Host

Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

What do you do? How do you handle the situation?

So, one of the adult children wants to have their children’s (our grandchildren) birthday party at our house. They asked if that could happen at the end of the month.

Sounds simple, right? Sure, go ahead! We love you. We love them. No problem!

But there is history. There is always history.

They have done this once before. Asked if they could use the house and yard for a birthday party and we said that was fine. Very little communication with them between the ask and the event.

Day of the event comes and we find out it is a four hour “open house” where people can just drop in and hang out. 40 people show up (not including family and many of whom we don’t know) at various times during this open house. The kids, on a very limited budget, didn’t plan or budget for said party. They didn’t have enough supplies for said party. They didn’t have enough food for said party. They had no alternative plans for said party if the weather was crappy that day. They didn’t stick around long after the open house was over to clean up.

Guess who picked up all the slack, both in time and expense? I guess you don’t need to guess since you know it was us.

So, what do you do this time when they ask? Just let them do it, no questions asked? Or, do you put limitations on it? Do you set expectations, or do you just go with the flow?

Loaded questions, because you know how I would handle it (at least you should by now). But, the other person in the house doesn’t think it should be handled that way.

What is reasonable, logical, and practical?

Objectify

What exactly does this mean if the power is created by showing more and more skin?
Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

Gonna wade into a social hot topic. A social double standard. Gonna stomp on some toes. Ruffle some feathers. Set the internet on fire.

Let’s be real for a moment.

Women say they don’t want to be “objectified” and yet they do it to themselves.

That’s an obviously broad statement. There are a lot of connotations in uttering it. But, I can’t help but wonder if what is said isn’t what is actually meant when it comes right down to it. Motivations play a big factor in it, I think.

Social media has caused me to wonder what’s true and what isn’t.

Based on what I see, being objectified brings attention, exposure, clicks, follows, etc. How does that happen?

Skin.

Show more skin.

If you are a female and want to be popular online, the less clothing and more skin you show translates to all kinds of the things mentioned above, plus music deals, modeling contracts, sponsorships, acting deals, etc.

Is it right? Absolutely not.

Are they perpetuating objectification? Of course.

Teenagers dancing in skimpy clothing. Women in short skirts, cleavage falling out all over the place, barely there bathing suits…it all attracts attention, which is exactly why it is being done.

Sure, the argument has been made that “they dress for themselves” and “it helps them feel confident about themselves” and “men shouldn’t see them as objects but as people.”

If that were really the case, would it be necessary to post a video of dance moves with very little clothing on? Couldn’t the same dance moves be made in a regular fitting t-shirt and jeans? Couldn’t the song be sung in a hoody and sweatpants? Couldn’t it just be done with less skin?

Quick test here: Do the exact same thing in two different videos – one fully clothed and one will very little on. Let’s just say it is a short Tik Tok video. Which one gets more views? Clicks? Shares? Likes?

Exactly. Point demonstrated. Skin and sex sells. Nevermind the fact that there are parents out there fully exploiting the fact that their daughters are all over the internet with next to nothing on (and encouraging it).

So, am I off my rocker here? I am seeing this differently than I should? Did I miss something? Maybe I’m wrong. After all, I am just a dumb man.

Thee and Thou

Photo by Levi Damasceno on Pexels.com

Round and round we go.

What’s good for thee, isn’t good for thou.

There’s an exception to everything.

Blended families are tough, to say the least. I have made this no secret here on the blog. As I have stated previously, lots of material comes from my experiences in this arena.

And here we are again. Thee and thou.

In the past, I have protested how parenting by one parent of their children should be different because they are adults and have their own families. Yet, it doesn’t seem to make much of a difference as it still is done (much to the satisfaction of the child). I am always told that if the situation were reversed and it were my own child that I would think and act differently.

“Just wait till it’s your daughter…”

And she may have been right.

The situations don’t play out exactly the same and a key difference is that my daughter is not yet an adult. She is getting closer with each passing day, but in the eyes of the law I still have some responsibility there. But, the way you parent adult children and minor children should be completely different – as in, minors should receive more assistance than adult children who can make their own decisions, have their own families, and their own jobs/income.

Now, when a situation arises that is similar to a situation of the past with the other children, and I handle it similarly to how the adult children were handled, I am greeted with scorn. The protests about how I didn’t like it when the adult children were parented that way so why am I doing it that way now with my own daughter come raining down. As if the fact that she is a minor and they are adults are completely disregarded for the sake of a disagreement.

Nice.

So, round and round thee and thou go.

Accountablity

Photo by bongkarn thanyakij on Pexels.com

What are your thoughts about holding someone accountable?

Situation: Someone tells you that they will do something (or have something done, like a service) but it will involve several people for it to be seen through to completion. As the agreed upon service is unfolding, it is clear that its going to get screwed up because there are multiple people involved with several different parts to coordinate to make it happen.

What do you do at this point?

  1. Deal with the individual parts and let it play out, hoping it is done correctly.
  2. Go straight to the person who set the whole thing in motion and make sure they are coordinating the various pieces so the outcome is successful.
  3. Let it all go to crap and then hope it can clean it up after.

Being a planner, I think you know which way I would go here. But, I really want to know…what do you think is the best way to approach this?

Do you let the person who promised something hold on to that accountability, or do you take it on yourself?

Tears

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Just gotta get through one more school year, baby girl.

So, there have been times over the many years when I have picked up my daughter from her mom and she was upset. Sometimes more obviously that others, but you can tell when something is bugging her. Never has there been a time when my daughter has gotten into the car and immediately burst into tears. Friday night was a first for that.

She’s 17 and going into her senior year.

She has endured mental and emotional abuse from her mother for YEARS and I have fought to change the custodial situation several times in court, at great expense and to no avail.

