Turtle

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Pull your arms, legs, and head into your shell. No cares. No worries. Oblivious to everyone and everything.

That’s the life.

I want it.

I am so exhausted from everything that has taken place over the last day…week…month…year…decade? Seriously. I am tired of all people.

Anyone else just wanna throw up your hands and just say, “Screw it! I am doing my own thing now and everyone else can bite me.”?

If only it were just so and things would be that easy.

Interacting with social media, the “news,” friends, and even family (in some cases) has been like molasses in sub-zero temps. Pointless.

Exercises in frustration. Conversations similar to running your knuckles over a cheesegrater. Needles to the eyeball. Whatever you do, you’re just tired of it all.

So, life of a turtle, not so bad. I can see why hermits become hermits. Is it possible, at this juncture, to find a remote uninhabited tropical island and just live there?

I’ll take it.

Other

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Ever had a tough time not thinking about “the other”? Specifically, “the other” things you could be doing or “the other” person/people you could be with?

Sometimes I find it hard to make it through the day without thinking about “the other” things. I am sure this is just a focus issue and somehow I have developed a little ADD in that I am isolated each day in my home office (garage). There are so many other things I could be doing. So many other things that I want to do (or maybe need to do) instead of actually working. LOL

I know, I know. Work provides the income that allows me to actually do other things when I am not at work. It is a necessary evil.

It’s just, do I have to? I mean, really? Do I have to?

The other things seem like they would be way more fun. The other people seem like they would be way more entertaining.

I suppose this could just be a case of “the grass is greener” and what I am really experiencing or feeling isn’t necessarily the truth. But still, “the other” thing, person, people, activities, job, entertainment, whatever, seems way better than what I am doing right now.

I could be wrong.

But there is no way of knowing.

So, I ponder and think about “the other” still.

Check out

reception desk with antique hotel bell

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Rhetorical questions here: Everyone had enough already? Everyone feel like everything is on fire and there is no way in hell you can make it stop? Everyone feel like everything is on fire while there is a tornado whirling around you? A tornado with sharks and snakes and alligators in it?

OK, enough of those questions. I know the answer. That’s why they were rhetorical.

I lied. One more.

Ever wish you could just check out of life like you check out of a hotel room?

“OK, I’m done here. I am not picking up or cleaning. I am not making the bed. Here’s the key. I am moving on. Nothing here is my responsibility any more.”

Yeah, I wish life was that easy.

I have had enough of everyone. Of everything.

Time to start over. Another time. Another place.

Ever feel like that?

That question, it’s not rhetorical. Go ahead and answer.

Grow up

blue white ribbon on pink box

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It never ceases to amaze me at how adult family members can be so immature, especially family members who are in their late 50’s.

A few details about my BNL. Single. Lives alone. Makes great money as a machinist in a local shop. Like to talk about himself, but that mostly includes his cats and his job (which he talks in technical jargon so no one can understand what he is talking about). Is a bit out there in ideology, but not extremist by any means. Likes rocks, gems, and nature photography.

Now, he always shows up at holiday celebrations. Rarely shows up for birthday celebrations, other than for his parents. Always comes to consume, but almost never contributes. Never participates in planning get-togethers and never shares in the expense, even though he will show up for them. When asked to bring something, he feigns not knowing what to bring, and if he is asked to bring something specifically it is never enough for size of the gathering.

Over the weekend, my FNL had his 80th birthday. His daughters (even one from out of town) planned the gathering and provided nearly everything for it. BNL showed up before the gathering and didn’t help with setup, tried to carry on conversations while we were setting up (as in, watched while we worked), didn’t offer to help, didn’t offer to help with expenses, nothing. But he made sure he was next to first in line for food. The only thing he actually did, or offered for the whole thing….he picked up some folding chairs at the end. Otherwise, he was busy hiding in the house and doing other things.

Time for someone to grow up and not think of themselves? Yeah, pretty much. Why do none of his siblings say anything to him about it? I have no clue.

Maybe there is history I don’t know about, but I am pretty sure he would have already told me if I stood there to listen to him long enough.

Irritating, you know?

Day 3

Vacation, Day 3:

Plans for today? Murder.

Not of people, but of plants. Not to say the former hasn’t been considered (jk internet police!), but the later is definitely taking place. Well, actually, it already has.

I got up early this morning and mixed the weed killer into my backpack sprayer three different times and wandered the yard in the cool morning sun and took care of (crossed fingers) the offending plants. Dang, there are a lot of the little jerks! Why do I need to do this every year? Why can’t this death sentence be permanent?

Just that thought of the weeds kind of pisses me off. When I think about it, weeds are kind of a metaphor for people in society. There are a lot of people who seem to thrive in the worst of circumstances with barely any resources and still they seem to spread their jerkiness to the rest of us…do you feel where I am going here? Yeah, maybe not the best analogy, but that’s what you think about when you are by yourself in the early mornings with a little coffee in the system. But still, how do irritating people continue thrive in bad times and good people get overwhelmed by the bad people in their lives?

A serious question to consider.

