They really know

Photo by Nathan Cowley on Pexels.com

Some people just really know how to push your buttons. Some people just really know how to make you feel lower than low. Some people just don’t show you any appreciation or love. Some of those people are people you just know, maybe they’re coworkers or acquaintances. But sometimes they are people that are supposedly close to you.

Step-kids.

Yesterday was the beginning of my 49th trip around the sun. It was a quiet day since the day before we were blanketed with about 9″ of snow (and the ensuing compact snow and ice on the roads). So, much of the day was spent watching tv, taking a nap, playing video games, and eating food.

Lots of people on social media, family and friends alike, issued wishes of cheer and congratulations on the day. That felt good.

Only two of the nine children (our six kids and three spouses/significant others) managed to communicate with me. MY daughter and the second oldest of the step-kids. That doesn’t feel nice.

They sure know how make me feel like crap…

“Up to here”

Photo by Ksenia Chernaya on Pexels.com

I am sure you probably heard it growing up. I know I did more than a few times.

Well, I can’t tell you how many times I have uttered those words directly at my children, but I do know that I have said it mentally or muttered it under my breath thousands of times. Maybe tens of thousands..

I have had it up to here… *motions with hand at a level*

– said by every parent in the world at one time or another

Up to my armpits. Up to my neck. Up to my chin. Up to my nose. Up to my eyeballs. Up to my ears. Up to the top of as high as my arm will reach…up to here!

Again, there is a certain child and his family that I have had it up to here with…the never ending, always needs help, continuously makes bad choices, can’t catch a break, needy child. Up to HERE!

Actually, when I think about it, there are a lot of things I have had it UP TO HERE with:

Politics.

Liberals.

Lockdowns.

Family.

Covid-19.

Media.

Social Media.

Can you feel me? There are a lot of things to have had it up to here with…

I am just gonna sit here, in the dark, and ignore everyone and everything for 15 minutes. Maybe more. Until my “up to here” level has gone down.

What’s got you having it “up to here” these days? Hit the Comment button and dish!

Bailing, again

Photo by Anatolii Kiriak on Pexels.com

Why do I feel like we are constantly responsible for bailing out the adult children? Good grief, it is never ending.

“Can we borrow the car?”

“Can we live with you?”

“Can you watch the kids?”

“Can we use the house?”

“We need help…”

“The kids need…”

“Can you help us find…”

“Can we do laundry at your house?”

“Can you keep this in your big freezer?”

“The car broke down again…”

“Will you co-sign with us?”

Choices. It all has to do with choices and theirs are continually poor. Much of it stemming from the fact that they rarely think about the future. Vision for the future and putting in a little thought about consequences and what might happen if…thus, the lack of forethought constantly has them stamping out fires of their own creation and never allowing them to head in the right direction.

Once again, we are being asked about borrowing a vehicle and providing a place for them to hang out while they have appointments in town. They are the ones that chose to move over an hour out of town (“We like living in the country”). They are the ones that made poor financial choices and only have one running vehicle, which also happens to be providing the only manner of income at the moment. They are the ones that have chosen to have four children on little to no income (supposedly the last two were unplanned, but we know better…).

These adult step-children are killing me. They know they are the source of friction in my home and yet they do nothing to help. It is a constant stream of needs, wants, and demands (or at least putting us in a position where it feels like a demand, leaving us with little choice).

The problem is, when I try to mitigate the help and limit the aid, it comes back to bite me in the ass. The wrath and second guessing in the household becomes palpable. Winter inside, and outside the house.

Yeah, good times…

Here we go again…

Forced

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I don’t like to be forced to do things. I don’t like being forced not to do things. I am complicated that way. Or maybe I am not really. I don’t know.

Lately, I find myself getting suggestions by someone that would essentially force me to interact with people I wouldn’t normally interact with, let alone go out my way to interact with them.

Just last night I mentioned that I was thinking about doing something and if I had to go alone that was ok, as it would just be a quick overnight trip later this month to see my grandparents and deliver/pickup gift exchange packages. Simple and quick.