Courts hate fathers. But that’s a story for a different day.

Anyway, my daughter cried for a few minutes and then said it was “nothing.” “It happens all the time.” “It’s just the way it is.” She explained what was going on and said she didn’t wanna live there any more but knows she is stuck. She’s tough, but it still hurts her.

Breaks my heart…because there is nothing I can do at this point but point out that she’ll be 18 next year and will graduate high school and then she can make decisions for herself.

I reassured her that it isn’t normal, it shouldn’t be this way, and that it doesn’t happen all the time. That’s not how mother’s treat their children. Deep down, she knows this.

How can her mom be like this? Why is she such a manipulative, conniving, bi-polar B*tch? (Yeah, that capital letter was on purpose) What makes her think that her behavior is acceptable at any level?

She’s already alienated our daughter enough that she hates being there. Doesn’t want to go back. Can’t wait to get out. Is biding her time until she can completely abandon that relationship, at least temporarily. She likely won’t sever it completely because she still loves her mom…but she wants separation.

My heart hurts.

Hang on, baby girl, just nine more months…

Testing, testing…

Photo by Retha Ferguson on Pexels.com

Well, I went through the surreal experience of being tested for Covid today.

As I said yesterday, I don’t think this is anything more than a summer cold.

But, out of the abundance of caution for the family members that I may have exposed since this thing hit me on Saturday, I went and got tested. For peace of mind’s sake, I do want to know if I have exposed my parents and I do want to know if I need to let my dad know since he is wanting to go visit his mom. Plus, there are other family members that we can’t be too careful with as well.

So, through the stupid maze of traffic cones I went, stopping at two different tents set up by the state of Washington and the county. First the questions tent, then the swab tent. It didn’t take long, but it does feel like its all unnecessary.

Anyway, I’ll know whether I am negative (by nature, you already know that is true if you follow this blog!! LOL) or if I am positive (highly unlikely, medically or personality wise) in about 72 hours.

Which should I hope for?

Check out

reception desk with antique hotel bell

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Rhetorical questions here: Everyone had enough already? Everyone feel like everything is on fire and there is no way in hell you can make it stop? Everyone feel like everything is on fire while there is a tornado whirling around you? A tornado with sharks and snakes and alligators in it?

OK, enough of those questions. I know the answer. That’s why they were rhetorical.

I lied. One more.

Ever wish you could just check out of life like you check out of a hotel room?

“OK, I’m done here. I am not picking up or cleaning. I am not making the bed. Here’s the key. I am moving on. Nothing here is my responsibility any more.”

Yeah, I wish life was that easy.

I have had enough of everyone. Of everything.

Time to start over. Another time. Another place.

Ever feel like that?

That question, it’s not rhetorical. Go ahead and answer.

Fight me

selective focus of a boxer s fist

Photo by Ashutosh Sonwani on Pexels.com

Perhaps I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

Ever have one of those days where you just wanna punch everyone?

After a week or so of built up frustration, this morning just feels like I wanna pick fights just so I can punch someone.

I won’t, of course. I am not an animal and I do have some self-control.

And I pretty much work alone, all day in my garage, so there really won’t be any harm inflicted on anyone.

But good golly, I just wanna break stuff.

I am tired of people. I don’t even see that many people most days. But I am still tired of them.

I can understand why people like to live off grid. Away from other people. Away from society. I might not like the complete isolation, but it sure can be appealing at times.

Really appealing.

Watch your face. And I’ll watch mine.

 

Communication

marketing office working business

Photo by Negative Space on Pexels.com

As a former teacher, and someone who still works in education, let me say this plainly to all the parents out there of school aged children:

IF YOUR CHILD’S (CHILDREN’S) DISTRICT, SCHOOL, OR TEACHER IS TRYING TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU, STOP TREATING IT LIKE IT IS SPAM OR A NUISANCE.

Listen, they are doing the best they can in the worst of circumstances. They don’t wanna be doing school this way. No one does. So, stop complaining and get on board!

Also, any time someone from the district or school is trying to communicate with you about your student(s), pay attention! They aren’t out there to waste your time”just because.” They are trying to make sure the most important person(s) in your life gets the best education possible.

Pay attention.

Engage.

Participate.

Take responsibility for what you can do on your end.

Hold your student accountable – for everything! That means grades, participation, attendance, homework, communication, learning, exploring, etc.

Most of all, hold yourself accountable too! When you participate in your student’s education, your students will be better off in the long run.

Want your student, your child, to have a better life than you had?

Stop making excuses for everything and make sure they get an education.

17+1

group of people making toast

NOT MY FAMILY – Photo by fauxels on Pexels.com

I took the day off yesterday, from and blogging.

Family is in town from out of town, so yesterday was when everyone could get together at the same time.

It was actually kind of a big deal, since most of the time people are uncooperative and typically chaos ensues as the planning and execution of said plans happens.

So, 17+1 all managed to make it to another  part of the state and gather in a sort of “family reunion” type gathering. 17+1? Well, there were 17 people, plus one on the way.

Family? My wife and I, our combined 6 children, 2 of their spouses and a significant other, and 6 grandchildren (plus the one on the way).

Picnic lunch, visiting shops and stores amid a pandemic and ridiculous restrictions, ice creams stops, and lots of driving (about 6 hours round trip). So, as you can imagine, there are always a bit of wrangling issues when you have people in your group from ages of 53 to 2. But, for the most part, it was a memorable time.

Granted, these are the people that a large portion of the topics here on the blog deal with, but yesterday they were all exempt. Genuine effort by all made for a day that was mostly pleasant.

So, today, while I don’t feel like Pissing and Moaning, I guess I’ll just be appreciative.