schedules | Piss and Moan

Thanksgiving plans

Posted on November 9, 2021 by backuphill

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko on Pexels.com

Why are holidays so freaking hard to make plans for?

Multiple families, adult children, preferences, and schedules are so damn hard to make any definitive plans for. It is an irritating task every year, punctuated with the fact that trying to accommodate everyone is a real pain.

Why can’t it be more simple?

My parents & sibs, her parents and sibs, our children, their children…its chaos on the day but chaos and headaches leading up to it as well.

I think we’ve hear just about every excuse why something won’t work for somebody. Never can everyone ever cooperate with trying to make the plans or participate.

“I don’t like big groups.”

“We don’t know them that well and would be uncomfortable.”

“There is too much planning involved.”

“That isn’t our tradition.”

“We have to try to make it work for everyone so no one is left out.”

“I don’t want to do it that early.”

“There won’t be anything I can eat because of my diet.”

UGH!

It can’t just be, “We are doing lunch/dinner at XX:XX and if you would like to participate let us know. Here is what we are providing and here is what we still need: _________.”

No, that would be too easy.

It isn’t just this holiday either…Christmas, Easter, 4th of July…ugh.

Tiring. Irritating.

There is something to be said for being alone…just saying…

X factor

Posted on December 5, 2019 by backuphill

Photo by Ricardo Esquivel on Pexels.com

When you are divorced and have had a child (or children), there is always the “X factor” to consider.

It’s sad to say, but as fathers we very typically get the shaft when it comes to co-parenting the children after a divorce. There is honestly no logical reasoning behind this precedent other than the mother is nearly always seen as “the fittest parent” in these situations, regardless of the circumstances. Even when you can demonstrate, with evidence, that as a father you would be a better choice for the child’s custodial parent it is a costly uphill battle that has no guaranteed outcome.

As I was preparing the visitation calendar for 2020 for my teen daughter, it just brought back all the times where I have had to consider the X factor over the last 14 years. We divorced when she was under two so I have had a lot of considering to do, and still have a little while longer to deal with it. It has been a challenge over the years.

How will the X respond to this? What will the X do now? Is there a way to get the X to be reasonable? How crazy is my X, really? I can’t believe the X responded the way she did. Why does the X have to make everything about herself? Why does the X always make this more challenging than it needs to be? How is the X gonna take this? How can I do this so it doesn’t piss the X off? Now what does the X want?

If you are a divorced father with children, you likely know all too well what I mean. Or, maybe you are even a mother with a crazy X, you know too. Really this post isn’t so much about fathers (though that is my experience) but about the fact that while raising children as divorced parents you are always having to consider the X factor. Everything you do seems to revolve around the other person even though you aren’t with that person every day.

I am thankful that it has gotten a little better since my daughter is now older and can transport herself, but as I was still working on a visitation calendar (which really hasn’t been followed since my daughter is old enough to have a job now) that I still have to consider the X factor when it comes to my daughter. Just a couple more years that I am REQUIRED to consider the X…then it will only have to be during major life events for my daughter. That will be a whole new chapter of X factor to deal with.

Can anyone else relate to this?