I was met with, “That’s a good idea. If I can’t go, why don’t you see if ***** would like to go with you. It would be good for both of you and give you two a chance to hang out.”

What part of when I mentioned this idea did I indicate that I wanted to take extra people with me? When did I indicate that I wanted to have someone along that would neither want to go, nor would they appreciate the time? The suggestion was kind of pointless seeing as how the person being suggested hasn’t made any effort to see me (us) and almost never wanted to hang out with me (or contact me directly) in the past, let alone go see my grandparents with whom there has never been a relationship.

Rather strange and outta the blue suggestion.

Stop trying to force me to interact with people. I don’t like people in general, so I don’t want random suggestions of whom I should hang out with.

Thee and Thou

Photo by Levi Damasceno on Pexels.com

Round and round we go.

What’s good for thee, isn’t good for thou.

There’s an exception to everything.

Blended families are tough, to say the least. I have made this no secret here on the blog. As I have stated previously, lots of material comes from my experiences in this arena.

And here we are again. Thee and thou.

In the past, I have protested how parenting by one parent of their children should be different because they are adults and have their own families. Yet, it doesn’t seem to make much of a difference as it still is done (much to the satisfaction of the child). I am always told that if the situation were reversed and it were my own child that I would think and act differently.

“Just wait till it’s your daughter…”

And she may have been right.

The situations don’t play out exactly the same and a key difference is that my daughter is not yet an adult. She is getting closer with each passing day, but in the eyes of the law I still have some responsibility there. But, the way you parent adult children and minor children should be completely different – as in, minors should receive more assistance than adult children who can make their own decisions, have their own families, and their own jobs/income.

Now, when a situation arises that is similar to a situation of the past with the other children, and I handle it similarly to how the adult children were handled, I am greeted with scorn. The protests about how I didn’t like it when the adult children were parented that way so why am I doing it that way now with my own daughter come raining down. As if the fact that she is a minor and they are adults are completely disregarded for the sake of a disagreement.

Nice.

So, round and round thee and thou go.

17+1

group of people making toast

NOT MY FAMILY – Photo by fauxels on Pexels.com

I took the day off yesterday, from and blogging.

Family is in town from out of town, so yesterday was when everyone could get together at the same time.

It was actually kind of a big deal, since most of the time people are uncooperative and typically chaos ensues as the planning and execution of said plans happens.

So, 17+1 all managed to make it to another¬† part of the state and gather in a sort of “family reunion” type gathering. 17+1? Well, there were 17 people, plus one on the way.

Family? My wife and I, our combined 6 children, 2 of their spouses and a significant other, and 6 grandchildren (plus the one on the way).

Picnic lunch, visiting shops and stores amid a pandemic and ridiculous restrictions, ice creams stops, and lots of driving (about 6 hours round trip). So, as you can imagine, there are always a bit of wrangling issues when you have people in your group from ages of 53 to 2. But, for the most part, it was a memorable time.

Granted, these are the people that a large portion of the topics here on the blog deal with, but yesterday they were all exempt. Genuine effort by all made for a day that was mostly pleasant.

So, today, while I don’t feel like Pissing and Moaning, I guess I’ll just be appreciative.

Grow up

blue white ribbon on pink box

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

It never ceases to amaze me at how adult family members can be so immature, especially family members who are in their late 50’s.

A few details about my BNL. Single. Lives alone. Makes great money as a machinist in a local shop. Like to talk about himself, but that mostly includes his cats and his job (which he talks in technical jargon so no one can understand what he is talking about). Is a bit out there in ideology, but not extremist by any means. Likes rocks, gems, and nature photography.

Now, he always shows up at holiday celebrations. Rarely shows up for birthday celebrations, other than for his parents. Always comes to consume, but almost never contributes. Never participates in planning get-togethers and never shares in the expense, even though he will show up for them. When asked to bring something, he feigns not knowing what to bring, and if he is asked to bring something specifically it is never enough for size of the gathering.

