Total turmoil

If you have noticed that it’s been a little quiet around here…thanks for noticing. If you haven’t noticed, that’s fine too.

Baseball analogy time: Life around here has been in total turmoil as life seems to throw only curveballs, all the time, and I can’t hit them. It would be nice to have a fastball or a changeup, but instead it has just been a steady diet of curveballs.

Trying to keep up with the changes over the last year has been draining to say the least. The last month, month and a half, has been a blur.

I don’t mean to sound selfish, but I don’t wany any of it. I don’t mean to sound heartless or uncaring, but I am losing my ability to care.

I am tired of the constant family trials, difficulties, challenges.

Once again, life has gotten extremely uncomfortable. If you have been around here long, you are probably familiar with some of the things/people I have referred to in the past. Once again, the past issues are now current issues again.

It’s just…turmoil.

Life distracted

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If you have been following along for any time, or have gone back and read some of the old stuff, you know that I have a family member who has a mystery illness that has yet to be figured out. Specialists have looked and they basically have shrugged and said, “Not my system. Check with someone else.” When they are pointing their figers at another bodily system, which leaves us with a bunch of docs point at each other, what does that leave us to do?

We start over, I guess.

Wednesday of last week was spend (at least most of it) in an ER some 50+ miles away. Part of that was to push a referral process along and part of it was the fact that the ER/hospital is not only approved by insurance but is connect to or works closely with the specialist with the insurance parent company/clinic.

Confusing, right?

Anyway, ER time equals overnight observation and a test that hadn’t been done yet but which we has pushed for with the first specialist. Thursday was mostly spend waiting for a test and then waiting for results. As it turns out, that test revealed nothing other than everything appears to be “normal.”

Yet the doctors that have seen the family memeber agree there is definitely something wrong.

I am at work today but needless to say, I am distracted. It’s been that way since this all started. Hard to focus. Hard to get stuff done.

Actually, it’s hard to do anything in life really. I am constantly reminded or thinking of something than whatever I am doing. I am find that I don’t really enjoy anything because I am always thinking about the other person. They don’t enjoy anything because they can’t physically do it or when they try they suffer the whole time they endure it.

Endure it.

Really, that’s what life has become. Everything is about enduring every activity, interaction, location, meal, or socialization.

Normal doesn’t feel possible any longer.

Apathy

fawn pug lying on concrete surface

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I don’t know about you, but I have felt a general sense of apathy set in as a result of all this “isolation.”

I am not all that isolated since there are people around (neighbors in their yards, and other family members in the house, co-workers via Teams and Zoom). BUT, the general assumption is that we shouldn’t be going out and about to run our normal errands unless it is necessary.

So, the normal routine of life is interrupted. I find myself sitting around (more than normal) with a general sense of apathy towards doing anything productive.

We had decent weather this last week/end and all I wanted to do was sit. I didn’t want to go out and do yard work. I didn’t want to go out and wash the car (I did). I don’t want to cook dinner (but I do). I don’t want to be productive at work (but I am). I don’t want to…*insert something here*.

To be clear, I am still grooming myself and still going about the daily routine of eating and showering and getting dressed, because my day doesn’t feel like it starts until I have had a shower. LOL I mean come on, I am not a lazy-ass slob (nor a teen)! But, after that, all bets are off.

Are you feeling apathetic at all too?

If you are feeling it, how are you combating it? Are you combating it or are you just giving in too?

 

 

Spinning

grayscale of woman in black flat sandals walking

Photo by Eneida Nieves on Pexels.com

Keeping the plates spinning today will be challenging at best, but maybe a pending disaster is inevitable anyway.

Work like if busy as hell and personal life is in disarray.

Challenges seem to be coming from all directions and dealing with them would be much easier if there weren’t other challenges already being dealt with. Or challenges on top of challenges. Or challenges loaded onto the plates that are already spinning.

A plate spinner can only keep up for so long…