Health | Piss and Moan

reSOLUTION time

Posted on January 5, 2023 by backuphill

In this new year of 2023, I hereby resolve to be liked by less people.

My resolution is a solution to some of the issues I have going on in my life. I am almost sure of it.

If I am liked less by people, then they will not want to spend time with me and will not want to be around me and will cause less drama and trouble in my life.

I am not here to please everyone. I am not here to be liked by everyone. I am not here to seek everyone’s approval.

I could use a cleansing of my circle. It doesn’t need to be this big.

I mean, there are people in my circle that I just can’t get along with. They rub me wrong with virtually everything they do. They irritate me to no end with every decision or indecision. They burn me when I am helping and they burn me when I am not helping.

Who needs this kinda crap?

Now, how do I tell some members of my family about my solution?

Guess it’s time to get out the big “I don’t care” stick.

Dreaded place

Posted on December 20, 2022 by backuphill

Tomorrow I start vacation until after the first of the new year. Only, in will feel very little like a vacation since my duties will be trying to keep the house from being destroyed and small children in line.

There will be screaming from them and their parent – during the whole day, and sometimes even at night.

There will be endless cleaning up after people.

There will be a constant watchful eye on everything that is done because one is never sure if it will lead to disaster.

Truthfully, home is a dreaded place.

I know I could cancel my vacation days and just work and take them at another time next year, but I have told too many people what is coming and now not taking them will cause problems.

So, for the two weeks I will look for opportunities to hide, in the house and by leaving the house.

Self-inflicted

Posted on December 19, 2022 by backuphill

Anyone else find it really hard to find sympathy within yourself when you watch people cause their own self-inflicted pain? Maybe I am cold-hearted. Maybe I am callous. Maybe I am jaded. Call it whatever you want.

I just find it really hard to watch someone make bad decisions, sometimes directly against/counter to advice they were given, and then suffer the consequeces of the bad decisions. It’s as though they would purposely chop off their own arm just so they can prove they didn’t listen to a word you said.

I just can’t find anywhere inside of myself any sympathy where someone continually subjects themselves (and typically others) to the consequenes of their ignorance/stupidity/willful disregard for wise counsel. It’s as though they would purposely chop off their own arm just so they can prove they didn’t listen to a word you said.

Anyone else have a similar problem?

Should I feel bad about not feeling bad?

Just can’t do it.

Don’t parent

Posted on December 16, 2022 by backuphill

There is SO MUCH that could be unloaded here as background. If you have been following this blog for a while (or have gone back and read the archive) then you know there is a family member and his children living here at the house now. Tragedy (he is a single dad now), poor choices, crappy circumstances…yeah, the situation for this person and the family is not ideal, to say the least.

However, they are here in the my home (not living in a trailer in the yard like last time). MY home. While this place may have been his home at one time, it isn’t his and it certainly hasn’t been his kids’. For all intents and purposes, they are guests here while he/they (hopefully sooner than later) get back on their feet.

But, there is constantly tension. Aside from some state food assistance, the adult staying here temporarily provides no sort of help. I am supporting eight people. My spouse is ill and physically incapable of doing much of the daily chores inside the home. She is definitely incapable of providing childcare beyond anything longer than about an hour. She wants to be helpful but frankly just isn’t able to the level she would like. So, much over EVERYTHING is left to me.

They (my spouse and her son) were having a discussion yesterday because she noticed he was frustrated (seemingly all the time). He doesn’t want to be here and feels stuck. (Frankly, we don’t really want him to be here but also feel stuck because of the situation.) He has been here for over a month now and we, obviously, have observed and heard a lot.

He doesn’t appear to want to get a full time job because he wants to get is handyman business off the ground (not a great time to get that started!). He doesn’t have a discipline strategy (constant yelling/screaming at them and repeating himself umpteen times) that works for his kids. He doesn’t have any place for the kids to go to daycare so he can work or at least work on finding work. Honestly, his life is the definition of insanity because he is repeating the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

In the discussion with my spouse yesterday he said part of the tension in the house is because he doesn’t want us parenting his children (our grandchildren). She tried to get clarification about what that meant to him but he couldn’t really explain what that meant. We are pretty sure he is talking about discipline but he wouldn’t actually say that. We have a different philosophy than he has. But honestly, his philosophy doesn’t work and it plays out every day in our home. We are trying to respect his wishes but he got mad at his mom the other day for suggesting that maybe it was time to spank one of the children. Mind you, this was AFTER he had screamed at the child all morning for blantant disobedience, attitude, disrespect, etc. The yelling is of no consequence to these children because they have heard it all the time and still hear it all the time.

“Don’t parent my children.”

So, what are we to do? They don’t obey, respect, listen, follow directions, behave, etc., when we talke to them.

But, he accepts the parenting of his children when we provide daycare, prepare and feed them meals, bathe them, helpe them with their homework, get dressed in the morning or for bed, get up with them in the middle of the night, change diapers, make bottles, help get their teeth brushed, do all their laudry, make their beds,…you can see how this is going, right?

Where exactly would you like us to “stop parenting”?

Sorry, if you are going to live under our roof for free and use all our stuff, there is gonna be some damn discipline. You don’t get to have exceptions. I don’t care if you’re the adult parent of the kids.

There has to be a better way.

The chaos is terrible. It’s like constantly living in a tornado. The “eye of the storm”? That currently doesn’t exist in this universe.

