Tool

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Joe Biden would like to have it both ways

“If you give a climate arsonist four more years in the White House, why would anyone be surprised if we have more of America ablaze?” Biden said during a climate change speech. “If you give a climate denier four more years in the White House, why would anyone be surprised when more of America is underwater?”

Hey, Joe, if more of America is under water then less of it can be on fire.

I am no sure if Joe is aware, but that’s how the whole fire suppression thing works. Firefighters put water on stuff (not to mention the fire) so it won’t burn.

The current president might not be the sharpest tool in the shed on certain things, but do we really want to replace him with an even duller tool? Not just another dull tool, but one that will truly be a tool to all things Socialist and Communist?

Maybe Joe should stop being a tool.

Negative

I am on the mend. The summer cold was truly that, a summer cold. I doubt many of you out there were worried. I mean, no one really cares, right?

However, my mind was eased by a negative result on the test (you know, that one that many people think they should get the moment they cough). So, I can rest assured that my parents haven’t been exposed by me and they can travel to see their parents in the near future.

And, nothing else has changed either. I am still negative all around too. So, don’t worry. You won’t see much on the positive side here on the blog.

I am thoroughly sure that there isn’t anything good happening in the world today. Perhaps the sky really is falling.

Anyway, we’ll be back to the regularly scheduled Piss & Moan here shortly.

Have a crappy weekend.

Cool sculpting

photo of an old ice cube refrigerator

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I saw a commercial last night for a weight-loss process called, cool scuplting. Apparently this is a trend that is catching on. The way I understand it is that they freeze fat cells and then when they thaw out they magically break down and vanish. At least that is what I gathered from it.

When I did a quick Google search, there are places here locally that offer this interesting (and apparently safe?) weight loss technique/process. So, I guess I could go inquire about it if I was really interested.

Is it covered by insurance? I mean, if not being overweight is more healthy then I would think this should thing should be covered by insurance.

This pandemic thing has cause me to eat. Well, actually, I always eat. It didn’t just start because of the pandemic. But, what I mean, is that it feels like I am eating all the time since I work from home. The scale says I am maintaining, but when I look in the mirror it doesn’t appear as though I am maintaining. Maybe the weight just happens to appear where the mirror can see so I feel like I am gaining weight. Again, the scale says I haven’t. But I am definitely not losing any…

Anyway, I was thinking, since I have weight I could lose, that I could maybe try this cool sculpting thing. I really don’t want to pay for it though. That’s an issue.

I do, however, have a box freezer. A big one! If all you have to do is freeze fat cells then I am set! I don’t need to visit some clinic.

I’m gonna try to clean out some stuff from the box freezer so I can lay down in there. It should only take a couple hours. I’ll freeze all that extra fat around my belly, in my face and neck area, a little on my ass….this is gonna be epic!

Once those couple hours are done, I am gonna be back to the weight was was in high school. She will hardly recognize me.

Oh, I better get started. I don’t want her to find me in the freezer.

I wanna surprise her!

Kicked

man kicking bonfire

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As in, my ass.

Work is kicking it today.

Can I just retire already? (never mind I have like 20 years to go…)

How is there so much work when school isn’t in session? (cuz of the damn Covid think…)

I gotta stop answering my own questions.

 

I am validated

left human hand

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Research shows, Piss and Moan is good for you.

Angry? Cynical? Pessimist? Grumpy? Ill-tempered?

All good for you, according to research.

Since we’re so into science these days and scientists know all, and should be trusted at all times, so you know this is quality stuff. How could they possibly be wrong? Well, honestly, they’re not. They know their stuff!

So, Bobby McFerrin, you can take your “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” and shove it! According to research, that crap is bad for your health and is more likely to kill you.

Need some help getting into the Piss and Moan mood? I have a few helpful hints to get you there, because I am also an expert in this area.

Try these responses to common, courtesy phrases:

They say: “Good morning!”  /  Your response: “What’s good about it?”

They say: “Have a nice day!”  /  Your response: “Don’t tell me what to do.”

Try these thoughts as you go out in public:

Good grief, people are really stupid.

You know, if half these people died right now I wouldn’t miss them.

Based on today’s display of humanity, would pre-historic times really have been that bad?

Try these thoughts about family:

They say: “We’re coming over.”  /  Your response: “Do you really have to?”

When, for all that is holy, can I stop parenting for 20 minutes?

How are these losers really my kids?

I’m not really genetically related to these people, am I?

You say: “Can you all just leave now?”  /  They say: “But, we haven’t been here that long.”

See how easy that is? Piss and Moan more. It has been validated and scientifically proven to be good for you.

You’re welcome.

 

Over

action adult adventure agility

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I’m over it.

I’m over that.

I’m over this.

I’m over the other thing.

I’m over done.

I’m over did.

I’m over do.

I’m over you.

I’m over me.

I’m over today.

I’m over tomorrow.

I’m over yesterday.

I’m over this day, week, month, year.

 

Protection?

face masks on blue background

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Anyone tired of this face condom thing yet?

Scoff? That’s not what it is…you say…

If I understand the science (that is still all over the place on actual effectiveness) I am being told, then that’s exactly what wearing a mask essentially is – a face condom.

So, according to widely spread, not supportable, social media statistics, if two people wear masks there is a 1.5% chance of a healthy person contracting Covid-19 from a sick person. Now, the CDC won’t confirm those numbers because they have no idea of the accuracy, but the claim is always followed up with “it’s just good to be safe and watch out for others.”

OK, so the CDC won’t give stats on this particular issue.

Interestingly, they also don’t give stats (at least I can’t find any) on their website about the effectiveness of condom use. It can be found in other places though. 98% is the number.

That means (roughly) that condoms and masks work (mostly) with the same effectiveness (if you believe the mainstream narrative) from keeping someone from getting something they don’t want.

Thus, 2020 is the Year of the Face Condom.

You’re welcome.

 

Shoulda

fawn pug lying on concrete surface

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I shoulda just called in sick today.

That’s not really the right attitude to have, but work sucks today.

I can think of hundreds of other things I’d rather be doing, or hundreds of other places I’d rather be.

Having a hard time dealing with it.

Just not motivated to exert myself in employment today.

My brain already hurts and I’m tired.

Shoulda. Shoulda done a lot of things. Shoulda, shoulda…

Pantry

silver display shelf on brown sectional table

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Working from home has created some issues…

The pantry is taunting me.

Like, seriously, it yells my name EVERY DAY and it wants me to constantly visit with it. Like I mean, it wants to snuggle and stuff. It’s weird, I know, but I can’t explain it any other way.

I try not to listen. I turn the music up. I have meetings. I blindfold myself.

But it is persistent.

It has scrumptious treats. They are salty. They are crunchy. They are sweet. They are spicy…

Resistance is nearly futile. I can’t escape it.

It calls me when I am working. It calls me when I am sleeping. It calls me when I am on the couch. It calls me even when I am out in the yard (it just yells louder…)

I have tried disconnecting my number but it still manages a way to get in touch.

It’s irritating really. But, oh so enticing too…

Wait, what?

Did you hear that? It’s calling again. I’ll go see what it wants now. If I am not back in 10 minutes, leave me alone. We’re snuggling again.