One thought

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Do you ever have one thing, one thought, that you fixate on all day and can’t get your mind of it? Like, you can do other things all day long, but no matter what happens everything still comes back to that one thought?

Maybe this is something that is easier for men. Maybe men have this happen because we really only can “be in one box” at a time while women have brains that look like a big ball of tangled and twisted Christmas lights (they go every which way but still light up!).

Anyway, I have one thought today.

I seriously can’t get it out of my mind and I am trying to figure out which way is the best way to approach it. I mean, I have to have it. I have to wait till work is over, but I am really excited for this evening as this one thought will obviously get fulfilled.

When I think about it so many questions fire off in my head. Do I get the way I want it, or do I let someone else decided how it will be done? Do I order it or do I use what I have at home? Do I enjoy it alone or do I share the enjoyment with someone else? Do I add a little something to spice it up or keep it kind of plain and traditional? Do I want it thick or thin? Go a little extra or just sit back and take it as it comes?

Man, I can’t wait to get pizza tonight.

Stalked

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Should I be worried? I have a feeling like I am being stalked…

Thanks for the clicks.

Someone is going back and reading my old blog posts, on both blogs. I have no idea who it is because they don’t leave a comment or a like. I even got a Facebook referral yesterday, and I haven’t had the original account connected to Facebook in more than a several years (I have no idea what the referral was for since apparently we don’t get so see how those clicks translate to traffic) and the newest blog (now four years old) has never been connected.

So, who is stalking me? Who is going WAY BACK in the archives and reading the old stuff? Who, or whom, is doing this?

Show yourself. Come out of the shadows. Reveal thyself and stop stalking me. At the very least, show me some love with a like, share, or comment. Sheesh.

Or, not. Whatever. If you find stuff so interesting, share it. Pass it around. Maybe others would find it interesting too.

Pooped

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Maybe this falls into the TMI category, maybe it doesn’t. I am sure the male readers in the group can probably attest to something of a similar experience, and if nothing else it might provide for a little comedic reading.

So, I am an early morning pooper.

I really prefer to get to my squatting done before my shower. I mean, that way I can head into the day with a freshly clean keister and don’t have to worry about unintentional stankiness (at least for the first part of the day).

So, typically the day begins after crawling outta bed with a squat on the porcelain throne. The amount of time can vary, but usually the business is done in 15-20 minutes and then I can proceed to the shower.

Today, I spent my usual time on the commode and then proceeded to hop into the shower. Not 10 minutes later, I am getting the painful feeling that I need to cop-a-squat again. Now I am feeling those gaseous pains and squeezing the cheeks together hoping that I am not gonna drop a package in the shower. Thankfully, it subsided briefly and I was able to finish my shower.

After getting outta the shower, no pressing feeling to visit the “thinking throne” is persisting so I am thinking I am gonna be able to start the day as usual. I get dressed and make coffee.

HELLO! I am reminded that the gas has not passed and either I am gonna have to do the penguin waddle to the water closet or find something to lean up against and endure the sharp pain in the middle region again. I wait because no waddle will happen without an accident. After the gurgling stops and the pain is tempered, I quickly head for the pooper.

Wait…the gas pains have returned, literally just before the pants come down and I am left staring at the crapper whilst I grimace through the next wave of internal chaos. WTH! Literally a foot from the squatter and I can’t use it….yet…

I am not sure why decided to turn my bowels into a problematic mess that required multiple visits to the porcelain bowl. Either way, that last trip seemed to do the trick. The main tank has been completely emptied.

I still would have liked to done it the first time and not had to put on pants feeling “unclean.”

There ya go! A little Friday the 13th potty humor/giggle/TMI for you.

Anyone else have similar experiences or habits?

Tool

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Joe Biden would like to have it both ways

“If you give a climate arsonist four more years in the White House, why would anyone be surprised if we have more of America ablaze?” Biden said during a climate change speech. “If you give a climate denier four more years in the White House, why would anyone be surprised when more of America is underwater?”

Hey, Joe, if more of America is under water then less of it can be on fire.

I am no sure if Joe is aware, but that’s how the whole fire suppression thing works. Firefighters put water on stuff (not to mention the fire) so it won’t burn.

The current president might not be the sharpest tool in the shed on certain things, but do we really want to replace him with an even duller tool? Not just another dull tool, but one that will truly be a tool to all things Socialist and Communist?

