They really know

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Some people just really know how to push your buttons. Some people just really know how to make you feel lower than low. Some people just don’t show you any appreciation or love. Some of those people are people you just know, maybe they’re coworkers or acquaintances. But sometimes they are people that are supposedly close to you.

Step-kids.

Yesterday was the beginning of my 49th trip around the sun. It was a quiet day since the day before we were blanketed with about 9″ of snow (and the ensuing compact snow and ice on the roads). So, much of the day was spent watching tv, taking a nap, playing video games, and eating food.

Lots of people on social media, family and friends alike, issued wishes of cheer and congratulations on the day. That felt good.

Only two of the nine children (our six kids and three spouses/significant others) managed to communicate with me. MY daughter and the second oldest of the step-kids. That doesn’t feel nice.

They sure know how make me feel like crap…

Six(ty) Word Story

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We have talked about it over and over again. You know I don’t like it.

I have asked you not to do it. You agreed you wouldn’t.

Yet, you do it anyway. Are your actions that important to only you?

You just ignore me and my feelings, my requests.

I don’t understand. I’m confused.

I’ll just sit here hurt, alone.

Grumpy pants

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OK, I’ll admit it. I’m feeling a little like a grumpy pants today. Did I wake up on the “wrong side of the bed”? Nope. Just feeling grumpy. Not sure why. Just am.

Do you have days like this? Where all you want to do is scream from the top of your lungs, “LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Yep. Today is one of those days for me.

Not that anyone is really bothering me, per se, but there is much to do at work and I don’t want to do it. There is much to do at home and I don’t want to do it.

I would prefer not to have anyone call me, see me, email me, message me, talk to me, look at me.

Actually, now that I think about it…I kinda feel like Bernie Sanders looked yesterday at the inauguration. Not that he was actually grumpy (at least not that I have heard), just that he didn’t look like he was all that pleased or excited to be there. He was probably just cold, but the image and all the memes being generated kind of says it all.

(Photo by Brendan SMIALOWSKI / AFP)

Just leave me alone and all will be good. Just let me hang out in my grumpy pants and be me.

That is all.

Enthused?

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Enthusiastic. Enthusiasm. Enthused.

Something that I am “less than” of.

OK, that last sentence is admittedly weird. But, maybe you got the point. There are things and people in my life that I am having a hard time getting enthused about or having any enthusiasm over. I am just feeling…blah…

Someone earlier in the week suggested meeting up. Nah. I’m fine. Didn’t feel any enthusiasm at the prospect.

Someone is visiting this weekend. Not all that enthused about it. I should be, since I haven’t seen the person since March and he’s my best friend in the world. But, I am just kind of…blah…

Is something wrong with me? Am I just going through a phase? Could it just be that I am so tired of people that relationships of any kind are just not worth the effort or excitement?

Anyone else experiencing this loss of enthusiasm over things they normally would feel enthused and energized by? If so, can you pin-point why you don’t feel the way you normally would?

If you need me, I’ll be over here the corner, not being enthusiastic about anything.

Shoulda

fawn pug lying on concrete surface

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I shoulda just called in sick today.

That’s not really the right attitude to have, but work sucks today.

I can think of hundreds of other things I’d rather be doing, or hundreds of other places I’d rather be.

Having a hard time dealing with it.

Just not motivated to exert myself in employment today.

My brain already hurts and I’m tired.

Shoulda. Shoulda done a lot of things. Shoulda, shoulda…

Obligation

gray box with silver ribbon

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I hate feeling obligated.

I hate feeling obligated to leave a tip at a restaurant if the service I received was just part of the ordering process. It’s one thing to leave a tip for a server and personal interaction. It is another thing to leave a tip for someone who took an order from behind a counter. I just won’t do it.

I hate feeling obligated to go out of my way for a family just because “we’re family.”

I hate getting invitations to an event and feeling obligated to go because someone has invited me.

I hate feeling obligated to eat the last cookie in the cookie jar because it is probably lonely.

I hate feeling obligated to do things for co-workers. I especially hate being invited to the wedding of a co-worker (by the co-worker, of course) I don’t particularly like all that much. I hate feeling obligated to go to the wedding because “everyone” (or nearly everyone) will be there. Look, just because you are a co-worker, doesn’t mean I want to hang out with you or celebrate your special moments with you outside of the workplace. We just aren’t that close and we never will be. So, I hate having the feeling obligation when it comes to attending this event.

How do I solve such a dilemma?

I’ll just stop having feelings. I am pretty good at that. No feelings? No feeling of obligation.

Done. Solved.

 

Blah

uyuni salt flat

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Just blah.

Blah, blah, blah.

After a few days of feeling under the weather, a Monday is the last thing I want. Oh, and work.

Who wants to work, on a Monday, anyways?

I am sure I could find 1000 other things I could be doing rather than being at work.

Not sure I am completely recovered, but I am on the mend.

How are you feeling today? Are you fully ready to tackle a new day? A new week?

Broken button

yellow and red stop button

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It’s broke. The thing works intermittently so I know it’s there, but today it isn’t working.

My excitement button is broken.

I haven’t the energy to get excited about anything. It’s been this way for a while, but today I realized that it wasn’t something I consciously was aware of. As I look back over that last several weeks, I now see that it’s been broken for a while. I am not sure when it broke. It just is.

Have you ever experienced a time in your life where good things are happening but you just don’t feel any joy around them? Have you ever had a time where life felt like things had evened out but experiences or things just didn’t generate a response like excitement? It’s a weird feeling to think about the things in past that got me excited only to have them happen now and it feels like no big deal.

Am I too tired? Am I too apathetic? Am I too calloused? I am not sure.

Where is the joy? How do I get it back?


 

Do you have joy? Excitement? What get’s your juices flowing and give you joy or excitement? Drop it in the comments!