I am not sure what other plans I have for the day. I am liking the sun today though. That was a little unexpected because the people who do whether forecasts are wrong more than they are right. Anyway, if the weather holds, maybe there will be a fire in the fire pit tonight.

But still, this is going to be the worst vacation ever.

40%

batch books document education

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We, as in our office (which is in a separate location from the “head office”), got an update on the policies regarding telecommuting during this health crisis, scare, whatever you wanna call it.

Prior to the outbreak of COVID-19, telecommuting policy said that we could telecommute up to 40% of a work week (two days) and that could only be done on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. I have talked about before how my job could literally be done from anywhere in the world with an internet connection, so 40% for my office is a ridiculous restriction.

Now, with COVID-19 being a thing and recommendations from every level of government (techinically I am a public employee) stating that employees should stay home and telecommute if feasible (again, it is totally feasible for my office) the “head boss” has issued new permissions for telecommuting.

Yesterday’s email said, in effect, “we are allowing telecommuting on Mondays and Fridays now, but we are still limiting overall permission to 40% of the work week, per board policy.” In other words, we are still required to go into our office three days a week! So, if I may paraphrase…policy over people. I gotta say, that right right there is some crappy ass leadership.

I have said it before and I will maintain that I am not an alarmist by any means. I am going about my daily life normally. I went out to eat last night and supported a local business near my home.

This issue I have here is that a public institution is going against the recommendations of the government, the one that funds it, and demanding adherence to a policy which they clearly have been given the green light to alter in this extraordinary time. There is no expectation by me or my colleagues that the alteration would adjust regular practice in the future (though we would like to see that). We just want acknowledgement that our government agency is recognizing the recommendations of the government and that isn’t happening.

I am in the office today. Nearly all of us are. But none of us are happy about it.

 

Takers

human hand screengrab

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I could be wrong, but I think there are really two types of people in this world.

I believe all people fall into two categories: givers and takers.

Which are you? Which do you surround yourself with? Or, maybe better put, which do you attract?

Sometimes it takes a hard evaluation of the people around you to realize where they fall, but also where you fall. I don’t believe that you can only be one, as I believe it is possible to be both.

Ultimately, I have heard (and maybe I believe this) that we should be givers first and always. That can be translated many different ways, but a quick run down will suffice – time, money, compassion, empathy, knowledge, listening, etc.

A taker, on the other hand, is someone who takes and takes and takes and quite literally could probably suck the very last breath out of you if you let them. They are the kind of people who are in constant need of everything – money, possessions, time, attentions, etc.

Honestly I try to be both. I don’t like taking, but I don’t have a problem doing so either. I don’t like giving, but it does have a limit. As such, I try to find a balance between the two and, if I am entirely honest, I like the people in my life to have a pretty good balance the the give and take as well.

Unfortunately, I must attract a lot of takers. There are several people who I can’t seem to let go of….or, can’t get rid of…they cling. They take. They need. They ALWAYS need. Thus, they always WANT and always TAKE.

It’s exhausting. Give. Give, and give some more. I am tired. I am spent.

I don’t want to do it anymore.

False hope

man standing in the middle of road

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Hopes up.

Get them up. Higher. Higher!

Hopes crushed.

Don’t you hate it when people tell you they will do something and then they don’t?

Even worse, they tell you they will do it by “X” (a certain time they determined) and then they don’t get it done. They don’t come through. They just plain don’t make it happen.

Then, they don’t even have the courtesy to tell you it won’t happen and ignore you when you ask what happened. Or, worse still, they just blow you off like it didn’t really matter in the first place.

(see how this is progressing? Irritating isn’t it.)

Integrity.

It takes integrity to actually do what you say you will do, when you say you’ll do it.

It takes integrity to admit and communicate that you can’t get it done when you say you will and then make adjustments (maybe even at personal cost) to get it done in a timely manner to deliver as best as possible upon your word.

Integrity is something we don’t see much of these days. What used to be a standard has now become very rare.

It.Sucks.


 

Ever been promised something and then not have it delivered? My guess is you have and my guess is it frustrated you just as much as it does me. Tell me about your experience in the comments!

Expectations

reflection photo of man standing on dirt road

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I’ll admit, I have a problem.

The problem? I have too many expectations. I don’t think I am an unreasonable person, but I do think that having expectations in the current days is slowly becoming an exercise in futility.

I expect that people mean what they say, and say what they mean.

I expect that people will be responsible for themselves.

I expect that people will own their actions, or inaction.

I expect that people will follow through. That they will honor their word.

I expect that family members will be productive citizens when they come of age.

I expect that my rights as a citizen of the United States are paramount to those of a non-citizen (obviously within limit as I am not a lawless individual).

I expect that the media should be fair and balanced.

I expect that my tax dollars are used for legitimate needs.

I expect that good customer service can’t be compromised.

I expect that respecting our elders and law enforcement is a given.

I could go on. But I won’t.

It doesn’t seem that there is a point to having expectations any longer. Yes, we all have our own expectations but there used to be those that everyone agreed upon and that just simply isn’t the case any longer.

What do you think? Is it unreasonable to have expectations these days?