courts | Piss and Moan

Tears

Posted on August 24, 2020 by backuphill

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Just gotta get through one more school year, baby girl.

So, there have been times over the many years when I have picked up my daughter from her mom and she was upset. Sometimes more obviously that others, but you can tell when something is bugging her. Never has there been a time when my daughter has gotten into the car and immediately burst into tears. Friday night was a first for that.

She’s 17 and going into her senior year.

She has endured mental and emotional abuse from her mother for YEARS and I have fought to change the custodial situation several times in court, at great expense and to no avail.

Courts hate fathers. But that’s a story for a different day.

Anyway, my daughter cried for a few minutes and then said it was “nothing.” “It happens all the time.” “It’s just the way it is.” She explained what was going on and said she didn’t wanna live there any more but knows she is stuck. She’s tough, but it still hurts her.

Breaks my heart…because there is nothing I can do at this point but point out that she’ll be 18 next year and will graduate high school and then she can make decisions for herself.

I reassured her that it isn’t normal, it shouldn’t be this way, and that it doesn’t happen all the time. That’s not how mother’s treat their children. Deep down, she knows this.

How can her mom be like this? Why is she such a manipulative, conniving, bi-polar B*tch? (Yeah, that capital letter was on purpose) What makes her think that her behavior is acceptable at any level?

She’s already alienated our daughter enough that she hates being there. Doesn’t want to go back. Can’t wait to get out. Is biding her time until she can completely abandon that relationship, at least temporarily. She likely won’t sever it completely because she still loves her mom…but she wants separation.

My heart hurts.

Hang on, baby girl, just nine more months…

X factor

Posted on December 5, 2019 by backuphill

Photo by Ricardo Esquivel on Pexels.com

When you are divorced and have had a child (or children), there is always the “X factor” to consider.

It’s sad to say, but as fathers we very typically get the shaft when it comes to co-parenting the children after a divorce. There is honestly no logical reasoning behind this precedent other than the mother is nearly always seen as “the fittest parent” in these situations, regardless of the circumstances. Even when you can demonstrate, with evidence, that as a father you would be a better choice for the child’s custodial parent it is a costly uphill battle that has no guaranteed outcome.

As I was preparing the visitation calendar for 2020 for my teen daughter, it just brought back all the times where I have had to consider the X factor over the last 14 years. We divorced when she was under two so I have had a lot of considering to do, and still have a little while longer to deal with it. It has been a challenge over the years.

How will the X respond to this? What will the X do now? Is there a way to get the X to be reasonable? How crazy is my X, really? I can’t believe the X responded the way she did. Why does the X have to make everything about herself? Why does the X always make this more challenging than it needs to be? How is the X gonna take this? How can I do this so it doesn’t piss the X off? Now what does the X want?

If you are a divorced father with children, you likely know all too well what I mean. Or, maybe you are even a mother with a crazy X, you know too. Really this post isn’t so much about fathers (though that is my experience) but about the fact that while raising children as divorced parents you are always having to consider the X factor. Everything you do seems to revolve around the other person even though you aren’t with that person every day.

I am thankful that it has gotten a little better since my daughter is now older and can transport herself, but as I was still working on a visitation calendar (which really hasn’t been followed since my daughter is old enough to have a job now) that I still have to consider the X factor when it comes to my daughter. Just a couple more years that I am REQUIRED to consider the X…then it will only have to be during major life events for my daughter. That will be a whole new chapter of X factor to deal with.

Can anyone else relate to this?