charity | Piss and Moan

Help those

Is the old saying, “Help those who can’t help themselves.” I have Googled it and several different versions or iterations come up for it.

I am tired.

Tired of helping those who nearly refuse to listen to reason and help themselves.

Once again, helping someone who has struggled all of their adult life, has a family, and continues to dream “pie in the sky” dreams even though the family would be homeless if not for the help of others.

“Get a full time job.” Good advice. Doesn’t matter what at this point and it really doesn’t matter how much it pays as long as it is brining in money that can be saved for the future and put to good use when the time comes. Instead, it is ignored for the idea that “starting my own business” is the better way to go – regardless of the fact that it has been pointed out time and time again that this goal should be a side gig until it can provide for the family on a full time basis. It has no benefits to start with. It has no healthcare. It is piecemeal at best for an income.

“Go visit Community Action to get some local ai started.” There is time in the day. Sure, the three youngest kids will have to be in tow to do it but it’s getting something started.

“Go visit DSHS. Get that process started.” Excuses about why it’s not possible at the moment.

This family has been living on state aid for years. This family has basically survived the last 7 months on pure charity from others, something to the tune (if roughly added together) would amount to probably about $40,000.

I am tired.

I am tired of helping someone that can’t or won’t help themselves.

Ingratitude

Posted on May 1, 2020 by backuphill

Photo by Brenda Timmermans on Pexels.com

Rampant.

What do you do when you feel as though your kindness and generosity are being taken advantage of? What do you do when there is a lack of gratitude from someone who should be extremely appreciative of the way you have bent over backwards for them?

I think most of us don’t do things for others because we want to be celebrated. I don’t think we do things for others because we are looking for publicity or because we want accolades. We do things for others because we see a need and want to meet it. For some of us, it’s in our nature. For others, well, we have to work at it on a regular basis.

But, how do you handle a situation where you stepped out of what your “normal” everyday life is like, to rearrange and disrupt your life for a while, to help someone out only to have them act in a way that shows little to no gratitude or actually appears they are taking advantage of the situation?

Yeah, strangers likely wouldn’t act this way.

Family? Family, on the other hand, usually does.

I found out last night that appearances aren’t what they seem and there has been some talking going on behind that back of some family members about other family members. Mind you, the secretive discussions are from those who are getting help (and desperately needed it at the time) about those who are giving the help (who saw the need and stepped in to help despite major misgivings).

Seems a bit shocking, doesn’t it? It actually doesn’t really surprise me. I mean it does, and it doesn’t. That has been the trend all along. Family bends over backwards to help other family members, only to find out that it cause issues inside the family and causes the ones helping to regret they helped.

Lessons learned? You would think so, but no. That’s the problem with having a generous, helping heart.

Ingratitude. Expectation. Greed. Under-appreciation. Irresponsibility.

It’s cliche, but that phrase “Looking a gift horse in the mouth” actually does mean something.

Got away

Posted on April 28, 2020 by backuphill

man s hand in shallow focus and grayscale photography

Photo by lalesh aldarwish on Pexels.com

I’m late.

Sorry.

The day got away from me. I started working on a project for work and just lost track of time. I supposed that means I won’t Piss and Moan about anything…

Or maybe I will!

Life sucking, or money sucking, family members.

There. How do you feel about that?

There are members of families all over the world that seem to be the parasite, a leech, a blight upon the family. The neediness doesn’t stop and when some people in the family try to stop it, others of the family continue to enable it.

It might be the individual’s fault, or maybe just bad luck (or no luck at all), or maybe they are just the victim of circumstances, doesn’t really matter because they still seem to need something all the time. Want. Need. Whatever. Hand’s always out, looking for something.

“Help.” “Can you lend a hand?” “I was wondering…?” The approach may be different and sometimes it’s even a little veiled to make it look like they aren’t asking for help, but in reality they are. It’s always the same, but different.

Tiring. That’s what it is.

Takers

Posted on November 18, 2019 by backuphill

Photo by Wallace Chuck on Pexels.com

I could be wrong, but I think there are really two types of people in this world.

I believe all people fall into two categories: givers and takers.

Which are you? Which do you surround yourself with? Or, maybe better put, which do you attract?

Sometimes it takes a hard evaluation of the people around you to realize where they fall, but also where you fall. I don’t believe that you can only be one, as I believe it is possible to be both.

Ultimately, I have heard (and maybe I believe this) that we should be givers first and always. That can be translated many different ways, but a quick run down will suffice – time, money, compassion, empathy, knowledge, listening, etc.

A taker, on the other hand, is someone who takes and takes and takes and quite literally could probably suck the very last breath out of you if you let them. They are the kind of people who are in constant need of everything – money, possessions, time, attentions, etc.

Honestly I try to be both. I don’t like taking, but I don’t have a problem doing so either. I don’t like giving, but it does have a limit. As such, I try to find a balance between the two and, if I am entirely honest, I like the people in my life to have a pretty good balance the the give and take as well.

Unfortunately, I must attract a lot of takers. There are several people who I can’t seem to let go of….or, can’t get rid of…they cling. They take. They need. They ALWAYS need. Thus, they always WANT and always TAKE.

It’s exhausting. Give. Give, and give some more. I am tired. I am spent.

I don’t want to do it anymore.

When is it enough?

Posted on January 2, 2019 by backuphill

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Question of the day: When is it enough?

Let’s put some context into the question…

When is it enough charity? Gifting? Generosity? Especially, when it comes to adults who should, by now, be able to fend for themselves and stop making choices in life that keep them from being able to do it? Thus, requiring additional help (on a seemingly regular basis).

Does the answer of “enough” matter if they are a stranger? An acquaintance? A good friend? Family…children, grandchildren, parents, siblings? Sure, I understand every circumstance is different and have their own complexities, but there has to be a line, right?

Where does the line get drawn and how do you draw it? Do you just continually allow it to happen?