Family | Piss and Moan

Internal combustion

Posted on March 7, 2022 by backuphill

There are a lot of things going on right now in the world and I suppose this little title could apply to the the various technologies that use fuel and internal combustion to run them. Damn, gas is getting expensive! This post is about a totally different subject, but what reason in hell were we buying Russian oil for when we could completely rely on our own source of oil but refuse to tap into it?

Anyway…

The internal combustion I am referring to is actually inside of me.

Someone said the other day said that they thought something was going on inside of me that maybe I hadn’t recognized or identified yet. They had noticed that my usual level of grumpiness had increased to a level I might not be aware of but that others were noticing. It was mentioned that perhaps it was my newfound age of 50, or maybe it was something at work, or maybe it was…nothing else was pointed out.

I said that I didn’t think that I was all that grumpy, at least not that I was aware of. It was news to me if people thought I was grumpier than normal.

As I thought about it a bit more through the day, I thought that maybe there was something going on. I don’t know if I have really put a finger on it yet. As I am thinking of where I am in life at the moment and current circumstances, I can see (or feel) that I am unsettled. I am finding myself frustrated with everything that has to do with my current situation. Daily life has become a chore and finding joy in places that one would think it could be found just isn’t providing it. Instead, those places are kinda killing the joy.

As such, there may be a little internal combustion going on as I am trying to keep a lid on the unhappiness, the joylessness, the irritability, the frustration, the distaste for my current state. It’s not that I want to tear everything down, torch it to the ground, or start completely over. It’s just when I look around me, I don’t know how I got here and I didn’t envision myself here, and I don’t want to really stay here. Does that make sense?

Call it a mid-life crisis? Nah, I don’t think so. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. I don’t think it is.

The internal combustion inside of me is keeping me moving (hopefully in a positive direction) but the fire in me sometimes gets rather dim when I am tired of being the rather responsible one. It gets tiring being the one who carries everything on his shoulders and keeps the plates spinning and keeps the wagon train headed in the correct direction. The one who hold it all together, all the time, every time.

Maybe I am just burned out on life right now.

My engine isn’t running at it’s prime, that’s for sure.

Perhaps I am just one cycle from failure, explosion, or implosion.

New decade

Posted on February 14, 2022 by backuphill

It’s a milestone I guess. Or maybe a millstone. Eh, let’s go with milestone.

I am entering a new decade as of today.

50.

Nothing seems different, yet it does. Today is really the same as it was yesterday. I am not sure how I feel about it.

When I turned 40 I didn’t think it was all that big a deal. Now that I am 50, as of today, I would like to think it isn’t that big a deal yet there is something in the back of my head that makes me feel like its a big deal. Guess its hard to explain.

I know that my brain doesn’t feel 50. My brain tells me all the time that I am not old and I can do all kinds of things that I did when I was a lot younger. However, my body keeps telling me something different. My brain says, “Do it! You still got it!” My body says, “Go ahead, punk. Do you feel lucky?”

As an example, this week leading up to the big day there were close calls that made me think this old thing could get really old really fast…I was on a two step stool putting at canvas print on the mantle above the fireplace. I had just balanced it and was starting back down the stool steps and suddenly the canvas tipped and clocked me on the top of the head. Obviously, I wasn’t prepared for this so the surprise of being struck in the head was enough of a distraction that I missed the middle step and landed directly on the floor. Again, this was a surprise on the other end of the body and my knee didn’t like that so it promptly hyper-extended as celebration for finding the floor earlier than expected. I was hobbled for a day or two.

Is this what getting old feels like all the time? Minor aches and pains suddenly become something bigger and more concerning? The aches and pains happen more often and more quickly?

Well, cheers to getting older and hello AARP…

Dreaded tasks

Posted on January 24, 2022 by backuphill

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

I spent the weekend doing stuff I just really dislike. Chores that probably really need to be done and I can do so that I don’t have to pay someone else to do them, but chores that are not a pleasure to do by any means.

