Asking, for a friend…

Photo by Marlon Trottmann on

Asking for a friend. It’s a rhetorical question, really, but I still need to ask just to get it off my chest. You can provide your answers to the question in the comments, if you are so led. What would you do?


If you knew someone (let’s say a really good friend or even a family member) was struggling financially and you know that they had a history of making really poor decisions, what would you do when you learned they made yet another one?

Said someones are on state and federal assistance, have four kids, can’t keep up with rent or other bills, has debt collectors “knocking on the door,” and is basically using every sort of charity they can qualify for to meet needs the other sources can’t or won’t meet.

It’s tax return season and they likely will be getting a pretty substantial return based on the low income from the previous year and the number of children. There is also a pending 3rd stimulus payment coming up, so there is money coming in that could be used to do what needs to be done to get caught back up.

But, instead of using the money to do the right thing, some of the money is being used to ponder a move to another state, has been used to purchase flights to the possible state, and of course the spending for the trip will go up from there. The trip is being seen as a “vacation,” almost a scouting trip for their plans.


They have been advised that moving is expensive (especially to a new state). They don’t have any prospects of a job at the place they would move. They have no real clue what the living expenses are like there.

They won’t listen to good counsel. Others have told them this is a terrible idea. Yet they charge forward.

So, I am asking for a friend…

What would you do? How would you address this? How would you go forward in this situation?


  1. Rochelle · March 5, 2021

    Unfortunately, they’ll have to learn the financial lesson on their own.

    There’s only so much help you can provide, especially since it seems they aren’t open to the help or listening to the advice. I understand the concern (as I could imagine this could be someone very close to you) but they’ll only take the advice or help once they realize fully own their own that they need it.

    Until then, I’d advise to keep the communication open with this person. Yes, you may currently disagree with what they’re doing financially, but hopefully down the line once they hit a turning point, they’ll remember your offer for help when they’re ready.

    But in the meantime, you’ll just have to see how the situation pans out.

    Liked by 2 people

    • backuphill · March 5, 2021

      Thanks. The history of not learning the lesson(s) is the concern. But, at some point I realize that there will have to be a “washing of hands” with the situation.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. G. J. Jolly · March 6, 2021

    People like the ones you’ve described are everywhere it seems. It’s as if they don’t see a need to learn these types of lessons because they believe someone will bail them out. They prey on people who will go out of their way to help someone. It’s sad. Good people with big hearts are used so disrespectfully by them. They’re “users” and don’t give any thought to anyone but themselves.

    Liked by 1 person

    • backuphill · March 6, 2021

      I have used the word “leeches” in the past. They do take advantage of people with big hearts and I think they use their kids to ramp up the pressure too. Their short-sighted vision of the world makes them incapable of seeing how their actions are going to end up in disaster.

      Liked by 2 people

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