Is this what Hell looks like?

apartment chair clean contemporary

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I think I was being punished yesterday.

Why, you ask?

I attempted what no rational adult should attempt.

I went shopping at IKEA with kids. OK, there, I said it. I have known it for a while but I am irrational.

It is a HUGE mistake to take your kids shopping with you at IKEA. They whine. They complain. They constantly have to be taken to the bathroom. They touch things. They run around. All while you are slowly losing your mind and repeating yourself incessantly. Yes, they do have a “play area” for kids. BUT, get this…apparently there are so many rules that few kids even qualify. And if they do, they can only stay there for an hour. Yeah, you read that right, AN HOUR!! It take like three hours just to walk through the store, let alone try and shop.

No rational conversations can be had. No decisions can be made.

All you wanna do when you’re done at the place is smash your head against something hard until you pass out. Yes, that must be what Hell will be like…eternally shopping with your kids.

Here’s an IDEA…IKEA should be a kid free zone.

Don’t make me carve another

boy and girl playing with pumpkins

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Yeah, it’s THAT time of year again. I already mentioned one of the terrible things we have to enjoy during this season, but there is another similarly related item.

Pumpkin carving. Ugh…

I am sure I enjoyed it to some degree when I was a kid, and yes there is a degree of “tradition” involved. The whole trip tot he patch and walking in the mud and getting hot cider, etc. I get it.

But these days, I could care less. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to help the kids do it. I don’t want to help the grandkids do it. I don’t want to do it. You can’t make me do it.

There I said it.

Yes, I am heartless. The Grinch is my spirit animal. Always.

 

It’s just too much

jack o lantern

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Can we just stop already? This has just gotten totally outta hand!

Is anyone else tired of the “Pumpkin Spice” takeover of the world?

I mean really, does EVERYTHING need to have pumpkin spice in it?

See here, here, and here. Oh, and here and over there.

Enough already. Seriously. No one likes it that much. No one.

Pets, kids, and parental stupidity

girl lying on white surface petting gray rabbit

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OK, parents, why do we do it?

Do we do it just for the moment of joy we see on our kids’ faces, or are we just secretly gluttons for punishment?

You know we all have gone through the debate with ourselves while at the pet store, or at a neighbor’s/friend’s house, or a relative’s house…the debate is always the same. Ami I right?

I don’t really want to get this animal because I am gonna end up taking care of it. But it would make my child so happy and I do want them to be happy. But, I am gonna be the one feeding it, walking it, cleaning up after it, paying for it, etc., etc., etc.,…Oh, look at her/him smile! This would make me such an awesome parent (maybe even their favorite???). I should totally do this. NO, WAIT, what I am saying, I don’t want more animal puke, animal drool, animal poop and pee, animal whatever whatever whatever. Dang, it is kinda cute. Couch snuggles would be nice. UGH, I am stupid because I know that joy on the face will only last for two days and then it will be battles trying to get him/her to take care of it. I don’t want it. I hate animals. But, it is awful cute. Where will be put it? Who will care for it when we are out of town? This is a really bad idea. I am just gonna say no.

OK, we’ll take it. 

Followed by screams of joy and many smiles and “Thank you, thank you, thank you”s.

And now all you can think about is, What have I just done???

Followed by dread and loathing until the animal dies or disappears.

Parents, why are we so dumb? I don’t want more pets and yet the kids still get them and we still end up taking care of them. We knew it and we still did it anyway.

We are lame.

Kids’ sports and rain

black and white hand raining

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Why does my kid have to like soccer? Why can’t it be an indoor sport?

Yes, I know, soccer can be played indoors too but the reality is that more often than not it is played outdoors, where it rains, a lot.

As a parent, and I don’t care how much you love your kids, it totally sucks to sit/stand/wait on the sidelines while it is pouring down rain. What’s worse, it is also cold (as in under 40 degrees) and the wind is blowing. Doesn’t matter if you have an umbrella or not, you’re getting wet. Period. Yeah, so cold sideways rain is just fun…never.

Find a different sport, kid, preferably one that involves warmth and is dry.

Weekend’s gone in a flash!

adult analogue break focus

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Hey, wait! Can we have a do over? I am not ready for the new work week to start yet. I have too many projects I need to work on.

Man, anyone else notice that weekend went really dang fast?

Saturday was a insulation and sheet rock project in the garage, as well as a birthday party. Sunday was a soccer game and yard work.

I.am.not.ready.

How about we take a couple more days of weekend and call it good for this week?

A bladder the size of a walnut

white ceramic male toilet

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OK, so this getting old thing is getting old.

Is it a requirement that as you get older bladder gets smaller? I swear it must be.

I used to be like a damn camel when it came to holding my…water. Now I might go to the bathroom 3 times a night (sometimes not at all) and during the day, well let’s just say I might be wearing a path in the carpet at work from my cubi-cell to the bathroom. There are times where I find myself turning into the 8 year old I used to be and doing the “bathroom dance” because I am in the middle of something and don’t want to stop yet.

Yes, I drink a lot of coffee. Why wouldn’t I? Yes, I know it is a diuretic and it will cause me to pee a lot. But seriously, one cup could cause me to take four trips to the bathroom! LOL I think the problem here is my bladder has gotten smaller. That has to be it.