The dreaded ALL company meeting

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You know what really sucks? Those all company meeting!

“Hey, even though we’ve worked together for years, let’s do an ice breaker.”

“Thanks for being here today. I am going to show you a PowerPoint about company/organization policies. This is our annual reminder and the same PowerPoint you have seen the last six years, but we’re gonna do it again anyway.”

“So, wasn’t that great? Thanks for being patient with that as we covered exactly the same things we covered last year, and the year before that, and the year before that.”

“Moving on, we really need you people to buy into what we’re doing here at our organization, so let’s sit around and brainstorm ideas for goals. Let’s write those goals on these giant post-it notes on the walls. Then let’s go around and place these colored dots next to the ones we thing are most relevant. Then we’re gonna rank the ones that are most relevant.”

“Now we’re gonna take those goals we came up with and in your teams please write some S.M.A.R.T. goals that your team can work on over the next year.”

“Finally, we are gonna post these goals in some really obvious spot where we can all see them and remind ourselves about why we do what we do and what we’re working towards.”

Then we all leave the room, looking at each other like we all just went through a painful root canal. We find the posted goals on the wall the next week and promptly forget they are there and ignore them for the rest of the year.

The life cycle of the dreaded ALL company meeting.

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I wonder if it really makes a difference

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On any given work day, I have nearly two hours of commute (round trip) time. Yeah, I can feel your groans. I do it too. To be honest, the commute is the worst part of my job and if I could not do it and make the same income I would change in a heartbeat. But, it is what it is.

So, I have been using the Waze app to see if it can help alleviate the commute time a little. Supposedly it is “real time” traffic routing based on user reports. It is owned by Google, so all it does it take the traffic reports and move it to a different app instead of the regular Google Maps app. Anyway, I am not sure it is helping.

Why is it not helping? Or at least, why do I not think it is helping? Well, it takes me just as long to get home when I use it and when I don’t use it. By time it routes be down some obscure neighborhood road, or through every traffic light in town, it has taken me roughly the same amount of time to get to the exact same choke point at just going the most direct route, via the highway where all the other cars are sitting in traffic. Maybe it is just the nature of the necessary route to get home (there are literally only two ways to get home via two choke points). But, one would think that you could at least get to the choke point a little faster using the app. Not so.

Anyone else have a similar experience?

#trafficiskillingme #smh

That zit, I’ve had it!

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Stock photo from some random Google search.

Of course, I wake up and there is a freaking beacon of red, flashing on my forehead this morning. Of course. Where the hell did that come from?

Zit. Pimple. Blemish. Skin eruption.

Is it me, or do guys/men have a distinct disadvantage when dealing with this kind of stuff? I mean, if something of this sort happens to a woman (ok, I am generalizing here), they have products to deal with it, AND at the very least something to cover it up. Guys, we don’t have those kinds of products…or at least a vast majority of men don’t. So, now what?

To add to this already relatively unattractive mug, I now have something to stare at as I present in front of a group or talk to clients. Great. Just great. As if I didn’t already have a reason to feel self-conscious.

Traffic sucks because you’re stupid

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You know, if you are stuck in a traffic jam because of an earlier accident, maybe you should not tailgate people and pay attention to what is going on around you so you don’t smash the bumper in front of you and cause other people to slow down to see what is going on…just a hint. STOP IT!

I’ll be damned if you people can’t keep from bashing into each other! Holy crap, people, stop screwing up traffic! You morons drive the same route every day and you know what traffic is gonna be like so stop doing stuff that is going to mess it up for everyone.

Stop reading the newspaper. Stop looking at your phone. Stop sending texts. Stop making phone calls. Stop eating. Stop drinking. Stop doing your nails. Stop putting on your makeup. Stop picking your nose. Stop doing your hair. Stop playing with the radio. Stop yelling at your kids. Stop smoking. Stop stop stop.

We spend enough time sitting in our cars, we don’t need you making it worse on a daily basis.

 

Lunchroom litter

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Why does there need to be 90 (ok, exaggeration) old magazines in the lunchroom? Why do they need to be spread out on the table like a bad potluck of 12 different kinds of spaghetti? This isn’t a dumping ground for your magazines and flyers.

Why doesn’t someone get rid of these things and just move on? Better yet, if I just tossed them would anyone mind?

#smh

Why does vacation go so fast?

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I think we all ask this question at one point. Actually, we all asked it as kids each year when school was about to start again and we just weren’t done with summer.

Well, now well into the “adulting years”, I have to ask that question at the end of each vacation, no matter whatever it was that I was doing. Obviously in most cases, I was enjoying myself and don’t want it to end.

Adulting sucks. Going back to work after vacation sucks. Actually, having a job sucks…

#happymondayaftervacation

The Office Coffee Maker

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The office coffee maker is kind of an important place in the office. You might even call it a “sacred” place. It is what keeps most of us functional, but it also something that keeps some of us from murdering our co-workers, or other unfortunate nearby folk. So, when etiquette isn’t followed it makes a few of us wanna “go postal” (no offense to postal employees, it was a thing in the 80s and 90s).

Anyway, we are responsible for providing our own coffee pods, since the machine is a single serve Keurig. Not a problem. I can do that. Besides, then I can get different kinds and blends, etc.

HOWEVER, what does appear to be a problem is keeping the machine full of water! Common courtesy says, “If I use the last bit of water in the reservoir, I should fill it back up,” or “The refill pitcher is low (or empty), I should fill that up for the next person.” Yeah, well, I guess I have some discourteous co-workers. Without fail, I seem to be the only person who keeps the machine and refill pitcher full of water.

I think I won’t have coffee one day just to spite them all and then I won’t fill the water anywhere. Wait…I am gonna have to weigh whether or not this is worth going to jail over…

#WTH #SMH

If you could read the directions

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Meme via Winkgo

The directions are right there! READ them. Follow them. Stop asking questions!

It’s Friday the 13th and apparently basic functions of the human brain have stopped working as we are inundated with people who don’t/won’t read the directions.

Don’t have a great day…

Conflicting co-worker help

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Helpful co-workers?

Maybe not so much.

Having been the “new guy” for the last two years so I am still getting co-workers (who have been here a lot longer than me) giving me “advice” about how to do this and that. The problem is that the “advice” isn’t necessarily the same “advice” that was given by other co-workers. Now, I have had “advice” from multiple people about the same thing from different points of view and for varying ways to do the same thing. Only, the advice is THEIR way to do it and not actually what the SOP (Standard Operating¬† Procedure) says about how to do it.

So, I am just gonna do it my way because they all got it wrong and the SOP is mind-numbingly stupid because no one has rewritten it in years.

#SMH