Maybe Joe should stop being a tool.

Negative

I am on the mend. The summer cold was truly that, a summer cold. I doubt many of you out there were worried. I mean, no one really cares, right?

However, my mind was eased by a negative result on the test (you know, that one that many people think they should get the moment they cough). So, I can rest assured that my parents haven’t been exposed by me and they can travel to see their parents in the near future.

And, nothing else has changed either. I am still negative all around too. So, don’t worry. You won’t see much on the positive side here on the blog.

I am thoroughly sure that there isn’t anything good happening in the world today. Perhaps the sky really is falling.

Anyway, we’ll be back to the regularly scheduled Piss & Moan here shortly.

Have a crappy weekend.

Cool sculpting

photo of an old ice cube refrigerator

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I saw a commercial last night for a weight-loss process called, cool scuplting. Apparently this is a trend that is catching on. The way I understand it is that they freeze fat cells and then when they thaw out they magically break down and vanish. At least that is what I gathered from it.

When I did a quick Google search, there are places here locally that offer this interesting (and apparently safe?) weight loss technique/process. So, I guess I could go inquire about it if I was really interested.

Is it covered by insurance? I mean, if not being overweight is more healthy then I would think this should thing should be covered by insurance.

This pandemic thing has cause me to eat. Well, actually, I always eat. It didn’t just start because of the pandemic. But, what I mean, is that it feels like I am eating all the time since I work from home. The scale says I am maintaining, but when I look in the mirror it doesn’t appear as though I am maintaining. Maybe the weight just happens to appear where the mirror can see so I feel like I am gaining weight. Again, the scale says I haven’t. But I am definitely not losing any…

Anyway, I was thinking, since I have weight I could lose, that I could maybe try this cool sculpting thing. I really don’t want to pay for it though. That’s an issue.

I do, however, have a box freezer. A big one! If all you have to do is freeze fat cells then I am set! I don’t need to visit some clinic.

I’m gonna try to clean out some stuff from the box freezer so I can lay down in there. It should only take a couple hours. I’ll freeze all that extra fat around my belly, in my face and neck area, a little on my ass….this is gonna be epic!

Once those couple hours are done, I am gonna be back to the weight was was in high school. She will hardly recognize me.

Oh, I better get started. I don’t want her to find me in the freezer.

I wanna surprise her!

Kicked

man kicking bonfire

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As in, my ass.

Work is kicking it today.

Can I just retire already? (never mind I have like 20 years to go…)

How is there so much work when school isn’t in session? (cuz of the damn Covid think…)

I gotta stop answering my own questions.

 

I am validated

left human hand

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Research shows, Piss and Moan is good for you.

Angry? Cynical? Pessimist? Grumpy? Ill-tempered?

All good for you, according to research.

Since we’re so into science these days and scientists know all, and should be trusted at all times, so you know this is quality stuff. How could they possibly be wrong? Well, honestly, they’re not. They know their stuff!

So, Bobby McFerrin, you can take your “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” and shove it! According to research, that crap is bad for your health and is more likely to kill you.

Need some help getting into the Piss and Moan mood? I have a few helpful hints to get you there, because I am also an expert in this area.

Try these responses to common, courtesy phrases:

They say: “Good morning!”  /  Your response: “What’s good about it?”

They say: “Have a nice day!”  /  Your response: “Don’t tell me what to do.”

Try these thoughts as you go out in public:

Good grief, people are really stupid.

You know, if half these people died right now I wouldn’t miss them.

Based on today’s display of humanity, would pre-historic times really have been that bad?

Try these thoughts about family:

They say: “We’re coming over.”  /  Your response: “Do you really have to?”

When, for all that is holy, can I stop parenting for 20 minutes?

How are these losers really my kids?

I’m not really genetically related to these people, am I?

You say: “Can you all just leave now?”  /  They say: “But, we haven’t been here that long.”

See how easy that is? Piss and Moan more. It has been validated and scientifically proven to be good for you.

You’re welcome.

 

Over

action adult adventure agility

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I’m over it.

I’m over that.

I’m over this.

I’m over the other thing.

I’m over done.

I’m over did.

I’m over do.

I’m over you.

I’m over me.

I’m over today.

I’m over tomorrow.

I’m over yesterday.

I’m over this day, week, month, year.