Shoulda

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I shoulda just called in sick today.

That’s not really the right attitude to have, but work sucks today.

I can think of hundreds of other things I’d rather be doing, or hundreds of other places I’d rather be.

Having a hard time dealing with it.

Just not motivated to exert myself in employment today.

My brain already hurts and I’m tired.

Shoulda. Shoulda done a lot of things. Shoulda, shoulda…

Obligation

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I hate feeling obligated.

I hate feeling obligated to leave a tip at a restaurant if the service I received was just part of the ordering process. It’s one thing to leave a tip for a server and personal interaction. It is another thing to leave a tip for someone who took an order from behind a counter. I just won’t do it.

I hate feeling obligated to go out of my way for a family just because “we’re family.”

I hate getting invitations to an event and feeling obligated to go because someone has invited me.

I hate feeling obligated to eat the last cookie in the cookie jar because it is probably lonely.

I hate feeling obligated to do things for co-workers. I especially hate being invited to the wedding of a co-worker (by the co-worker, of course) I don’t particularly like all that much. I hate feeling obligated to go to the wedding because “everyone” (or nearly everyone) will be there. Look, just because you are a co-worker, doesn’t mean I want to hang out with you or celebrate your special moments with you outside of the workplace. We just aren’t that close and we never will be. So, I hate having the feeling obligation when it comes to attending this event.

How do I solve such a dilemma?

I’ll just stop having feelings. I am pretty good at that. No feelings? No feeling of obligation.

Done. Solved.

 

Blah

uyuni salt flat

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Just blah.

Blah, blah, blah.

After a few days of feeling under the weather, a Monday is the last thing I want. Oh, and work.

Who wants to work, on a Monday, anyways?

I am sure I could find 1000 other things I could be doing rather than being at work.

Not sure I am completely recovered, but I am on the mend.

How are you feeling today? Are you fully ready to tackle a new day? A new week?

Broken button

yellow and red stop button

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It’s broke. The thing works intermittently so I know it’s there, but today it isn’t working.

My excitement button is broken.

I haven’t the energy to get excited about anything. It’s been this way for a while, but today I realized that it wasn’t something I consciously was aware of. As I look back over that last several weeks, I now see that it’s been broken for a while. I am not sure when it broke. It just is.

Have you ever experienced a time in your life where good things are happening but you just don’t feel any joy around them? Have you ever had a time where life felt like things had evened out but experiences or things just didn’t generate a response like excitement? It’s a weird feeling to think about the things in past that got me excited only to have them happen now and it feels like no big deal.

Am I too tired? Am I too apathetic? Am I too calloused? I am not sure.

Where is the joy? How do I get it back?


 

Do you have joy? Excitement? What get’s your juices flowing and give you joy or excitement? Drop it in the comments!