The washing machine (front loaders really do suck, don’t buy one even though they are being pushed like hell) hasn’t been working all that well as of late, so it was time to clean out the filter and rebalance to see if that helped. Disassembled, adjusted, cleaned, water everywhere (there’s no good way to keep that from happening), and then rebalanced (never mind the fact that the house isn’t level or square). All of that to find out that, other than cleaning out the filter) that it pretty much operates the same as before all that effort.

Cool. I hate life.

Then it was the dryer. Time to clean out the dryer vent.

Shop vac, cleaner brush tool, drill, duct tape, and hours of effort. Good lord! There was a ton of lint in there! CLEAN OUT YOUR DRYER VENT AT LEAST ONCE A YEAR! Anyway, that part was relatively easy. But, as I was putting it all back together I realized after starting the dryer back up to blow some of the remnant lint out of the line that it wasn’t pushing air like I expected…which means it was disconnected some place under the house. Damn. So, another 30 minutes getting ready the supplies I would need under the house and then moving everything in the way to get to the crawl space. Sure enough, disconnected. So, I put that all back together and got it all cleaned up. Not it works like it should.

Today I am sore and stiff.

I am too old for this crap.

I truly hate doing these kinds of chores. I am also cheap, so paying someone to do them isn’t even a consideration. I just suck it up and deal.

But seriously, why does it always have to go sideways every time? There is always an issue. Always something that needs to be repaired or adjusted after doing it. Why can’t it just go smoothly and with zero hassle?

Anyone else hate certain chores or tasks that they do because they don’t want to pay someone to do it? What are they?

Season’s greetings

Posted on December 22, 2021 by backuphill

Season’s greetings to all you out there who are vaccinated. The White House would like you to know that you are safe and can go about your business as usual, regardless of breakthrough infections everywhere.

If you’re unvaccinated, no season’s greetings to you. We wish death and destruction, to you, your families, and the hospital system you are surely going to overwhelm for the umpteenth time.

The White House and the President need to work on their messaging.

Might have as well said, “Happy Apocalypse!” or “Merry Death and Destruction!”

That sure makes up for all the missing “mean tweets” we haven’t had in a while. Let’s just make it an official statement direct from the big house.

Seriously.

“We’re the party of inclusion – except for you, you, and your family too.”

Mixed up your messaging much?

Oh, wait, there never was an ACTUAL belief in inclusion unless you follow along, tow the line and not resist. There is room for you in this party…do as we say and you won’t get hurt. Don’t do as we say and we’ll cancel the hell outta ya (even if you’re one of us).

*eye roll*

Happy holidays…and keep your head down.

Must endure

Posted on December 20, 2021 by backuphill

The next three days will be a slog…gotta admit. Why? Well, there is a vacation on the horizon and not checking into work for the better part of nearly two weeks has got me excited.

Thus, I must endure the next several days.

This will be the first real vacation for me in quite some time. The last week of February this year, in fact. There have been days off here and there in between, but this will be the first extended time since then.

Anyway, just thought I would put out there that I am feeling a little “short-timer’s disease” and looking forward to some time off.

Anyone else taking time off during the holidays?

**Interesting note: when you type in “vacation” for the free pictures in Pexel, nearly all the pictures come up as tropical, sunny, and sandy…I must be doing my vacations wrong…**

Lost humanity

Posted on December 8, 2021 by backuphill

Another trip in the ambulance and another ER visit. This time in a much larger city close by. There was a noticeable difference in care – both in quality and in humanity.

There are and have been a lot of things said about this whole health thing going on – you know, the one that starts with C and ends with D. It has caused a lot of fear and that fear has turned our society into a bunch of people with lost humanity. We have lost what it means to be human and to treat people in a humane way.

We see it all the time with the lockdowns. We see it all the time in the mandates. We see it all the time in masks and shots and the continual testing and the fight for basic medical rights/privacy as they are stripped away. We see it in the denials of service. We see it in the confrontations over restrictions. We see it in pointless rules that actually make things worse rather than helping the people they are supposed to.