I actually don’t even look forward to returning home after leaving. I don’t want to be in my own home. The only reason I do is for fear that my spouse is the one having to do everything. I am afraid it might actually be making her worse.

Don’t parent.

We are having to parent our adult child while parenting our grandkids at the same time. It friggin’ sucks…and there is honestly no end in sight…

Don’t parent.

Like hell, I ain’t stopping. There will be peace in my home again. If it causes him and the family to move out, so be it. That’s his choice. There will be peace, one way or another.

Meeting fatigue

Posted on December 8, 2022 by backuphill

This week isn’t all that different from any other week, as far as work goes. I realize meetings are part of my job, but I didn’t realize that going to meetings IS my job. At least it feels that way many days.

I was looking back at my work calendar for this week and I added up the time scheduled for me to attend one sort of meeting or another. Altogether, I will have spent 8.5 hours of my 40 hour work week in a meeting. Granted, the week isn’t over so more could be added (or some, please please please, removed).

Do my supervisors understand that attending meetings keep from doing my ACTUAL job? You know, the areas and tasks and functions where I have expertise? That for every hour of time scheduled for attending a meeting that it probably (I’m estimating here) sets me back about two hours of productive time (provided I actually feel like being productive…see recent posts…I am doing effort less…)?

Do other jobs require this much time in meetings? I mean, jobs that aren’t a supervisory type job. We all know supervisors spend lots of time in meetings because they don’t actually have a job or job functions. But that is neither here nor there.

My point is, how much time do you spend in meetings each week? Is this normal, to spend the equivalent of an entire work day in meetings each week?

Effort less

Posted on December 7, 2022 by backuphill

I’ll preface the entire post with what I don’t want you to think. No, I haven’t misspelled the title. No, I don’t mean “effortless.” That meaning basically means that while doing something it takes little to no effort to complete said something. That’s not what I am referring to.

I am simply stating that I am going to give less effort.

I am going to effort less.

Think of it as not trying hard or giving fewer f*cks.

Think of it as minimal exertion.

I will do everything effort less from here on out.

At least for the foreseeable future, anyway.

Least productive

Posted on December 2, 2022 by backuphill

What day of the week do you find you are the least productive at work?

I am finding that my least productive day is not one that I would expect. After a crazy busy week (most weeks) and I finally get a day to be productive that happens to fall on a Friday…yeah, that’s my least productive day.

Not because I am thinking of the weekend plans or trying to give myself that stupid buzz-word, “self-care.” I am just out of motivation.

By the end of the week, I could care less if I get anything done.

I am sure my employer would hate to hear that. I actually don’t like to hear it because I really have a ton to do (catch up on email, start projects, complete unfinished projects, etc). But, I just can’t get myself to do any of it. I look at what I have to do, my list of things to do, and all the other stuff sitting on my desk and I just can’t.

Is this normal? To just run out of productive steam at the end of the week?

Falling back fail

Posted on November 4, 2022 by backuphill

So, looks like the House of Representatives are going to yet again fail to represent…not sure how there can be much debate about NOT changing the time back an hour. Really? The Senate unanimously agreed (something they NEVER do) to this Sunshine Protection Act and sent the bill to the House. Why have they failed to get this done?

Hey, Congress! Make this Daylight Savings thing permanent! Get your acts together and do it!

Honestly, there really is nothing to debate here. Most experts and the general public agree that DST is the best way and should stay. How can there still be an argument against this change?

A “do nothing Congress”? Typical.

Do something for once that benefits more than one political party – the one in charge at the moment – and start representing!

American demand it.

Single issue

Posted on November 2, 2022 by backuphill

While watching a couple hours of TV last night I was struck by the type and tenor of the commercials. In about two hours of watching Hulu I saw roughly 13 commercials and 8 of them were political ads. Those political ads were all from Democrats running for office (incumbents and challengers) in the upcoming vote. All 8 ads mentioned a single issue – the “right” to kill babies.

Democrats are so scared of losing this election that they are focused singularly on one issue that is an emotional hot button topic, but really irrelevant to most voters right now. Its like their platform has a single, tired plank.

Other issues in this election? NOPE. Gonna focus on the need to kill babies all the time, any time, because that’s what the people need right now. Not national or local security. Not illegal immigration. Not the explosion of drugs. Not the poor education of our kids. Not the high prices of everything that makes having a budget difficult. Not the homeless. Not the infrastructure. Not the high cost of health care. Not corruption in and of the government. Just killing babies.

Anyone else find this interesting?

Total turmoil

Posted on October 28, 2022 by backuphill

If you have noticed that it’s been a little quiet around here…thanks for noticing. If you haven’t noticed, that’s fine too.

Baseball analogy time: Life around here has been in total turmoil as life seems to throw only curveballs, all the time, and I can’t hit them. It would be nice to have a fastball or a changeup, but instead it has just been a steady diet of curveballs.

Trying to keep up with the changes over the last year has been draining to say the least. The last month, month and a half, has been a blur.

I don’t mean to sound selfish, but I don’t wany any of it. I don’t mean to sound heartless or uncaring, but I am losing my ability to care.

I am tired of the constant family trials, difficulties, challenges.

Once again, life has gotten extremely uncomfortable. If you have been around here long, you are probably familiar with some of the things/people I have referred to in the past. Once again, the past issues are now current issues again.

It’s just…turmoil.