Entertainment | Piss and Moan

Unnecessary apology #5

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Kinda late with this one today, but I was busy…

Once again I am here to humbly ask your forgiveness. Once again I am sure I have offended and disappointed someone out there, so let me issue this unnecessary apology just so I can cover all my bases in all instances from now until the end of time.

I bathed. Yes, I took a bath. It was a full bath tub and I actually enjoyed it.

Sorry if that makes you mad. Sorry if that makes me “less manly” or “more feminine.”

I didn’t take it to get clean. I took it to relax. I took it because it was time to be alone and in the quiet. Call it “self-care,” whatever the heck that is.

But, here’s the thing, and I am sure there is the part that will really rile some environmentalist or climate change activest’s feathers…

…the bath tub was FULL! And, it was full with HOT water!

Like, I put as much hot water in there as possible without making it spill over the edge as I lowered my body in.

What a waste, right? Too much water and too much energy was used. I am such a bad, horrible, irresponsible person.

I am sure there are poor thirsty people somewhere in the world where I could have sent all that water. Probably some farm or garden or some dried up lake/stream that supports a lower life form that could have used that water.

What’s that you say? Oh, sorry, I had my head underwater. I couldn’t hear your protests…

Not sorry, sorry.

Unnecessary apology #4

Posted on 4 Days Ago by backuphill

It was the 80s. What can I say? We all did things back then that we probably look back and cringe with disdain. 1986 was the transistion year between middle school and high school. It was awkward. Despite being fitting for the time, I look back at my former self and realize now that if I judge myself through the current “progressive” lens (even though I am not) that I really should be ashamed of myself. So, today’s unnecessary apology goes out to…

Egyptians.

Yes, Egyptians.

Why? Well, if you knew then what you know now, then today that the little dance you did in your bedroom or lockeroom or living room or bar would be prohibited. Why? Because of some kind of appropriation. I am not sure if it would be cultural or national or something else, but it is just so regretable now.

I am guilty. I am guilty of walking like an Egyptian.

Therefore, though I am not sure I really need to, I want to apologize to all the Egyptians (past, present, and into perpetuity) for doing this silly act.

I was young. I was impressionable.

I blame it on the Bangles. Their “Walk like an Egyptian” song is totally at fault. It was just such a catchy little tune. And, hey, if my silly and awkward movements might have caught Susanna Hoff’s attention somehow, well, that would have been just awesome.

So, yeah, sorry about that, Egyptians.

Just try not to get your groove (and appropriation) on when listening…

Unnecessary apology #3

Posted on 5 Days Ago by backuphill

You don’t have to admit it, but I know you have done this one too, especially if you have your own children. I’ll admit it for you. Today’s apology goes out to all primates because it’s probably not fair or cool or proper or appropriate or politically correct of us humans to imitate your eating of a banana (or at least what we think you might look like when eating a banana).

It all started that one day, way back when my daughter was just a wee one and she was finally able to eat semi-solid food. Of course, one of the softer foods to serve a wee one is a banana.

So, as she was strapped into the high chair and I was doing the thing from Unnecessary apology #2, I was prepping for my primate impersonation….

…Assume the posture, make primate noises and sounds, imitate primate mobility, make primate faces, consume banana in the primate way…

All for the entertainment of a wee one. Smiles, giggles, and claps ensue from the wee one.

Goal achieved.

Except, now thinking back, it was wholey inappropriate of me to assume that I could or should take on primate charateristics. How rude and insensitive of me. I am sure they (the primates) would be offended had they seen me.

Apology served.

Unnecessary apology #2

Posted on 6 Days Ago by backuphill

I don’t know if there is a term for this, but I probably have to apologize to someone, somewhere for it. Maybe the apology is owed to the young for being patronizing or maybe it is to the older folks for stooping so low as to “not act my age.”

So, today, I apologize to whomever needs to hear it – young or old.

I am sorry for talking like a baby (or very small child) to a baby.

Again, I have to admit it, but it comes as a rather natural reaction to revert back to this way of communication when someone small is involved. I just can’t help myself. The “goo-goo, ga-ga’s” just kind of fall out of my head. Is baby talk natural? It must be because we all tend to do it…and I don’t even really like babies all that much.

I find that I hate myself a little more after having regressed back to infantile language skills, but for whatever reason it seems to work in my meager attempt at communication to elicit a smile from the newly present humans.

So, please, small human, accept this unnecessary apology.

Unnecessary apology #1

Posted on 7 Days Ago by backuphill

I’m sorry. I did it inadvertently. It was just a knee-jerk reaction.

During this month of honoring women, I want to apologize to all women.

I have been or am guilty of gender appropriation.

You see, when I have climbed under the house to access a dark, dank, and mildy creepy crawl space I have at times “screamed like a woman.”

I know, I know. I am not proud of it.

I shouldn’t do it because I am a man and things like this shouldn’t faze me.

To be honest, spiders don’t really freak me out. BUT, in the context of being in a dark, confined space and feeling the creepy crawlies on the back of your neck or by your ear, well, that is just going to get a reaction most guys aren’t proud of.

