I’ll stalk you for power

close up photo ofg light bulb

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That’s right, I’m watching. All the time.

I am just waiting for you to make a move. A move out of the room you are in to another room. I am waiting for you to fail at something you have been instructed hundreds of times, at varying volume levels, to do and yet still forget to do.

Again, I am one of those dads…

If you leave the room and leave the light on, you better dang well know I will be right there within minutes to make sure you know you left the light on. TURN OFF THE LIGHT!

I am not Tom Bodett, and I will NOT be leaving the light on for you (in case you didn’t get that reference).

Why is it so hard to remember? Why can’t you turn off the light when you leave the room and turn it back on when you come back in? Why do I have to be the power police?

Perhaps I will install motion detecting light fixtures and remove all the light switches…Oh, then that might actually have to make the teens get up and move once in a while. I might be on to something here…

Anyway, can we just do one thing today? Turn off the lights.

Who else has to deal with this, every. single. day.?

When is it enough?

bind blank blank page business

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Question of the day: When is it enough?

Let’s put some context into the question…

When is it enough charity? Gifting? Generosity? Especially, when it comes to adults who should, by now, be able to fend for themselves and stop making choices in life that keep them from being able to do it? Thus, requiring additional help (on a seemingly regular basis).

Does the answer of “enough” matter if they are a stranger? An acquaintance? A good friend? Family…children, grandchildren, parents, siblings? Sure, I understand every circumstance is different and have their own complexities, but there has to be a line, right?

Where does the line get drawn and how do you draw it? Do you just continually allow it to happen?

Yep, I’m THAT dad

blue and gray concrete house with attic during twilight

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Temperature is an important thing. It can’t be too hot and and it can’t be too cold. That is why I commissioned as scientific study (not really) of the atmosphere in the house and I have set the thermostat to the perfect temp for every occasion and every moment of the day.

So, SO HELP ME if someone touches the freaking thermostat! Period. It was perfect where it was at both in temperature but also on energy consumption. Leave it alone!

I swear the next person I see touch the thermostat…IMA BOUT TO COME UNCORKED!! I’m gonna break their fingers, and the next person after that (since they didn’t learn from the previous example) will get their fingers cut off and feed to the dog (ok not really, but it sounds good)!

Just. Leave. It. Alone.

If you’re hot, wear less clothing. If you’re cold, wear more clothing. Just don’t touch the thermostat.

Anyone else have to deal with this? Am I insane? It is really that hard to just not touch?

 

New car clean

automobiles automotives black and white black and white

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You know how bright and shiny that car looked when it came off the lot? You know, sparkling, dust free interior, the chromy parts chroming, and the black plastic on the outside hasn’t started to fade to gray…

Is it ever like that again? I mean for a BRAND SPANKING NEW CAR?

Probably not. I don’t have time to wash it daily and I don’t have time to clean the inside on even a weekly basis…so it gets dirty, like the car I just got rid of. That old car rarely got washed and rarely got cleaned on the inside. I mean, it was old, so who cares, right?

But this new car…can I just put a bubble around it?

All I want is for it to stay clean!

Is this what Hell looks like?

apartment chair clean contemporary

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I think I was being punished yesterday.

Why, you ask?

I attempted what no rational adult should attempt.

I went shopping at IKEA with kids. OK, there, I said it. I have known it for a while but I am irrational.

It is a HUGE mistake to take your kids shopping with you at IKEA. They whine. They complain. They constantly have to be taken to the bathroom. They touch things. They run around. All while you are slowly losing your mind and repeating yourself incessantly. Yes, they do have a “play area” for kids. BUT, get this…apparently there are so many rules that few kids even qualify. And if they do, they can only stay there for an hour. Yeah, you read that right, AN HOUR!! It take like three hours just to walk through the store, let alone try and shop.

No rational conversations can be had. No decisions can be made.

All you wanna do when you’re done at the place is smash your head against something hard until you pass out. Yes, that must be what Hell will be like…eternally shopping with your kids.

Here’s an IDEA…IKEA should be a kid free zone.

Don’t make me carve another

boy and girl playing with pumpkins

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Yeah, it’s THAT time of year again. I already mentioned one of the terrible things we have to enjoy during this season, but there is another similarly related item.

Pumpkin carving. Ugh…

I am sure I enjoyed it to some degree when I was a kid, and yes there is a degree of “tradition” involved. The whole trip tot he patch and walking in the mud and getting hot cider, etc. I get it.

But these days, I could care less. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to help the kids do it. I don’t want to help the grandkids do it. I don’t want to do it. You can’t make me do it.

There I said it.

Yes, I am heartless. The Grinch is my spirit animal. Always.

 

Pets, kids, and parental stupidity

girl lying on white surface petting gray rabbit

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OK, parents, why do we do it?

Do we do it just for the moment of joy we see on our kids’ faces, or are we just secretly gluttons for punishment?

You know we all have gone through the debate with ourselves while at the pet store, or at a neighbor’s/friend’s house, or a relative’s house…the debate is always the same. Ami I right?

I don’t really want to get this animal because I am gonna end up taking care of it. But it would make my child so happy and I do want them to be happy. But, I am gonna be the one feeding it, walking it, cleaning up after it, paying for it, etc., etc., etc.,…Oh, look at her/him smile! This would make me such an awesome parent (maybe even their favorite???). I should totally do this. NO, WAIT, what I am saying, I don’t want more animal puke, animal drool, animal poop and pee, animal whatever whatever whatever. Dang, it is kinda cute. Couch snuggles would be nice. UGH, I am stupid because I know that joy on the face will only last for two days and then it will be battles trying to get him/her to take care of it. I don’t want it. I hate animals. But, it is awful cute. Where will be put it? Who will care for it when we are out of town? This is a really bad idea. I am just gonna say no.

OK, we’ll take it. 

Followed by screams of joy and many smiles and “Thank you, thank you, thank you”s.

And now all you can think about is, What have I just done???

Followed by dread and loathing until the animal dies or disappears.

Parents, why are we so dumb? I don’t want more pets and yet the kids still get them and we still end up taking care of them. We knew it and we still did it anyway.

We are lame.