the street before the truck comes rambling up to scoop up your cans as you stand there in the driveway or next to the road, disheveled like you just randomly dressed in clothes you found in the dumpster behind the thrift store. But if you are not…well, my friend, you are just SOL.

Maybe, just maybe, you get lucky and make eye contact with the garbage collection officer and he acknowledges you and comes back to empty your can. That is a glorious day and the victory feels like you should just stop there for the day and not risk further misfortune.

But if you are not that lucky, you get the walk of shame with a full can and another week of stinky garbage. You might as well crawl in the can and wait. There is no coming back from this defeat.

So, don’t be that guy. Get the garbage out and hail to the garbageman.