Please, accept by sincerest apologies for oppressing you by appropriating your screams.

I’ll do better.

**There will be more posts in a new series I am going to call, Unnecessary Apology. Keep an eye out for them and let me know if you agree or not.**

CD situation

Posted on 10 Days Ago by backuphill

CD. Compact Disc.

Do you remember those things called CDs? Remember when that was the next best technology and you were buying hundreds of those things? Remember when storage of those things became an issue?

Recently I was reminded of all those things…because I was cleaning out the entertainment cabinet and I had to remove FIVE folders that are capable of holding 100 discs at a time. All but one is full and the last one is 3/4s full.

Those folders hold all the discs I ever bought, plus the CD case art (from and back). Once upon a time it was difficult to store all those cases and moving them to the folders seemed like a great idea. Plus, those CD jewel cases were brittle as heck too, as soon as you dropped one it was inevitably broken and didn’t work correctly.

Well, now what the heck am I supposed too do with all those CDs?

Disc drives on computers are getting harder and hard to come by. Shoot, even cars don’t even really come with CD players any more. Converting them to digital takes time and storage (though I had already gone through every disc I had at one point and pulled all the songs off the discs I really wanted). So, now I am stuck…do I just trash them or do I donate them? Do I try to sell them?

UGH

There is a ton of money locked up in those and throwing them away seems like a waste since I purchased all the music, even if I don’t listen to it (well, all of it). Do you know what I mean? If I were to get rid of them, it feels like something would be lost but at the same time nothing would be.

What would you do?

Phone books

Posted on February 13 by backuphill

Photo by Maarten van den Heuvel on Pexels.com

Truly an amazing piece of publishing…it’s unfathomable how these things are still being dropped off at our doorsteps, isn’t it?

So, the end of last week brought a dude up the driveway to the front door of the house (this is unusual in and of itself since most years it never makes it past the garage door) and he dropped off a double wrapped (in plastic bags) phone book. A completely useless block of paper. Wait, ok, maybe not completely useless – maybe it could be used to start fires or a booster seat for a toddler, or doorstop or a block under a table leg or something…

At my house, it literally gets unwrapped and dropped straight into the recycle bin.

Anyway, it amazes me that these things are even produced any longer.

Imaging being a phone book ad salesperson. What kind of conversation do they have to have to be successful? “Look, I realize no one is going to open this thing and look at your ad, but if you could just spend a small piece of your advertising budget on this pointless square on page X that would be great and I can then try to feed my family.”

Do these things still get produced just for the “older people” because they can’t handle technology? Someone in my family suggested this when I mentioned we got the phone book brick. Maybe that is truly the case. It only takes seconds to find any of the information in the book when you use the internet and do a search. Perhaps that is just too much for an old person to handle.

Anyone else still get a phone book delived to them every year? Anyone actually use it?

Weather balloon

Posted on February 3 by backuphill

I don’t want to BLOW this out of proportion, but the story keeps EXPANDING. I think there are plenty of places to POKE HOLES in this story.

The Chinese, snickering to themselves, say it is a weather balloon and there is nothing to worry about.

Uh huh, sure it is. I don’t want to BURST their…balloon, but I am pretty sure no one is buying it.

What do you think? Does their story HOLD AIR?

Sucky search

Posted on January 18 by backuphill

Photo by Oleksandr Pidvalnyi on Pexels.com

Not helpful. Not helpful at all.

Why is that when I click on the “Search” tab on the Reader page that 90% of the stuff that comes up is related to one of the dumbest sports on the planet – basketball? Why is it that I get a lot of results to basketball, hockey, soccer (football), and other things I have never, EVER, searched for? I don’t click on them either so why do the results continue to return things I am not interested in?

Anyone else notice this?

How are the search results determined? They certainly aren’t related to any tags or categories I use in my own blog, so where or how does it work?

I have tried searching for things I am interested on to change the results and it hasn’t helped at all.

So, I get a sucky search. Completely useless for finding new blogs I might be interested in.

Way to go WordPress. So helpful.

Two times

Posted on January 11 by backuphill

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

What do you look forward to during the day? For me, there are two times during the day that I look forward to the most. Obviously, there are other times I look forward to – the end of the work day, meals, sitting on the couch to watch a show or play a video game…but there are TWO that stand out the most for me. Those two times are climbing into bed, pulling the covers over me, and when I first climb into a hot shower.

I suppose looking forward to climbing into a hot shower can be any time of the day, but for me it is usually in the morning. I start (for the most part) the day with a shower. Most days its early. That part is the downside of getting into the shower, but the feeling of the hot water running over my body and the tingle/sting on my skin is the best. It really makes me want to stay in the shower all day! Alas, I can’t. So, I savor the moment for a little while and then move along.

The second time of day to look forward is climbing back into bed. The feeling of the mattress against my back and then using the arm to sweep the covers back over my body to envelope me in warmth (once the coolness dissapates). Snuggling down into the bed and “burrito-ing” is the best! You can just feel the day just go away at that point. All is calm, all is forgotten.

What are your two times? What parts of your day do you look forward to?