Sticky situation

Photo by Anete Lusina on Pexels.com

Warning labels can only go so far. Warning labels exist because people are stupid. Warning labels can’t possibly tell you all the things you are NOT supposed to do because the label isn’t big enough, the packaging would be horrendous, and no one can think of all the stupid stuff you shouldn’t do. Truth be told, if you see something stupid on the warning label it is because someone actually did it. No kidding.

People still need to use common sense. I realize the stuff is in short supply these days, but we really really gotta have people think before they do stuff.

So, I am sure by now you have heard the Gorilla Glue incident. I don’t know about you, but I have been glued to it since I heard about it. I have read every story I can get a hold of. The tears of laughter just spray from my eyes because I can’t believe the ridiculousness of it all.

If you haven’t of it, good job not paying attention to what is going on in the world! Ignorance is bliss, so they say.

Anyway, I think the lesson here is that you can get into a pretty sticky situation if you let your vanity get in the way of common sense. You’re going to get stuck with something you didn’t expect. And once the consequences hit, you’re probably going to come unglued.

All right, I’ll stop.

It isn’t nice to make fun of stupid people. But it sure it fun!

Minty eye

Photo by Josh Sorenson on Pexels.com

There is some danger in brushing your teeth. I know this isn’t probably widely talked about, but your toothbrush and toothpaste container may have it out for you if you’re not careful.

I was brushing my teeth a couple days back (yes, I brush them every day. Gross. Don’t make it sound like it is an occasional thing…) and I had something happen to me that I haven’t had happen in 48+ years. It was surprising to say the least and it STUNG LIKE HELL (like heat cream in the jock strap kind of sting!).

Here’s how it went down:

Minding my own business and going through my morning routine. Picked up the toothbrush, picked up the tube of toothpaste, and proceeded to carefully apply said paste to brush. I have done this a lot, so I don’t take a lot of particular care in application but I always try to make sure there isn’t a bunch of leftover hanging out of the tube when I close the lid (no one like the toothpaste crust on the outside of the nozzle). As the toothpaste reached the last few bristles of the brush, the bristles caught the edge of the tube opening…

Catapult!

Picture the films of back in the day when they used catapults to throw big rocks over the walls of castles and forts and whatnot. Only this time the catapult was flinging toothpaste.

In less than the blink of an eye (I literally watched the white glob fly at me) minty-fresh, teeth-whitening Colgate landed in the corner of my eye.

There was no Matrix effect for me to dodge it. There was no time to blink. There was no time to flinch.

“Eye, meet toothpaste. It’ll be staying for a while, and it will be uncomfortable, so buckle up for this ride.”

Stinging, blinking profusely, scrunched face, I tried to complete the job of brushing my teeth. It was tough. It took 23 minutes for the stinging to go away.

So yeah, if you want to sniff my minty eye some time let me know.

Wink wink, blink blink, wink wink.

Grumpy pants

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

OK, I’ll admit it. I’m feeling a little like a grumpy pants today. Did I wake up on the “wrong side of the bed”? Nope. Just feeling grumpy. Not sure why. Just am.

Do you have days like this? Where all you want to do is scream from the top of your lungs, “LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Yep. Today is one of those days for me.

Not that anyone is really bothering me, per se, but there is much to do at work and I don’t want to do it. There is much to do at home and I don’t want to do it.

I would prefer not to have anyone call me, see me, email me, message me, talk to me, look at me.

Actually, now that I think about it…I kinda feel like Bernie Sanders looked yesterday at the inauguration. Not that he was actually grumpy (at least not that I have heard), just that he didn’t look like he was all that pleased or excited to be there. He was probably just cold, but the image and all the memes being generated kind of says it all.

(Photo by Brendan SMIALOWSKI / AFP)

Just leave me alone and all will be good. Just let me hang out in my grumpy pants and be me.

That is all.

Mic check

Photo by Dominika Roseclay on Pexels.com

“Testing, testing, 1…2…3…check, check,…”

I have noticed a trend. One that is a bit strange, but a trend nonetheless.

Do you all not read the blogs you follow on Fridays?

Just curious.

I have noticed over the last several months that my stats for Fridays are down from other days. As though no one is interested in reading anything, or clicking on anything.

So, I am just wondering, is it me or is it you?

Do other bloggers notice the same thing? Are your followers just not checking you out on Fridays? Are they checking out for the weekend early and ignoring your posts?

Or is it just me? *sniffs armpit…sniffs other armpit* Do I smell?

What’s the deal? Am I uninteresting on Fridays?

Am I…boring on Fridays?

What say, ye?

Are you Sears-ious?

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

You’re gonna like this! No seriously, I am telling you to like it. But whatever you do, don’t expose yourself to free thinking. It’s bad for you. No seriously, it’s bad. Bad for some, that is.

If you haven’t encountered one of J.P. Sears’ videos, well, you just haven’t been on social media. They are everywhere! YouTube, Facebook, … you know, everywhere! No seriously, you will like these because they’re everywhere. I mean it.

Anyway, the man has been busy and is producing videos that just make you wanna sit back and think. No, seriously, think.

Is he serious, or is it comedy? Is it satire or is it truth? I’ll let you decide (provided you haven’t seen any of these already). These direct links to the videos are very specific, but if you click on that link up above, you’ll be taken to his channel where you can view all the stuff he has done. You can thank me later for this deep dive and lost afternoon of work, sleep, leisure, or whatever else you were planning on doing.

