apology | Piss and Moan

Unnecessary apology #5

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Kinda late with this one today, but I was busy…

Once again I am here to humbly ask your forgiveness. Once again I am sure I have offended and disappointed someone out there, so let me issue this unnecessary apology just so I can cover all my bases in all instances from now until the end of time.

I bathed. Yes, I took a bath. It was a full bath tub and I actually enjoyed it.

Sorry if that makes you mad. Sorry if that makes me “less manly” or “more feminine.”

I didn’t take it to get clean. I took it to relax. I took it because it was time to be alone and in the quiet. Call it “self-care,” whatever the heck that is.

But, here’s the thing, and I am sure there is the part that will really rile some environmentalist or climate change activest’s feathers…

…the bath tub was FULL! And, it was full with HOT water!

Like, I put as much hot water in there as possible without making it spill over the edge as I lowered my body in.

What a waste, right? Too much water and too much energy was used. I am such a bad, horrible, irresponsible person.

I am sure there are poor thirsty people somewhere in the world where I could have sent all that water. Probably some farm or garden or some dried up lake/stream that supports a lower life form that could have used that water.

What’s that you say? Oh, sorry, I had my head underwater. I couldn’t hear your protests…

Not sorry, sorry.

Unnecessary apology #4

Posted on 4 Days Ago by backuphill

It was the 80s. What can I say? We all did things back then that we probably look back and cringe with disdain. 1986 was the transistion year between middle school and high school. It was awkward. Despite being fitting for the time, I look back at my former self and realize now that if I judge myself through the current “progressive” lens (even though I am not) that I really should be ashamed of myself. So, today’s unnecessary apology goes out to…

Egyptians.

Yes, Egyptians.

Why? Well, if you knew then what you know now, then today that the little dance you did in your bedroom or lockeroom or living room or bar would be prohibited. Why? Because of some kind of appropriation. I am not sure if it would be cultural or national or something else, but it is just so regretable now.

I am guilty. I am guilty of walking like an Egyptian.

Therefore, though I am not sure I really need to, I want to apologize to all the Egyptians (past, present, and into perpetuity) for doing this silly act.

I was young. I was impressionable.

I blame it on the Bangles. Their “Walk like an Egyptian” song is totally at fault. It was just such a catchy little tune. And, hey, if my silly and awkward movements might have caught Susanna Hoff’s attention somehow, well, that would have been just awesome.

So, yeah, sorry about that, Egyptians.

Just try not to get your groove (and appropriation) on when listening…

Unnecessary apology #3

Posted on 5 Days Ago by backuphill

You don’t have to admit it, but I know you have done this one too, especially if you have your own children. I’ll admit it for you. Today’s apology goes out to all primates because it’s probably not fair or cool or proper or appropriate or politically correct of us humans to imitate your eating of a banana (or at least what we think you might look like when eating a banana).

It all started that one day, way back when my daughter was just a wee one and she was finally able to eat semi-solid food. Of course, one of the softer foods to serve a wee one is a banana.

So, as she was strapped into the high chair and I was doing the thing from Unnecessary apology #2, I was prepping for my primate impersonation….

…Assume the posture, make primate noises and sounds, imitate primate mobility, make primate faces, consume banana in the primate way…

All for the entertainment of a wee one. Smiles, giggles, and claps ensue from the wee one.

Goal achieved.

Except, now thinking back, it was wholey inappropriate of me to assume that I could or should take on primate charateristics. How rude and insensitive of me. I am sure they (the primates) would be offended had they seen me.

Apology served.

Unnecessary apology #2

Posted on 6 Days Ago by backuphill

I don’t know if there is a term for this, but I probably have to apologize to someone, somewhere for it. Maybe the apology is owed to the young for being patronizing or maybe it is to the older folks for stooping so low as to “not act my age.”

So, today, I apologize to whomever needs to hear it – young or old.

I am sorry for talking like a baby (or very small child) to a baby.

Again, I have to admit it, but it comes as a rather natural reaction to revert back to this way of communication when someone small is involved. I just can’t help myself. The “goo-goo, ga-ga’s” just kind of fall out of my head. Is baby talk natural? It must be because we all tend to do it…and I don’t even really like babies all that much.

I find that I hate myself a little more after having regressed back to infantile language skills, but for whatever reason it seems to work in my meager attempt at communication to elicit a smile from the newly present humans.

So, please, small human, accept this unnecessary apology.

Unnecessary apology #1

Posted on 7 Days Ago by backuphill

I’m sorry. I did it inadvertently. It was just a knee-jerk reaction.

During this month of honoring women, I want to apologize to all women.

I have been or am guilty of gender appropriation.

You see, when I have climbed under the house to access a dark, dank, and mildy creepy crawl space I have at times “screamed like a woman.”

I know, I know. I am not proud of it.

I shouldn’t do it because I am a man and things like this shouldn’t faze me.

To be honest, spiders don’t really freak me out. BUT, in the context of being in a dark, confined space and feeling the creepy crawlies on the back of your neck or by your ear, well, that is just going to get a reaction most guys aren’t proud of.

Please, accept by sincerest apologies for oppressing you by appropriating your screams.

I’ll do better.

**There will be more posts in a new series I am going to call, Unnecessary Apology. Keep an eye out for them and let me know if you agree or not.**

Blah!

Posted on April 17, 2020 by backuphill

It’s been that kind of week.

Blah!

Customer service issues that still haven’t been resolved. Radio silence. Crickets everywhere.

Work has been overwhelming in trying to help schools with distance learning with little to no guidance from the state on how they should be tracking attendance, engagement, or even if they need to do it. Every call is a lot of shoulder shrugging, head nodding, what ifs, and apologies for not being more helpful.

BLAH!

It’s Friday.

I have never run a marathon, but is this what it feels like?

I need this weekend like no other.

The line cutter

Posted on April 2, 2019 by backuphill

group of people walking near clear glass window with a view of white airplane parked during daytime

Photo by Tim Gouw on Pexels.com

Yo, dude, never mind me. I wasn’t standing here, in line, waiting my turn like a civilized person.

Ever had that happen to you? Of course you have. I am sure it happens way more often than you’d like, in fact. Because, you know, the people who read this blog are all rational and intelligent people who like order.

In the last week, it has happened at Starbucks and Home Depot. Minding my own business, waiting patiently for my turn in line, when some jackwagon walks up and jumps in line without looking to see if there were people in line. Yes, lady, we’re all just standing here for our health.

Confession time…about a month ago, I was that jackwagon. It was totally not on purpose though and I apologized PROFUSELY when I discovered that I had jumped in line in front of people who were waiting. It was at the grocery store and they were standing in an aisle waiting for the register to open up (in my defense, they were more than 8 feet away). I looked. It didn’t appear at first glance that people were waiting, so I jumped in line. Only as I got started on the self-checkout that the lady standing in the front of the line in the aisle came to start her self-checkout did I realize that there had been a line. She was gracious and didn’t curse me out, but good grief did I feel bad.

The Starbucks lady? She didn’t feel bad at all. I guess her overwhelming need for that frappe just overrode her sense of common decency and humanity. The guy at Home Depot? Yeah, no such remorse from him either. He just dragged the store associate to another aisle and took his sweet time asking questions while the rest of us waited for the associate to come back.

So, in conclusion, let’s all slow down a little today and take it easy. Nothing is really that important. Be courteous. Be kind. Be patient. Be polite.

Be in line.