Yesterday, I wasn’t allowed into the ER. Barred, with a whole bunch of other people, to sit and wait to see what happens – with little to no communication from the hospital staff. The patient actually had to text me, when able, so I could have updates.

I watched a mother of a severely autistic child argue with hospital staff about accompanying her child. It was obvious of his condition and lack of ability to communicate.

I watched as one of their own hospital nurses (white crocs, scrubs, name tag) struggle to breath while sitting in a wheel chair outside the ER doors. She was alone. She was probably late 20s maybe early 30s. When I mentioned to the lady behind the counter she was struggling, she shrugged and said she was being taken care of.

Obviously, I am frustrated with the treatment of my own loved one. The ER basically did nothing, other than monitor. My loved one said she had never experienced a more unfriendly healthcare experience. The ER doc said that since it didn’t appear to be life-threatening and their job isn’t to diagnose, they were going to release her. Basically, “We can’t help you and we don’t know what’s wrong with you, so get out.”

President Franklin D Roosevelt in his first Inaugural Address said that the “…only thing we have to fear is fear itself…” I has become increasingly clear that Americans have forgotten those words. We have totally and unwisely let fear control us over the last two years and, unfortunately, will probably continue to let fear control us.

Fear has caused us to lose our humanity. It’s a sad state to comment on, but the reality is that we have forgotten what it means to be human and to treat others with empathy and kindness.

This can’t be the way we move forward. We are doomed if that is the case.

Unpleasant chores

Posted on December 6, 2021 by backuphill

Call me Scrooge, I don’t care. “Bah-humbug,” I say.

Yesterday was the first dry day in a week. The temp also topped out at about 42 degrees. So, of course, the dreaded and despised task of putting up Christmas lights on the house and yard was required.

Ladders. Dead light strings. Hanger things (don’t know what else to call them). Cords everywhere.

Ugh.

It’s done, but I hate the fact that in about a month (probably when it is even colder) I’ll have to take down all that crap and put it away.

There is something about all seasonal décor that just irks me.

It’s fine for other people. I just could care less about it.

How do you feel about it? Which camp do you fall in – decorate till the cows come home OR Scrooge?

The danger of precedent

Posted on December 2, 2021 by backuphill

Photo by EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA on Pexels.com

You’re gonna hear about the Supreme Court a lot in the coming days and weeks. They’re hearing a case that could change the course of human events in the U.S. for a long time to come (or not). It really depends on how the court decides the case it heard yesterday, the one about abortion and limiting it.

One of the ways the court makes it’s decisions is based on precedent. Precedent is used to help guide the court in making decisions related to issues of the past. A court obviously can’t really know if a decision they are making in the current day will be used as precedent, but they certainly know in the present when they are using the precedent set by earlier courts.

One of the things about SCOTUS (Supreme Court of the United States) is that it relies heavily on precedents set by previous courts. This is kind of a nod to the fact that those justices have made a correct ruling based on interpretation of the Constitution, intent of the Founders, etc., etc. Therefore, most decisions coming from the court often don’t step on previous decisions and most often don’t overturn precedent.

But, there have been times where that has taken place and it was no small matter.

The best example of a court reversing it’s own precedent (and really the best one to apply now to abortion) is the 1896 case of Plessy vs. Ferguson. The precedent that was set by the court as a result of that case became known as the “separate but equal” doctrine. Essentially it established that, for all intents and purposes, segregation was legal as long as accommodations were equal for both races. Of course, we know the application of that doctrine didn’t really get applied that way and was the basis for all sorts of discriminatory and racist laws. Over and over there challenges to those racist laws and over and over the court upheld decisions in favor of racism simply because the justification was the precedent of Plessy. That precedent would eventually be overturned by a different and later court, which set a new precedent. The 1954 case of Brown vs. The Board of Education turned Plessy on it’s head by deciding in the case that separate was not equal but inherently unequal. Thus, sanctioned and legal racism was stamped out by a future court righting the wrongs of a previous court. There was a new understanding and interpretation and it was decided that the precedent was wrong, so they fixed it and made it right. It took 58 years to make that morally wrong decision, morally right.