Socialist Media – The New Rules

How To Raise Weak Children During Lockdowns

My Apology to Facebook

A Communist Christmas

Instagram’s New Terms of Service – Not Sketchy at All!

Wanna be angry about something? Wanna be fearful and obedient? Wanna be controlled? Then don’t watch the videos, because they might enlighten you and no one wants that. That’s why Facebook has threatened him with de-platforming.

It takes brave people to standup and shout against the mainstream. I suggest you support this creator when you can.

Search what?

Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com

I am not sure if you take a look at the stats page for your blog. There is some interesting stuff on there. Which of your blogs was read, how many site visitors, likes, comments, where people are from when they look, and in some cases even what someone was searching for when they found your site. Look for “Search Terms” on your stats page. It might just be entertaining!

Yesterday, for some odd reason and obviously not known to me, someone found the blog by searching for “office piss.”

I’m not joking. I serious, though keeping a straight face may not be possible.

What are you searching for when you type that into the search bar?

  • Looking for directions to the office bathroom?
  • A comment about the quality of coffee in the staff break room?
  • Incomplete sentence?
  • It it some kind of slang or urban dictionary thing about gossip?
  • Code words for the watercooler?
  • Reminder about a staff meeting?

So, I tried it. I searched for it. I would recommend not actually seeing what you get in the search results. I looked. Unless you are looking for porn, that’s what you’ll get as top results…which then leads me to wonder, how did they get to my site?

One will never know how the algorithms work. It’s mysterious magic, or voodoo. Probably voodoo.

Take a look at your stats and see if you get a chuckle from yours. What are some of the weird “Search Terms” used to find you?

One thought

Photo by Ivan Babydov on Pexels.com

Do you ever have one thing, one thought, that you fixate on all day and can’t get your mind of it? Like, you can do other things all day long, but no matter what happens everything still comes back to that one thought?

Maybe this is something that is easier for men. Maybe men have this happen because we really only can “be in one box” at a time while women have brains that look like a big ball of tangled and twisted Christmas lights (they go every which way but still light up!).

Anyway, I have one thought today.

I seriously can’t get it out of my mind and I am trying to figure out which way is the best way to approach it. I mean, I have to have it. I have to wait till work is over, but I am really excited for this evening as this one thought will obviously get fulfilled.

When I think about it so many questions fire off in my head. Do I get the way I want it, or do I let someone else decided how it will be done? Do I order it or do I use what I have at home? Do I enjoy it alone or do I share the enjoyment with someone else? Do I add a little something to spice it up or keep it kind of plain and traditional? Do I want it thick or thin? Go a little extra or just sit back and take it as it comes?

Man, I can’t wait to get pizza tonight.

Stalked

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Should I be worried? I have a feeling like I am being stalked…

Thanks for the clicks.

Someone is going back and reading my old blog posts, on both blogs. I have no idea who it is because they don’t leave a comment or a like. I even got a Facebook referral yesterday, and I haven’t had the original account connected to Facebook in more than a several years (I have no idea what the referral was for since apparently we don’t get so see how those clicks translate to traffic) and the newest blog (now four years old) has never been connected.

So, who is stalking me? Who is going WAY BACK in the archives and reading the old stuff? Who, or whom, is doing this?

Show yourself. Come out of the shadows. Reveal thyself and stop stalking me. At the very least, show me some love with a like, share, or comment. Sheesh.

Or, not. Whatever. If you find stuff so interesting, share it. Pass it around. Maybe others would find it interesting too.

Pooped

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

Maybe this falls into the TMI category, maybe it doesn’t. I am sure the male readers in the group can probably attest to something of a similar experience, and if nothing else it might provide for a little comedic reading.

So, I am an early morning pooper.

I really prefer to get to my squatting done before my shower. I mean, that way I can head into the day with a freshly clean keister and don’t have to worry about unintentional stankiness (at least for the first part of the day).

So, typically the day begins after crawling outta bed with a squat on the porcelain throne. The amount of time can vary, but usually the business is done in 15-20 minutes and then I can proceed to the shower.

Today, I spent my usual time on the commode and then proceeded to hop into the shower. Not 10 minutes later, I am getting the painful feeling that I need to cop-a-squat again. Now I am feeling those gaseous pains and squeezing the cheeks together hoping that I am not gonna drop a package in the shower. Thankfully, it subsided briefly and I was able to finish my shower.

After getting outta the shower, no pressing feeling to visit the “thinking throne” is persisting so I am thinking I am gonna be able to start the day as usual. I get dressed and make coffee.

HELLO! I am reminded that the gas has not passed and either I am gonna have to do the penguin waddle to the water closet or find something to lean up against and endure the sharp pain in the middle region again. I wait because no waddle will happen without an accident. After the gurgling stops and the pain is tempered, I quickly head for the pooper.

Wait…the gas pains have returned, literally just before the pants come down and I am left staring at the crapper whilst I grimace through the next wave of internal chaos. WTH! Literally a foot from the squatter and I can’t use it….yet…

I am not sure why decided to turn my bowels into a problematic mess that required multiple visits to the porcelain bowl. Either way, that last trip seemed to do the trick. The main tank has been completely emptied.

I still would have liked to done it the first time and not had to put on pants feeling “unclean.”

There ya go! A little Friday the 13th potty humor/giggle/TMI for you.

Anyone else have similar experiences or habits?