Over the weekend, my FNL had his 80th birthday. His daughters (even one from out of town) planned the gathering and provided nearly everything for it. BNL showed up before the gathering and didn’t help with setup, tried to carry on conversations while we were setting up (as in, watched while we worked), didn’t offer to help, didn’t offer to help with expenses, nothing. But he made sure he was next to first in line for food. The only thing he actually did, or offered for the whole thing….he picked up some folding chairs at the end. Otherwise, he was busy hiding in the house and doing other things.

Time for someone to grow up and not think of themselves? Yeah, pretty much. Why do none of his siblings say anything to him about it? I have no clue.

Maybe there is history I don’t know about, but I am pretty sure he would have already told me if I stood there to listen to him long enough.

Irritating, you know?

Once again

uyuni salt flat

Photo by Leonardo Rossatti on Pexels.com

I don’t know why I bother, because I am going to be ignored either way.

Advice.

Why ask for it if you are going to completely ignore it?

Family. I tell ya.

Kids. *shakes head* Damn, kids.

When they ask for advice, they don’t really want advice. They just want validation for their own thoughts and opinions, and if you don’t give them what they want then they discount your advice and do what they wanted to do in the first place.

Gets old, ya know?

 

Loud and clear

sunset love lake resort

Photo by Download a pic Donate a buck! ^ on Pexels.com

You ever feel like you are under-appreciated?

We just passed a holiday of sorts – Father’s Day.

I remembered my dads. I have three (dad and two FILs). It’s an easy thing to do, right? Talk to one, remember the others. Acknowledge them, appreciate them, take time out of your day to help them feel special for a moment. Doesn’t take a long time, but it is important.

Now, background here…I married into a lot of kids the second time around. Most of them adults by the time they came into my life. So now, including spouses of the kids who are married, there are eight.

Could of days ago, I heard from three.

That’s it. Three.

Didn’t hear a peep from 5 of the 8. There haven’t even been any “after the fact” acknowledgements either.

So, now full disclosure, you know the source of a LOT of the Piss and Moan material.

I try to deny the fact and ignore it, but there just isn’t any denying it.

Look, I realize they have another dad. I haven’t ever expected to be the top of the list. But at the very least acknowledged? Yes.

I am not looking for anything fancy, lord knows that most of them can’t afford crap (see other, numerous, posts about adult children living in our house or on our property). But it doesn’t take much to make someone feel appreciated, right?

Is it wrong for me to feel this way?

 

Tag-alongs

five white sheep on farm

Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com

Nope. I’m not talking about small, over-priced cookies distributed by your little local vested gang…

I am talking about family members (adult children, really) who don’t ever make any plans on their own, but just “tag-along” on the plans of others.

Birthday parties, Thanksgiving, Mother’s/Father’s Day, etc…never their own plans, always the question that comes one of two ways, “What are the plans?” or “What are you doing?”

Both of those questions are then followed up by the assumption that they are automatically invited to the event (even if it doesn’t really involve them) and don’t have to put in any effort into it. Sure, sometimes they offer to bring something minimal but most of the time they just show up and consume with little to no appreciation.

I have watched from afar and up close and personal, so here’s an example of which I speak:

Mother’s Day planning is done for an elderly mother. Plans are made, set, decided upon, and food is purchased for said get together. Planning has been done by the child of this mother BUT what soon follows is the children (the adult grandchildren of the elderly mother) of said mother doing the planning don’t plan anything for their own mom. Instead, the children just horn in on the plans for the grandmother – they don’t make any effort to plan anything for their own mother, other than just going to the gathering for the grandmother.

Does that make sense? I tried to explain that as clearly as possible, but I am not sure I did it successfully.

Anyway, this kind of tag-along thing happens all the time and, quite frankly, the mother needs to say something about it but doesn’t have the heart to speak up and tell the kids they need to do their own planning.

Of course, I can’t speak up either because that is a battle I can’t win no matter how I approach it. I am sure you can assume you know how that would all go over.

Irritating, really. And all I can do is sit back and watch it happen…

Unsolicited Advice? If you have are an adult child with parents who are still around, make your damn own plans! That might be challenging depending on family situations and timing, but the effort is noticed and appreciated. DON’T just tag-along (even if you are invited to). Grow up, be responsible, and truly appreciate your parents instead of just relying on them.