Tired menu

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Anyone want to be a cook with dinner responsibilities four nights a week? Are you someone that has tasty ideas, likes to cook a variety of foods, and can work within a budget?

Specifically, can you be my cook? And I say four nights a week because I am not opposed to eating leftovers the other three nights, especially if the original meal was tasty!

I am tired of coming up with ideas. I am tired of cooking up those ideas.

What I really want is restaurant quality food at home and I want someone else to produce it. I want variety. I want classics and I want something new. I want simple foods and I want fancy foods. I’m not asking for much, really.

If I could order out four nights a week, then I would. That way there is no prep, no dishes, little clean-up afterwards. I could enjoy other aspects of life while still eating great meals.

Anyone else tired of cooking and all that it entails? Anyone up for the job?

**OK, there really is no job. If I can hire someone to cook for me, I could likely also afford to eat out anyway. It’s just nice to dream…isn’t it?**

Cuts so deep

kitchen knife

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Tip of the iceberg. Tip of the finger.

One you can see, the other I am afraid to look at.

Throbbing.

Intense throbbing after a mishap with a knife. Man they’re sharp. Look at your middle finger, imagine a line about mid fingernail, and then think cut across the line…it didn’t go all the way through. Luckily the nail stopped it to some degree. (sorry if it grosses you out)

Stupid carrot sticks. Healthy eating just isn’t worth this kind of pain.

Does it need stitches? Probably. Will I get them? Probably not.

Rub some dirt in it and put on some duct tape, right? Isn’t that the cure for injuries like this?

I’m gonna stop now, It hurts to type. And BandAids don’t make for easy typing either.

Follow the instructions they said

person pointing on white textile

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Follow the instructions.

Generalizing, this is a tough thing for us males to do. We just want to jump right in and make things happen. We know what to do instinctively. Now, that generalization might be true of many men but it is not true of me. I actually like to read the instructions and user manual so I can get the most out of something I just bought.

So, we have replaced a couple appliances in the kitchen recently and two of them arrived yesterday. I was left to replace the microwave after all was said and done (the store wanted $150 for the install). I looked at the instructions and measurements. I looked at the space and did the measurements. It would fit and it would work nicely in the space the old one filled.

Commence the two hour microwave wrestling session. I drilled new holes (because of course the old ones won’t work). I mounted the new bracket. I measured twice and sometimes even three times to make sure everything was going to line up. With some help, because I am not Superman, the microwave was hefted into position. It attached to the bracket just fine, but otherwise wouldn’t fit.

At this point I was wishing I had four arms and was three people. Off the microwave came. I measured some more. No, it is should fit just like it says. I measured again. Yes, it will fit. The microwave was hefted again and set on the bracket. Still no fit (of course, because I didn’t change anything). While while holding it in place I was formulating a plan – the plan was coming together…SHOVE until it fits. This is gonna work.

So, shove I did. No budge. Shove some more. Still no budge. Rest. Shove again, harder. No budge. Shove some more. Still no budge. Let’s try greasing the edge a little to help it along. (yes, I greased an appliance. You read that correctly.) Grease, in the form of Crisco, applied. Shove again. It moved right into place. Excellent. Now to finish the mount by attaching the screws on the top.

The holes don’t line up.

Damn, Koreans. This thing was probably built by North Korea or something…

Pull it back down. Re-drill the holes. I am just gonna guess this time since the template obviously was NO HELP the first time. Shove the microwave into place. The screws match perfectly. Microwave mounted.

The lesson: skip the instructions and template. Just eyeball it and give it a shot.

I guess I should just go with my maleness.

 

Better than sliced bread

bread knife cut slice of bread

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You know what is better than sliced bread? Bread you bake at home and have to slice yourself.

What is with the crap you buy in the store? What did they do in the process to make it taste like…nothing. It is virtually flavorless, it is light and fluffy, and it barely makes a proper piece of toast.

If you have had home-baked, fresh bread, you know what I am talking about! Sure, I may have to slice it myself and those slices may not come out all uniform or nor but it sure tastes better.

So what gives? They had to ruin bread just so they could mass produce it and slice it? Why can’t they make it taste like the stuff you would make at home?