Today, some 43 years after the Roe vs. Wade court decision SCOTUS has a chance to right another wrong. A chance to reverse a precedent that has cost millions and millions of human lives – those of unborn children. A chance to stand on what is morally right, saving the lives of babies, instead of standing on what is morally wrong, killing babies. It doesn’t seem like this should be that tough of a decision. But, apparently it is.

Going against public opinion isn’t an easy thing and I am sure it wasn’t that easy in the Brown decision, but it was the right thing to do. Lots of things have changed in 43 years since Roe was decided. Healthcare, medical knowledge, and technology has gotten a lot better in those years, so denying that life starts at conception is backwards as saying the Sun revolves around the Earth.

The arguments from the liberal side of the bench were a little strange yesterday. Sonia Sotomayor is standing on precedent and arguing for maintaining the status quo simple so the court can take on the appearance of legitimacy? Isn’t it less legitimate if it doesn’t correct precedent and right a wrong? To me that seems like a weird argument to make when talking about morally wrong judgements. Can you imagine if the court argued in 1954’s Brown decision that they needed to keep the Plessy precedent to “survive” and remain legitimate?

Anyone else find that strange?

Anyone else care about this topic? What do you think?

Ultimately, precedent can be a positive way to look at pending cases and it can be used as a guide to current issues, but if precedent can’t ever be corrected (despite public opinion) it’s a dangerous thing to stand on.

Shopping sales

Posted on November 29, 2021 by backuphill

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

It seems Black Friday started at the beginning of October this year. I guess we are living, supposedly, in perpetual “Black Friday prices” land for the foreseeable future. Today is Cyber Monday and best I can tell they are just the Black Friday prices recycled. Anyone else feel that’s the way it’s been for the last several years?

Yes, I am paying attention to the sales, though I haven’t yet left the house to go to any…because, why? Why leave home for a sale when you can get the same thing online? “It’s for the experience.” LOL Been there and done that in my younger years. Wasn’t worth it. No one needs that experience. Besides, there isn’t anything that I want that bad.

Oops, did you catch that in the last sentence?

“…anything that I WANT that bad.”

Hence, the problem with shopping the sales this time of year. Anyone else have a hard time not shopping for themselves?

As I look through the various sales, I inevitably find things that I want – either have been looking at in the past and was waiting for a sale or it’s something completely random and I just WANT it.

I typically resist this urge, but at times it is difficult. This time of year sucks because the budget can only handle so much (even with planning) and then all of the sudden I find myself thinking, “It’s on sale? Sweet, just what I have been waiting for!” Half of my browsing is seeing things I want to buy or would buy if I was Christmas shopping.

Anyone else’s shopping dominated by thoughts about just buying stuff for yourself?

It’s a problem and I don’t like it. Not because I don’t have the money, but because my discipline is seriously eroding with each passing moment.

Health frustration

Posted on November 24, 2021 by backuphill

The body is a mystery. When it comes right down to it, the medical professionals still don’t know as much as they would like you to think they do. Because of this, when there really is a mystery they are pretty much spending your money and playing a guessing game when they have no idea what is really going on.

Many many blood tests. Many doctor’s visits. Multiple meds tried. Multiple xrays done. Specialists seen. MRIs being done. Still, no answers.

No one wants bad news when it comes to their health.

Headaches, extremities tingling, touch sensitivity, a never ending and persistent cough for seemingly no reason, extreme fatigue…the hope was that the MRI on the head would reveal something that would give the docs a clue as to what is going on. Results? Everything looks normal.

In one sense, that’s great news! But in another sense, that really sucks. Again, no one wants bad news but at least bad news would be something. Now what?

Going into Thanksgiving, we can’t help but be thankful for what and who we have in our lives. We really are blessed. Can’t deny that.

BUT, this has been going on for 2+ months now and there is no answer in sight. Frustrating to say the least. Maybe the MRI of the spine will show something, but likely not. There was really the thought that the head MRI would be the picture that was needed to discover a (some) cause. Not so much.

The frustration continues.